Why do drug smugglers use Chrysler’s patented Stow ‘N Go storage system to smuggle $100k worth of marijuana across the Mexican border? Because they can. Or, because Wieden + Kennedy have another Caravan ad to make. But this is hardly the most entertaining shot from the LA Times’ gallery of “Bizarre Border Busts” [Hat Tip: Richard Chen]. No, you’ll have to hit the jump for that one…

Wait, Steve Jobs is signing up for an EV at the rollout of the new iPhone? Is the zen master of Silicon Valley a Volt guy or a Leaf lover?

Strangely, this disclaimer isn’t even the funniest thing about the fresh-to-Youtube E-Class Cabriolet ad [available after the jump]. That prize goes to the way the otherwise undeniably handsome E-Cab looks with its “Aircap” system deployed. No wonder this previous ad stuck to long shots, and made light of the option’s contradictory and dispensable nature. Sure, folks in cold climates deserve convertibles too, but this Aircap thing just reminds me of cafe seating on Sunset Boulevard with heat lamps blaring on a 65-degree day. Silly wealthy folk… buy the coupe if you don’t like drafts.

As I noted in my most recent review, TTAC’s coverage of cars and the companies that create them are based largely on the power of the internet to deliver the latest news on which to base our breaking analysis. And though a constant stream of news-based analysis will continue to define TTAC’s content, it’s also become clear to me that we (myself, in particular) need to spend more time behind the wheel even if that means a little less time behind the keyboard.

Having already informed the motor press that its Maybach brand will be making a long-overdue exit from the retail market, Daimler is getting all Weekend At Bernies about the failed super-premium marque. Instead of selling the Maybach name to an upstart Chinese firm, or developing an all-new model, Daimler has decided to keep the brand on life support in a more cynical fashion than even we could have anticipated: hiring an outside firm to develop a two-door version of its 57S sedan.

About a half-hour after TTAC’s 15 Years of Compact Car Sales graph went up today, the normally enthusiast-oriented car blog Jalopnik gave the internet its own take on compact-car segment analysis with a post titled The Ford Fiesta Will Dominate The Small Car Segment. Some might question how this is supposed to jive with Jalopnik’s alleged commitment to “awesomeness,” but our concerns are far more prosaic. Examples: the absence of the Fiesta’s actual competitors like the Honda Fit, Nissan Versa and Toyota Yaris, and the absence of interior volume comparisons which would expose this “comparison” for the fraud it is. And that’s just for starters…

Sadly, my internet came crashing around my ears just as GM’s Q1 results conference call was getting interesting. Typical Monday. I’ll rock myself to sleep tonight with a recording of the call and report back tomorrow, but at this point the big news is plainly visible on this single slide. Yes, GM finally got control of its incentives and wrestled them below the industry average… for a month. That month (March) also just happened to be the worst month this year for GM market-share wise. The next month (April), the incentives went back over the industry average, and market share increased once again. The lesson seems obvious: GM won’t gain market share on promises of high-quality cars and taxpayer payback alone.

From John Dillinger to Nicolas Cage, the car industry has always needed villains. In fact, one could almost make the argument that the entire top quarter or so of the luxury car market is wholly dependent on scumbags of one kind or another. As Raymond Chandler once noted, there’s no honest way to make a hundred million bucks… and spending millions on cars is a great way to advertise one’s comfort with the moral ambiguities of ostentatious wealth. So when America’s most notoriously crooked car dealer, a certain Denny Hecker, auctions off his personal fleet as part of his $767m bankruptcy (itself triggered by 25 counts of fraud and related criminal charges), you expect to see some good stuff hitting the block.

Long-wheelbase Benzes have a long and proud history, having been owned by such icons of cool as John Lennon and Hugh Hefner, as well as infamous villains like Pol Pot, “Baby Doc” Duvalier and Jeremy Clarkson. And, as Auto Motor und Sport informs us, the decline of other glandular vehicles like the Suburban has not prevented a new round of six-door Benz models. In fact, something about this picture indicates that vehicular size inflation is not completely a thing of the past… can you spot it?

Maybe I’m showing my age here, but my definition of the term “younger” clearly doesn’t match that of The LA Times (though the age of the driver pictured is not given). And it’s not just the photo editor either…

When it’s an Acura? Wait, that’s not right…

Who built this luxury-car concept, shown at the Beijing the Auto Show? It’s not a brand that is well-known in America, but that’s not the only reason you might be left guessing…

Former EV-1 driver and “science guy” Bill Nye hams it up while promoting GM’s Volt Extended Range Electric Vehicle. And actually, according to a recent gm-volt.com interview with Bob Lutz, GM now prefers that you refer to the Volt as “an electric vehicle with range extension.” Huh? Sounds like they’re gonna need a science guy to break this one down…

A fully grown camel weighs up to 700kg (1542 lbs). That makes about a ton and a half for a pair. Which is another testament to the legendary ruggedness of the Peugeot 404 pickup, a vehicle that I would love to own. As the former owner of a slew of Peugeot 404s, including a wagon that this pickup is based on, I can attest to their intrinsic ruggedness. And I’m a notorious overloader too, having once been weighed out with a 3400 lb load of building rocks at a quarry in my half-ton F-100. But still; and how did they get them in there anyway?

Patent drawings of what appears to be a compact/subcompact MPV bearing the Chevy Volt’s grille have surfaced at GMInsidenews, setting off much speculation as to what it all means. And boy is there room to speculate. Initial impressions are of a Chevy Orlando/ Buick Granite with a Volt-alike grille, but upon closer inspection the line drawings appear to show a smaller vehicle. After all, Orlando is supposed to offer a seven passenger option, and it’s hard to imagine sitting aft of those rear doors. And yet the Volt drivetrain was built around GM’s Delta II platform, which underpins both the Orlando and Granite (in concept); why would GM downsize its expensive EREV to the Aveo’s Gamma II platform before building out Delta II variants?

Buick’s LaCrosse is dropping its little-loved 3.0 V6 base engine in favor GM’s direct-injected 2.4 liter four-banger, probably so it can use the magic term “3o MPG highway” in forthcoming marketing. The downsides? You mean, besides having to move over 4,000 lbs with a 182 hp, 172 lb-ft engine (compared to the 3.0’s 255 hp, 217 lb-ft)?

Japan’s Mag-X [via Autoten] brings us this rendering of a Toyota low-cost car, said to be planned for a 2012 launch in India’s hot-hot entry-level car market. Expected to weigh about 1,322 lbs, Toyota’s Tata Nano-fighter is said to have an 800cc two-cylinder engine mounted out back (alá Nano).

Pictures are supposed to be worth a thousand words, but this one is good for at least two whole life lessons. First: you get what you pay for. If you buy the world’s cheapest car, as insurance agent Satish Sawant did, it might just burst into flames on the drive home from the dealership. Second: Google Adsense has no sense of irony.

Artist Jeremy Dean goes “Back To Futurama,” with this “horse-drawn testament to the collapse of the auto-industry.” [via animalnewyork.com, HT Richard Chen]