With the proposed GM-Chrysler merger effectively off the table, automotive colmunists are slowly returning to the task of facing reality. Needless to say, they don’t like what they see. Though Mark Phelan may smell the smoke on the breeze as well as the next Detroit cheerleader, he obviously still figures a pom-pom in the hand is worth two in the bankruptcy court. Stuck with three sickly children who won’t all make it through this dark night of the industry, Phelan verbally douses Chrysler in 57 sauce and calls out the wolves. “If I were the U.S. Treasury Department, I’d offer GM executives $10 billion, on the condition that they walk away from Chrysler and never look back,” goes the first sentence of his latest opus. “Or $15 billion, $20 billion,” begins the second. His point? That a merger between GM and ChryCo would be disastrous. And though he acknowledges the real reasons for this (overlap, baby), he doesn’t stop there. “Cerberus’ ownership of Chrysler is a strip-and-flip operation,” raves Phelan, adding “Chrysler’s leaders spent much of the nine years they were part of DaimlerChrysler approving vehicles that didn’t stand a chance in the market.” Sure, there’s no use in arguing that the Sebring and Compass aren’t evidence of a company that practically wants to fail, Phelan isn’t feeding his beloved Chrysler to the wild beasties for the sheer fun of it (that’s our job). It’s all about saving Ford and GM.

Here’s a press release which assumes, I suppose, that I have at least one wife who qualifies as a minority. Actually, Sam’s an African American, originating as she does from the RSA. Anyway, AutoBrag.com‘s playing the “HERE’S A STARTLING SURVEY, BUT DON’T WORRY ABOUT OUR METHODOLOGY” PR game, and playing it well. And here’s how they did it! “We sent out 87 pairs of observations [sic] to compare how the best price difference between the White Males, verse [sic] White Females, Minority Males and Minority Females to 35 Southern California new car dealerships to keep track of how each pair with different race and gender only would be treated by the salesperson. The results are astonished. [sic] The race, gender, and car make affect the price American consumers pay for their new car significantly. And, again, the differences of the best price between different race and gender are even greater if one considers the long-term financing and opportunity costs throughout the lifetime of the new car purchase.” How’s that for statistical control? Does that fact they were all “college kids” influence your opinion? Those of you who wish to get a closer look at the race card in Autobraggadoccio Danny Chan’s hand can make the jump for the results.

Wired magazine has mailed its real world subs a “Wired How To” mini-magazine. Within its pages, they’ll discover a section entitled “Get 50 mpg in a Buick.” To achieve this remarkable gas-miserly feat, the mag recommends that hyper-mileage seeking missiles (that’s you) turn the key off when you’re coasting. There’s no warning that turning the key off will lock the steering and kill the power brakes. Admittedly, the eds suggest you “turn the key back a notch so the engine shuts down.” But I’m sure some naif will either accidentally or purposely turn the key all the way off. And even if they do it correctly, they’ll still lose power steering, which can come as a shock to a 100-pound woman (naif waif?). Wired also advises motorists looking for mythical mileage to “inch up behind an 18-wheeler and kill the engine as you enter its slipstream. You’re drafting now, getting pulled along by the truck’s gas instead of your own.” Yes, they admit it’s “dangerous.” Especially when the truck driver gets pissed and taps his brakes. And as your own binders have lost power assist with the engine off, that could be something of a problem. So, anyway, how do you change your own oil?

The latest feel-good offering from GM’s Fastlane Blog is this “cool video from the folks over at GM Europe showcasing the Saab 9-X Air concept.” And though the 9X Air has a certain appeal (sleek four-seat convertible), its relevance to GM’s current situation is as good as nil. Of course, calling the video a throwaway distraction would imply that GM has ever posted anything insightful at Fastlane. Posting a concept video is doubtless meant to convey the impression of business-as-usual at the RenCen. But to anyone who understands the quantity and quality of excrement hitting the fan in Detroit right now, the impression is of deep denial. Why on earth is GM burning much-needed cash on concepts with retracting side mirrors, a dash on loan from the Romulans and “a canopy top?” That Fastlane would note that this final feature has a patent pending shows how deep the denial goes. Just the kind of venture I want to sink my tax dollars into.

Now that self-styled AutoExtremist has acknowledged that his hometown heroes have screwed the proverbial pooch, Peter DeLorenzo wants the left and right coast elites to know they can’t afford to let Motown take a dirt nap. Rant #469 (my favorite title so far) makes it clear that the American automobile industry IS Detroit, and Detroit IS America’s industrial pillar. “Free-market theorizing aside [ED: sure , why not?], we have long since passed the point of no return in this matter. If this country allows one of its key manufacturing pillars to slip into insolvency, it would set-off a dark chain of events that would reach into every sector of the economy and would not only devastate the states where Detroit has its manufacturing and parts facilities, but it would affect every state of the union too.” That means you, bub. To avoid this “looming economic disaster,” Sweet Pete thinks the GM – Chrysler merger’s kinda neat. “Even though I am absolutely convinced that the idea of GM acquiring Chrysler is absolutely fraught with opportunities for abject failure on a grand scale, the White House will make the decision that a managed dissolution of Chrysler over time under GM’s stewardship would be preferable than an immediate corporate blow-up.” Especially before a presidential election, eh? Having finished this adventure into realpolitik, DeLorenzo’s got a plan for America, Inc. Counter-attack!

Hey! What happened to TTAC’s invitation to the GM “Night on Bear Mountain” mass test drive? If it’s good enough for Autoblog and Jalopnik, it’s good enough for us. Of course, TTAC’s not in the tank for GM. We might do something impolite, like point out that the Saturn Vue 2 Mode Hybrid is an excellent example of everything that’s wrong with GM. (And that’s without driving it.) For one thing, product overlap. WITHIN SATURN. The Vue 2 [a kill] is the second hybrid system for the SUV, which will now sell alongside (in theory) the existing Saturn “light hybrid,” which was initially introduced as the Vue Green Line. It’s a model/technological distinction that will be completely lost on anyone even remotely resembling a potential customer. So, blissfully married and entirely hetrosexual Alex Nunez, who’s this thing for, then?

We’ve identified NYT (and former Detroit News) scribe Bill Vlasic as a Motown cheerleader ever since ever. Bill’s not happy with that assessment. Can’t see it. Which is kind of strange. I mean, read this piece in The Times chronicling GM’s slide into bankruptcy and try and find one– one– instance where Vlasic takes CEO Rick Wagoner and Co. to task for running what was once the world’s largest automaker into the ground. It’s full of the usual weasel words and waffle. To wit: the headline. “Driven to the brink.” Not driving over the brink. Driven to the brink (by external events, of course). Vlasic and his partner lead their “story” with the termination of GM’s CXX SUV program (you hurt your what?). “‘It would have been very difficult in today’s environment to spend a couple of billion dollars to do a replacement [for the GMT900 SUVs],’ said Robert A. Lutz, G.M.’s vice chairman and head of product development. ‘Reality had set in.'” And when did Maximum Bob get this wake-up call? May. Of this year. There’s more, but those of you who easily offended by GM’s mismanagement and media stooges should avoid the jump.

After David Champion, head of Consumer Reports‘ auto testing, presented this year’s reliability results, I asked two simple questions. 1. What month were most surveys returned (i.e. how old are the data)? 2. What problem rates do the dots represent? Or, to keep it as simple as possible, what was the average problem rate for a 2008 car? Unfortunately, Mr. Champion did not know the answer to either question. He could only respond that the surveys went out in “the springtime,” and that the dots are relative. As if the actual problem rates they represent were of no consequence. In fact, both things matter. The truth about CR, as we’ve noted here: before: 1. The data are already about five months old, and will be 17 months old before they are updated again. 2. The differences between the dots for a 2008 model are about one problem for every thirty cars. But, since even the head of CR’s auto research doesn’t know these facts, it should come as no surprise that their millions of subscribers haven’t a clue. And then things got ugly…

We’ve long held that Cadillac is one of two “core brands” for GM that should be preserved (along with Chevy) at all costs. To compete with the big boys of luxury (Hyundai, anyone?) Caddy needs new product, and unlike Pontiac it’s going to get it. But will Cadillac’s product pipeline be filled with unique, desirable products or cannibalistic also-rans? I know, let’s ask that font of balanced coverage and journalistic integrity, Motor Trend! In fairness, MT admits that “It’s been four or five decades since Cadillac built a car that came close to being ‘The Standard of the World.'” “But” comes the now-customary about face that emerges any time a mainstream journo discusses the failure of an American automaker, “with the new CTS, and especially the world-beating CTS-v sport sedan, (Cadillac’s) rehabilitation is well underway.” Oh really? Let’s take a look.

Yes, I know “Saved by Zero” is a song by The Fixx. I respect New Wave. But I don’t like how it tastes when Toyota crams it down my throat for my own good.

The former PR spinmeister currently writing under the Autoextremist moniker has long been one of Detroit’s most fervent not to say (’cause that would be rude) ardent supporters. No more. Peter DeLorenzo has put down his pom-poms and finally faced the truth about both GM and Chrysler. “GM’s foray into the idea of a Chrysler takeover exposed that company’s dire situation for all to see. Burning through cash at a prodigious rate – a little more than $1 billion per month according to estimates – GM’s search for crucial financing is getting beyond desperate at this point, and now everyone knows it… GM’s situation grows more precarious by the moment, and if they don’t make a deal for that much-needed infusion of cash soon – in the next 12 months, preferably less – then we could be contemplating the unthinkable. And that means not only the end of GM’s 100-year reign as the largest American car company and one of America’s historical industrial touchstones, but the end of General Motors, period.” As for Chrysler…

As we’ve just reported, The Detroit News seems to have abandoned the normal standards of reporting. In j-School ethics world– informed as it is by the movie All The President’s Men— if you can’t confirm a story with two independent sources, you either don’t run it or you clearly identify the info as unverified. As in “according to unconfirmed anonymous sources,” presenting the resulting material as speculation. To avoid the semantic hoops, TTAC established the Wild Ass Rumor (WAR) category. With this story on Kirk Kerkorian’s Ford stock sell-a-thon, we’re deploying WAR on the DetN’s behalf. “Billionaire investor Kirk Kerkorian’s decision to sell off his stake in Ford Motor Co. may have been precipitated by a series of high-profile departures from the struggling automaker that began less than two weeks ago with the abrupt resignation of Chief Financial Officer Don Leclair. Since then, two of Ford’s most respected board members also have tendered their resignations. Ford says the events are unrelated, but a source close to Ford’s largest private shareholder told The Detroit News that Kerkorian doubts that and is concerned that the departures signal trouble at the top of the nation’s second largest auto company.” Trouble at Ford? NO WAY! And there’s no reason Kirk would want to pin the blame for his $600m or so loss on someone else, is there? More meshugas after the jump.

True dat. We’re looking for one of our Best and Brightest to write 800-word automotive videogame reviews for TTAC. We’ll pay $100 per published piece plus free videogames (disclaimed at the bottom of the review, of course). Send your magnum opus (within the body of an email) to robert.farago@thetruthaboutcars.com with SAMPLE REVIEW in the subject bar. Rate the game from one to five stars and include a one sentence summation. Again, the review must be exactly 800 words (not including title, star ratings and summation sentence). Remember: ‘tude counts. Oh, and Midnight Club: Los Angeles is out today. Here’s a review style you shouldn’t copy, from Streetfire: “I have to say that from what I’ve seen so far in the last 11 hours it is pretty impressive. It came as no surprise that the party was held in the heart of Hollywood at the Virgin Megastore and featured a performance by the Eagles of Death Metal. I’m personally a big fan of the fact that the game has a 97 song track list with music of all types, and a large number from the SoCal area. Being from Los Angeles, it’s pretty cool to be playing a badass car game that let’s me drive through the streets of Hollywood doing all of the things I WISH I could get away.” With. Although that’s one way to avoid ending a sentence with a preposition…

Midnight Club: Los Angeles Trailer 4

DaveAdmin over at Allpar Weblogs is just as unhappy with the coverage of the potential GM – Chrysler debacle merger as your faithful TTAC correspondents. But for different reasons. Apparently, it’s OK for the mainstream press and armchair analysts to suggest that this is a done deal, but they don’t “get it” when it comes to what might come next. In the main, DaveAdmin reckons they’re all guilty of the sin of omission. “No article I have seen suggests that maybe, because the Dodge trucks are clearly superior (especially in Class 3-5), that GM might shift over to Dodge’s designs. Only one mentioned the Dodge trucks in any way other than ‘to be canned’ at all, and that was to point out the bad timing of their launch. Ford’s big, trucklike Flex, Toyota’s Tundra (with one factory already being converted to other uses), and Ford’s upcoming F-series were apparently examples of good timing. No article I’ve seen mentions the Hemi except disparagingly, as in ‘dummies make V8s when people don’t want them any more.’ (Four years ago.) Never mind that trucks still need V8s and the Hemi is best in class, especially in variable cam form. No article I’ve seen mentions the Phoenix engines or the dual-clutch transmission technology. The latter, to be fair, appears to be dead at the moment, as Chrysler chose to cancel their launch by picking a fight with Getrag and abruptly canceling all talks.” Yeah, to be fair. It gets better…

I’ve just received my copy of AutoWeek’s ’09 Buyer’s Guide. Logic suggests that a buyer’s guide would have some sort of relative rating system to help consumers decide, you know, what to buy. Logic isn’t bought and paid for by automotive advertisers. Or, in this case, is. I won’t trouble you with the hosannas, which are more common than car hacks imbibing at a press junket’s open bar, or the “a nice vehicle but you just might want to look at something else” remarks, or the one and only complete slam (Chrysler Sebring). But I thought you might get a kick out of the prevarications and WTFs embedded in the “Our opinion” box. Acura TL: “An enticing performance proposition with the AWD version, but the extreme design departure from the previous generation might turn some away.” Audi Q7: “Good looks, and the new diesel option makes the Q7 even more attractive.” Cadillac STS: “A decent vehicle with sharp looks and a potent V6 base engine.” Chevy Aveo: “Economy car with economy styling that serves just fine for fuel-efficient basic transport.” Suburban: “Big enough to haul a large family and their stuff while returning respectable gas mileage.” Chrysler Aspen: “Affordable full-size luxury, now with greener prospects in hybrid trim.” Had enough? There are a few more after the jump.

Absorb? Absurd! Still, The Detroit News is reporting the GM Chrysler merger deal as if it exists. Which, if true, is one scary ass concept. Well, to most rational people. Which, according to the trifecta of scribes assigned to story, doesn’t include everyone. “Analysts say a deal along the lines of Chrysler’s purchase of AMC, which eliminated Detroit’s No. 4 automaker as an entity and all its brands except Jeep, would make sense for GM.” Huh? Ladies and gentlemen, Aaron Bragman, an analyst at Global Insight: “For GM, the only reason to absorb Chrysler would be to eliminate a competitor.” Yes, but does that make any sense? No comment. So, never mind analysts. Let’s talk to someone in the shadows. “The source familiar with the negotiations told The Detroit News that GM could cut costs by eliminating much of Chrysler’s staff and gradually shifting production of Chrysler vehicles to use more GM components.” THE source? We’re down to one now are we? And is that BS or what? But wait! There’s more!

Another scribe joins the elite squad of automotive analysts who’ve had their Road to Damascus moment re: GM’s inexorable slide into bankruptcy. Alex Taylor Three Sticks’ misFortunate conversion was inspired by the epic tomfoolery commonly known as the GM – Chrysler merger. Taylor warms-up by pre-spinning the General’s forthcoming pitch for a federal bailout. “A government loan wouldn’t be about protecting well-compensated union jobs or keeping afloat inefficient suppliers in Michigan and Ohio. It could be directed toward advancing Detroit’s and the country’s strategic interests by speeding development of alternative fuel technologies that reduce our dependence on foreign oil as well as help limit the generation of greenhouse gases.” Hang on; isn’t the rationale behind the current Department of Energy bailout loan program? Anyway, “GM may have a decent shot at that in a Democratic administration. If not, there is bankruptcy.” Da-da-DAAAAAA. OK, make the jump for Alex’ conclusion, his very own version of “Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love a Cadillac CTS for 25 Grand.” [thanks to Polishdon for the link]

Like the gas price spike that helped launch the current industry death spiral, nobody saw a possible D3 bankruptcy coming. Well, outside of this little corner of the internet, anyway. But with the mainstream media catching wind of what we’ve been crying in the desert for years now, a number of well-known industry analysts are coming around to the notion that America may not have three big automakers anymore. Jalopnik’s Ray Wert was ahead of the (adjusted) curve, bellying up to the TTAC line (sorta) yesterday. Today, none other than Danny Howes of the Detroit News is playing Cassandra-come-lately as merger and bankruptcy rumors take industry-watchers by storm. To be fair, Howes isn’t blind to Detroit’s sins, and his columns have been taking an increasingly alarmist tone for some time now. But until this week he’s faced the strings and arrows of outrageous fortune with brave face and stiff upper lip. No longer.

You may remember project D: Chrysler’s plan to build something better than the world’s worst car for the mid-size segment. As it continues its campaign to replace the definition of the word gullible in Webster’s dictionary, Autobloggreen breathlessly reports that the fruit of Project D might be an electric vehicle! Tracing the story back to Automotive News [sub], it’s clear that this entirely theoretical car or cars might also run on unicorn farts. “Chrysler LLC will decide by late winter whether to partner with another automaker on its global mid-sized car platform, known as Project D, says CEO Bob Nardelli. Chrysler must decide whether to engineer the platform in-house and build vehicles at its own factories or work with another carmaker. The company has indicated it would prefer a partner. Chrysler said it has to decide ‘in three, four, five months,’ Nardelli said last week in an interview at Chrysler headquarters in suburban Detroit. ‘We have costed out the in-house version, and we’re still working with two or three platform providers.'” What’s the rush? Chrysler will be tango uniform long before any rubber can meet the rental car parking lot. Oh right, the alt power bit…

The autoblogosphere’s self-styled Autoextremist normally posts every Wednesday. So you know things are OOC when Peter DeLorenzo feels compelled to unleash his weekly rant on a Monday. A good thing too; Sweet Pete knocks one out of the park. “Let me get this straight right off the bat,” DeLorenzo writes late in the fifth inning. “The reality of a merger between GM and Chrysler would be an unmitigated disaster of incalculable proportion, one that would decimate both companies… When you have one company that has too many models, too many divisions and too many dealers, how could you possibly think that combining that company with another company that has too many models, too many divisions and too many dealers would be a good idea?” Beats me. Having dispensed with that little piece of business, DeLorenzo is ready to predict ChryCo’s T.O.D. “With Cerberus being ‘done’ with Chrysler, the fate of the auto company based in Auburn Hills has been set. Within six months, Chrysler will be taken over or ‘parted out.’ Either way, Chrysler will cease to exist as we know it by next spring, if not sooner.” From there, it’s GM’s turn…

What’s beyond irony? Farce? Whatever it is, the fact that Chevrolet decided to underwrite Christian Slater’s new NBC series entitled “ My Own Worst Enemy” is it. The show’s “bumpers” featured the Chevrolet Traverse and the Chevrolet Camaro in split screen head-on action, supposedly reflecting the electronically-induced multiple-personality disorder suffered by the show’s main character. Or is that characters? Although I was busy surfing the net at several points during the show– checking to see if Autoblog was live blogging (“we know it’s Albright having intercourse with Spivey’s wife cause he strikes her on the buttocks”)– I don’t think the Traverse was ever shown in motion. I guess NBC suits decided that Spivey couldn’t be THAT much of a Mr. Mom. That said, the Traverse did survive a nearby bomb blast without a scratch. But where was the dismembered limb on the windshield routine? The silver Camaro was ready for its close-up when Spivey got bored and took Albright’s whip (don’t ask) for a little late hoonage..

While we await Andrew Dederer’s (or similar) translation, we are assured that Nissan has released this higher quality official version of their record-setting Nurburgring run to refute Porsche’s claims that their Japanese rivals were cheating. GTRblog.com says that “Nissan go on to say that the GT-R used in the official laptime was actually at a disadvantage due to up to 50 kilograms of testing equipment along for the ride. Offering Porsche some driver training lessons if they want to give it another try.”

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