WreckedExotics.com heads off the reservation to offer some discarded not to say abandoned Rolls Royce parts. Apparently the bits “Was [sic] removed from an undamaged Phantom to make a custom body. It includes the trunk lid with hinges and trunk liner, rear window, rear quarter windows, interior rear quarter C-pillar trim with wood and mirrors. The roof extends to just behind the sun roof but also includes the complete sun roof.” If I was BMW, I’d buy these items and crush them, stat. And what, dear God, happened to the donor car? Inquiring minds (with strong stomachs) want to know.

Jay Leno wasn’t present for the roast of Bob Lutz, but he did check in via video with a few jokes about Bob’s age. Luckily, former Car and Driver editor Csaba Csere decided to mine a richer vein of humor, digging into Lutz for his Merkur branding debacle and his distaste for flying commercial. Maybe retirement allowed Csere to loosen up and deliver some of the evening’s better zingers. Whatever it was, the contrast to Automobile Magazine’s Jean Jennings couldn’t have been greater: Jennings’ contribution was less roast and more abject fawning. She couldn’t have been more toothless if her press fleet access depended on it. Apparently she thought it did.

The evening before Bob Lutz was named Chairman of Opel, he was roasted at an Arthritis Foundation benefit at the Ritz-Carlton in Dearborn. The lead-off hitter was none other than Lutz’s boss, Fritz Henderson, and the inherent awkwardness of a boss roasting his far more charismatic employee made Fritz’s jabs some of the evening’s best. Here is his tribute to a man called Maximum.

I have no idea when someone somewhere decided that there was some kind of safety problem with gas pumps offering a locking clip at the end of the nozzle. You know, the little metal doo-hickey that lets you take your hand off the pump while the car fills with gas, then kicks back to let you know it’s done. I suppose someone somewhere experienced a clip failure. I imagine gas poured onto the ground. I have a hard time believing that the result was a lethal conflagration, but a million monkeys and all that. Perhaps it was the idea of an inferno that led to their ban; the relevant bureaucrat having seen Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds” as a kid. Meanwhile, here in the Ocean State, we have to physically squeeze the trigger on the nozzle until the tank’s full. As fellow SUV owners will attest, that can be a long time. Anyone who doesn’t live in the desert or the Deep South will also tell you that pumping gas in sub-zero weather is painful enough to make an Antarctic explorer nostalgic. Tall people have to stoop. Weak people have to strain. Nervous people have to stand still. All for the lack of a single piece of metal. If we can put a man on the moon (and I know you and I were deeply involved in that venture), why can’t we (and now I’m talking about you rather than me) design a gas pump that doesn’t require so much human effort?

I know I “raised” expectations with the previous post on the beautiful Charlene. And so I feel obliged—obliged I tell you—to provide the denouement to what could well be the sleaziest sexploitation perpetuated by anyone even remotely connected to the automotive industry. I think we can all learn a lesson here: lock up your daughters. And if any member or our B&B needs more vigorous instruction on this matter, Google “Standing and Modeling” using only the first letters of each word.

A sense of humor will get you through anything . . .

Via Cadillac’s Twitter Feed:

John Heinricy (Cadillac test driver)- Cadillac CTS-V: Top Lap: 2:46:560

Aaron Link (Cadillac development engineer)- Cadillac CTS-V: Top Lap: 2:48:902

Brian Redman- CTS-V: Top Lap: 2:49:596

Michael Cooper (Who is this guy?)- BMW M3: Top Lap: 2:50:424

Jack Baruth- Cadillac CTS-V (TTAC): Top Lap: 2:51:153

Lawrence Ulrich- CTS-V (New York Times): Top Lap: 2:53:157

Bob Lutz- Cadillac CTS-V (VP of Marketing, GM): Top Lap: 2:56:321

Michael Mainwald (carguydad.com)- BMW M5: Top Lap: 3:05:398

Wes Siler- Mitsubishi Evo X (Jalopnik): Top Lap: 3:08:126

Chris Fairman- CTS-V: Top Lap: 3:14:292

Archan Basu- Jaguar XF: Top Lap: 3:15:670

Tom Loder- Audi RS4: Top Lap:  3:15:702

It’s official: TTAC’s top driver has beaten Bob Lutz! Check back tomorrow for Jack’s on-the-ground take on the weirdness that was.

Bob Lutz savors his morning cup of Maximum, as he contemplates a wet, foggy day of racing at Monticello. Competitors will get five laps of the 3.5 mile track… assuming all those ponies at the rear wheels don’t leave Cadillacs scattered across the infield. Early practice video shows a CTS-V shouting at the devil on the main straight, but in these conditions the corners are the issue. Updates will be posted as they come in from our man behind the wheel, Mad Jack Baruth.