Chrysler Exporting Canadian Minivans?
Have you ever looked at something and just are not able to see the point of it? The Simpsons, Kim Bauer, RC Cola and Michael Bay’s career all spring to mind, but right now I’m more confused than a chameleon standing next to a rainbow. The Wall Street Journal reports that Chrysler are raising production of their minivans at their plant in Windsor, Ontario. More precisely, they are raising production of their right hand drive, diesel minivans for export (naturally). This will be the first time RHD minivans are built at Chrysler’s Canadian plant.
You Want to Hear A Porsche 928?
TTAC Commentator Boff says the new Porsche Panamera sounds like Ye Olde 928—which would make my previous headline seem pretty pig ignorant. He may be right. We retort, you decide.
It's a Porsche, Jim, but It Doesn't Sound Like Any Porsche I've Ever Heard Before
Nor, in fact, does the Panamera look like any Porsche I’ve ever seen before, although it’s vaguely reminiscent of the 911. I wonder if they can match the shag carpet in my basement . . .
Ask the Best and Brighest: Is the New GMC Terrain the Second Ugliest CUV in the History of the World, Ever?
Corvette Stingray Concept: Why Bother?
The price of any exclusive story is a straight face. Having scored some seat-time (and flack-time) with GM’s Corvette Stingray Concept, Jalopnik was obliged to report the experience sans critical filter. Which means we learn that the Stingray “represents a merger of GM design and technology from the past, present and future,” as well as “the merger of high technology with high design in the powertrain, exterior and interior.” Of course, in order to keep that all-important straight face, nearly everything about the concept has to be described using either the term “represents” or “theoretical.”
Give Me a Shooting Brake
At the risk of some unseemly self-congratulation, this is why you didn’t catch the hot Cayman Shooting Brake rumor here at TTAC: it’s a fake. The New York Times reveals that the hoax was perpetrated by a Top Gear USA summer intern using 3-D graphics software and a lot of spare time. And the job was well enough done to make a number of well-known car blogs look a bit foolish. Enthusiasts are such suckers!
Purolator Alienates Labradoodle Owners in Edgy Viral Campaign
Puralotor filters are OK, I guess. I’ll defer to our Best and Brightest on that score. The company’s claims don’t seem particularly boastful—“Purolator filtration products provide high quality performance for everyday driving”—or, let’s face it, exciting. And so the company’s ad agency has convinced their client to take a walk on the weird side. “Keep it Pure” is a series of vignettes that thinks outside the bun—although it’s less Dada then da-da-da-da. Anyway, when the ad folks offered us otherwise restricted access to some of these, uh, pronouncements, I said “damn, did I forget to put that up?” Actually, before that, I said, “This campaign was born for our Whiskey Tango Foxtrot” category. Or vice versa. While we await our TTAC-exclusive ’round three “Keep it Pure” moment, here’s one from Purolator’s YouTube channel. I bet you can’t wait for the next installment. In a strange sort of way, neither can I. Despite Mel’s antagonism, despite Detroit’s nationalization, don’t you just love corporate America?
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Pay Taxes? Thank Yourself for Cash for Clunkers
When you hear Cash for Clunkers praised as “the most efficient stimulus for the auto industry,” you kind of have to wonder. Why did we spend the other hundred billion bucks?
Mercedes McLaren SLR Roadster. NOW How Much Would You Pay?
American Thinker: Feds' Cash for Clunkers Program Channeling Robert A. Heinlein's "The Door Into Summer"
You can argue with The American Thinker’s politics, but they’ve got a point: there’s a spooky parallel between Robert A. Heinlein’s “ The Door Into Summer” and the current Cash for Clunkers (a.k.a. C.A.R.S.) program. [thanks to fincar1 for the link] Grok this:
The job I found was crushing new ground limousines so that they could be shipped back to Pittsburgh as scrap. Cadillacs, Chryslers, Eisenhowers, Lincolns—all sort of great big, new powerful turbobuggies without a kilometer on their clocks. Drive ’em between the jaws, then crunch! smash! crash!—scrap iron for blast furnaces.
Pour One Out For The Manual Transmission Homies
So I’m hearing that some of y’all may feel that Cash for Clunkers is your opportunity to to trade up. Your chance to lose the clutch and make a run for the hands-free hype of automatic transmission technology. To which I say, NSFW please. That clutch stood by you. That clutch was your friend. The ability to change your own gears was the only thing that kept you from driving that Tercel off a cliff out of sheer boredom. And now you think that just because you’re upgrading to an Elantra, a slushbox is suddenly more befitting your station in life? Yo, that logic is the sodium silicate of the mind. So if your clunker had a manual transmission, pour out a bottle of Synchromax for the departed. And if you replaced it with a CVT, you better watch your back.
Five Things You Didn't Know About Cash For Clunkers
1)The red line represents Google searches for “NHTSA,” the blue line represents searches for “Clunker.” And we wonder why they weren’t ready.
Eulogy for a Sport Trac
Ford Explorer Sport Trac went into production in 2000 and will be leaving us next year, reports Automotive News [sub]. But what, you might ask, will happen to the “torn between Explorer and Ranger” market segment? Will they have to choose?
Chrysler Isn't Cool for Cats
Welcome To The Dealership Experience
Note: this video showed a salesman pretending not to understand a Spanish speaking customer. It was removed after someone sent the dealer principal the link to TTAC. His mea culpa comment is below.
Green Hookers?
Jenkouye!
A passionate plea against government involvement in the automotive industry as imagined by either Borat or Kim Jong Il. Hat tip to Benoît Fortin!
The CUV Segment Must Die: Honda Crosstour Before And After
Before: early pictures of the just-confirmed-for-America Honda Crosstour testing in Britain, via AutoExpress. Early in development, the Crosstour is still just a slightly beefed-up AWD wagon.
What's Wrong With This Video: At Even Vaguely Legal Highway Speeds Edition
In fairness, the Aveo hatch is easier to watch crashing (Both EuroNCAP). Easier on the eyes in general, in the case of the first-gen hatch. Still, who’s up for tasting some brave manouever Baruth-style in one of these? And no, this isn’t a Euro ringer. This IIHS Aveo test is just as scary. You’re a brave man, Jack.
Doctor V8 Scores a Mercedes-Benz SL65 AMG Black Series
Say It Isn't So, Mr. Bond!
New Buick LaCrosse Gets Four-Cylinder Engine, AWD
MINI With a Big Mouth
In my many years as a ghostwriter for a leading exec of Volkswagen, there was one joke that was always shot down. Early VW navigation systems gave you the voice prompt “die Route wird berechnet.” Which translates to “the route is being calculated.” It could also be understood as “I’ll charge you for the whip.” My one-liner that a new VW comes with a factory-standard dominatrix was always suppressed. I wonder why.
I was reminded of my dark past when I opened Automobilwoche [sub] today, only to read that BMW intends to turn their Minis into a gabfest on wheels. Carrying the moniker “mission control,” electronics will listen to the traffic on the car’s CAN bus, and then the gizmo will drown you with clever remarks.
AZ Police Launch Operation "Would U Like Fries?"
America's Best Selling Car. Again. Still.
Maximum Bob Hearts The PTFOA
Based on an Autoweek account it seems that not everyone at GM fears the reaper. Bob Lutz clearly doesn’t, meaning a thousand maximum sycophants are going to have to learn a joke that doesn’t involve the government being here to help. At a recent Automotive Press Association luncheon Lutz characterized the PTFOA’s influence as “benevolent oversight and two-way communication between Washington and the auto industry.” And who doesn’t like a good listener with deep pockets? As Lutz delicately puts it, “jeez, it only took 30 years for somebody to finally figure it out.” So when did Mr “Global Warming’s A Crock Of Shit” become such a fan of soft socialism?
Vath V63RS Mercedes C63 AMG Estate. Dope or Nope?
Are Cars Like Cigarettes?
Actor Mathew Modine votes aye over at HuffPo, calling our four-wheeled friends “the new pariahs.” After informing us that the world’s resources are finite, bicycles rule, and that there’s much to be learned from a baby’s first steps, Modine finally gets around to making his argument.
“We must look at the automobile as a cigarette–a cancer stick–a nail in our collective coffin. The sexy lifestyle that the tobacco industry sold to us contains the same advertising lies and poison which the automobile industry sold and continues to sell to the world. Look at the ads for automobiles and you’ll begin to recognize the lies. You’ll see open roads with happy smiling drivers. Ask yourself, When was the last time I was NOT stuck in traffic?”
Interestingly, the lasting impression from Modine’s rant is that actors’ opinions are like all forms of advertising: facile and misleading.
Malcolm Bricklin Is Insane
You may remember Malcolm Bricklin as the man who unleashed the Yugo on an unsuspecting American public. Or as the car guy who brought automotive enthusiasts the mid-engined rust bucket known as the Fiat X1/9 (re-badged Bertone). Or, infinitely more forgivably, you might know Malcolm as the entrepreneur who gave Subaru its start stateside. Moving up the car nerd food chain and deep into the realm of delusion, Bricklin’s name is reasonably synonymous with his eponymous car company, Canadian manufacturer of the ill-fated SV-1. For those of you who have never heard of a Pet Rock (and couldn’t imagine why anyone would want one), Bricklin’s broken ass deal to import Chinese Cherys into The Land of the Free (Perkins, IL excepted) may be the freshest factoid. Moving on to today, Malcolm Bricklin has revealed his desire to end his career in ridicule. Which, of course, starts here . . .
Toyota Makes Practical Appliance Cars
Or not. The best part? The LF-A, seen burning here at the 24 Hours Nürburgring, has just been re-approved for production, according to Motor Trend. Oy.
TTAC Contest: Maximum Stoned Speed
Popular Science clears the air (so to speak) about which of America’s favorite intoxicants impairs driving skill the most. And it turns out that the stoned driver is a careful driver. Well, compared to a drunk driver, anyway. Research from a fancy driving simulator at Ben Gurion University’s Laboratory for Human Factors in Road Safety shows that reefer-crazed drivers drove considerably slower than the control group, while drunk drivers drove faster. In addition, “the drinking drivers also tended to be confident and boast a sense of control, while the pot smokers seem to be ‘more aware of their impairment.'” Of course, PopSci and Ben Gurion University don’t exactly condone doobing and driving. “None of the doped-up or drinking drivers were models of safety on the road. They tended to switch lane positions, swerve, and vary their steering,” is the verdict. But that’s just, like, their opinion… man. In honor of TTAC’s recent exploration of the legal grey areas of on-road behavior, we thought we’d ask: what are the five best rules of stoned driving? Entries will be accepted until 6pm Eastern Time. The winner gets the unclaimed (previous contest) Taschenwörterbuch der Kraftfahrzeugtechnik (English-German car technical dictionary). Because compound words are mind blowing after a toke or two. Dude.
Not So Smart Now, Eh, Mr. Bond?
A member of our Best and Brightest is smarting from a recent ownership experience:
I am a Detroit born, car loving, long time fan of your site, so when I had this experience, I thought I would share it with you. A year ago I was the proud recipient of the second Smart car delivered by Smartcenter of Beverly Hills. The car performed flawlessly—until last Tuesday. I was on my way to the airport and stopped for gas. When I shifted the selector into gear, the car did not really care. It just sat there and the engine revved. I tried to push it, and the transmission was locked. I called my dealer because I knew there was roadside service, but I did not know the number. The receptionist picked up the phone and I asked for roadside assistance and she patched me through to a number. From the way they picked up on the other end, I did not think it was the right number.
What's Wrong With This BMW?: Because It's There Edition
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot: One Horsepower Edition
Eminem: A Working Class Hero is Something To Be
“8 Mile” rapper, Eminem, may not be Detroit’s most famous son, but it’s not for lack of trying. Or, for that matter, posturing. The recording artist has decided that the effect of the Motown meltdown on the working stiff is top notch fodder for the hang dog (or is that Snoop Dog?) side of his public persona. Marshall Mathers was born in a pleasant middle class suburb and earned $18 million or so last year notwithstanding. Obviously. But penning a paean to pistonhead paradise lost isn’t enough for our boy, he’s got to bring it. Well, them. Two hundred of them. TV Squad [via Yahoo! via the Detroit Free Press] reports that Eminem is transporting 200 unemployed Detroit workers to the set of “Jimmy Kimmel Live” this Friday just to prove a point: he’s a man of the people and his new album is dope. No, wait; that’s not it. I’ve got it! Wall Street has screwed all the selfless, salt of the earth automotive workers who’ve never heard of Eminem and, other than the free food, booze, and flight this stunt entails, wouldn’t cross the street to give Marshall the time of day. Nor him them. So I guess it’s a wash. Peace out, yo.
Volt Birth Watch 140: Jingle All The Way
Ladies and Gentlemen, children of all ages: we give you the first Chevy Volt jingle, courtesy of Sarah Spiegel (shown here interviewing former CEO Rick Wagoner) and gm-volt.com! Listen to the ditty at the link and for lyrics hit the jump.
The New, New, New, Viability Plan: Prayer
To once again paraphrase an old Soviet joke, there are two ways Detroit can be turned around: the natural and the miraculous. The natural way is that the Archangel Michael and his bands of angels descend to earth and work 24 hours a day to save the city’s economy. The miraculous way is that the automakers do it themselves.
Maybach 57S: Now That's What I Call Depreciation!
TX Chevy Traverse Promotion: The Medium is the Massage
This Is Not Chrysler's New Advertisement
But it probably should look something like this. Prices are in Australian dollars. For the moment.
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