Your humble author was charmed by the facelifted Kia Soul when I drove it last year. It’s a solid product, but its runaway popularity in the segment is at least partially due to a group of hamsters who rapped along to an old Black Sheep song.

After confronting robots with an LMFAO tune, the hamsters took a sabbatical — but they are back.

The folks over at Allpar are concerned about Dart sales. The initial batch of Darts were released as “Rally” models with manual transmissions for about $23,000 — and apparently, one of the Allpar reader’s dealers has an ADP sticker on top of that! The Darts don’t seem to be selling. Not for $23,000, and not with a manual transmission.

Now the Wall Street Journal is chiming in.

In rapper parlance, the word “ignorant” often denotes someone or something that is offensively ostentatious, lacking in taste, discretion or refinement. It’s a great descriptor for the Cadillac Escalade, and according to an Automotive News report, things aren’t going to change when the next generation debuts.

Isaac Mizrahi’s most notable accomplishment to date might be copping a feel off Scarlett Johannson on live TV. Now, the fashion designed is trying his hand (no pun intended) at automotive marketing.

More bad news for Suzuki fans; the marque won’t have any new product for the Untied States until at least 2015.

You can see this ad. Television viewers in the UK can’t. The Chevrolet Volt is sold in the UK as the Vauxhall Ampera, and its ad has been banned by the UK Advertising Standards Authority. It says the ad is misleading. The ad claims a 360-mile range. GM is a serial offender when it comes to alternate realities, and this ad is the latest installment.

Your humble author hates the Lamborghini Urus with the fury of a thousand indignant suns. I am also completely over the whole self-congratulatory Pebble Beach/Monterey Historics business which is currently occupying the attention of the entire West Coast buffet-browsing crew.

Out of consideration of the fact that some of you might not feel the same way, however, heeeeere’s Urus!

Jaguar will finally offer all-wheel drive on their XF and XJ sedans – but only in one configuration, and where demand is highest.

Last week, Jalopnik ran a story bemoaning the loss of Joel Ewanick, complete with some appropriately DeLorean-esque winks towards possible conspiracy and a note that Mr. Ewanick just busted out a $1.4 million mortgage for a home in Detroit. This doesn’t seem like a good deal; surely $1.4 mil should get you, oh, I don’t know, 1,400 homes in Detroit.

What was so great about the guy who apparently green-lit “Chevy Runs Deep”? Perhaps a look into what GM once considered to be good marketing copy will offer some insight.

This comes from today’s Porsche Club of America e-mail newsletter. Can you identify the actress in this advertisement for the 996 Carrera? We know this ad was filmed a long time ago, because now the young lady from the clip has become a rather famous adult, and also because there isn’t any heavy oil smoke coming from the exhaust — a sure sign that this 996 hasn’t covered more than, oh, a couple thousand miles. Be aware that any “I’d hit it comments” will receive the same chilly reception that my ex-wife gave me when I uttered the phrase during the fencing scene of 1998’s “The Parent Trap” reboot.

The latest chapter of the Joel Ewanick saga is unfolding courtesy of Bloomberg. Our long-suffering marketing chief appears to have been sacked in part because he committed the heinous crime of buying cheap furniture.

Devotees of the Manchester United soccer club call for a boycott of the products made by the club’s sponsors. This famously includes Chevrolet. Last Monday, GM signed a seven year contract with Manchester United. A day before, GM’s Chief Marketing Executive Joel Ewanick, the architect of the deal, was fired. Manchester United supporters are opposed to their club going public on Wall Street. To put pressure on the Glazer family to ditch the plan, they ask the public to stay clear of the products of the club’s sponsors.

In the eternal quest to adhere to “sustainability”, Lamborghini will apparently be fitting the Aventador with a start-stop system and cylinder deactivation. Am I the only one that finds the recent trend of eco-friendly supercars ridiculous?

Meet the car that people are identifying as the production version of the 918 Spyder. It’s gorgeous, really, and it has a lot of nice shout-outs to the incomparable 904 in its styling and proportions.

Starting with the redesigned 2013 Accord, Honda will introduce its new, ultra-efficient/more powerful Earth Dreams engine lineup. And it’s far from the most silly moniker attached to automotive technology.

According to Toyota, if you don’t drive, you won’t get the girl. But at least a yarmulke-clad Jean Reno will help you out. No wonder so many young Japanese men are staying shut in their rooms.

How strange that on a day full of Joel Ewanick related news, an old face pops up at a crosstown rival.

The new Civic Si makes a better race car than it does a road car. That’s the message that I got from the new Compass360/Honda promotional video starring Shea Holbrook. Ms. Holbrook is by turns charming, wooden, stilted, and charming again. The Compass360 Civic is already a multiple event winner. The plain-vanilla one running down the freeway next to it? No thanks, unless it comes with a twenty-something female racer willing to coach me a bit.

Yesterday we showed AutoBILD’s rendering of a new GLG. Our Best and Brightest immediately caught on to the fact that the image was derived from the Land Rover DC100 Concept, another image of which is above for your viewing disgust at the way in which Land Rover’s current owners are coring-out every last bit of the company’s heritage pleasure.

While bloggers and the MSM are gobbling up the red herrings served by the deep throats at GM, some people are connecting the dots. They even drew a map. If you are concerned about U.S. taxpayer’s money leaving for Old Blighty, you want to read on. Don’t do it on an empty stomach. Or maybe do. You will want to puke.

One day after GM’s Chief Marketing Executive Joel Ewanick was fired for failing ” to meet the expectations that the company has for its employees,” one day after it was leaked like from a fire hose that there were shady going ons between Ewanick and the Manchester United soccer club, GM signed a seven year contract with just the same soccer club. A day after the ouster of a marketing chief who was tasked with saving billions, GM paid, according to Reuters, “twice as much as the team’s previous automotive sponsor” for putting “Chevrolet” on the team’s jerseys. Does this pass the smell test?

One of the most popular “ Out of Thin Air” stories over the last 24 months has concerned the existence of a factory turbocharged Scion FR-S. In second place, the existence of a convertible Scion FR-S. At long last, a reliable source of information has confirmed their existence – but we won’t be getting them.

“Two questions.” Our European contributor, Mirko Reinhardt, wants to test my knowledge. “First question: Last month was a pretty big month for Cadillac in Germany, relatively speaking. How many Cadillacs did GM sell? And second question: Which model sold best?”

Oh, man.

Pictures of the “production” version of the 2013 Nissan Pathfinder, which looks about the same as the “concept” version unveiled at Detroit in January. And along with the reveal, another body-on-frame SUV bites the dust.

Automotive News is reporting that Joel Ewanick has left General Motors. Ewanick was hired away from Nissan (who had just hired him away from Hyundai) to bring fresh thinking to GM’s marketing and advertising efforts.

Chevrolet is slowly launching the Spark subcompact in select markets across the United States, with more MTV/Viacom-derived “millenial focused” ad campaigns. But Chevrolet is being cagey, if not evasive, regarding projected sales.

HEY! Remember when I said the Cadillac ATS was going to be a miserable failure? Guess what? It still IS going to be a miserable failure! But you’d never know it from the glowing reviews on the Web right now, many of which are filled with self-described on-track driving heroics that sound utterly Schumacher-esque until you realize they were done with mandatory save-the-brakes stops every lap and with careful supervision.

Motor Trend’s Scott Evans managed to slip the surly bonds of that supervision long enough to touch his Cadillac’s face to a couple of trees. We challenged GM and Motor Trend to release the black box data and share with the public what really happened.

Well, I’m pleased to announce that Mr. Evans completely fessed-up to the real reasons behind the accident in the full-length MT feature on the car, which was just released. Just kidding! He didn’t even mention it! He who controls the past, controls the future! It never happened! Love ya, Scott! For the amusement of TTAC’s readers, I have, ah, slightly edited Mr. Evans’ review to reflect what he perhaps should have written.

Gilt, a subscription-based fashion deal website, was offering an incredible deal on two hot Fiat products. $5,000 off a Fiat 500C or Fiat 500 Abarth.

AutoGuide states that

In many ways, the 1LE is to the Camaro SS what the Boss 302 is to the Mustang GT.

Sure, and in many ways Silver Side Up was to Nickelback what Zep II was to Jimmy Page and the rest of the boys. And just like Silver Side Up, the Camaro keeps selling like there’s probably no tomorrow, and certainly no trackday tomorrow. Let’s see what 1LE customers will get.

Hey, remember when Porsche introduced the 959? Wasn’t that awesome? Yes, it was. It was awesome.

Remember when they brought out some wack-ass sedan at the same time that looked like a radiation-deformed Cold-War-era Tatra and made sure that they saturation-bombed the media with advertisements designed to make sure that every McMansion Mommy promptly earned a subsidized lease of one by agreeing to wear “something special” on the next few Monday nights? And remember when they decided not to make the 944 Turbo so they could focus on making that sedan?

No, because that didn’t happen.

This is 2012, however, and the Massive Marketing Machine That Is Porsche both giveth to, and taketh away from, the joys of its long-suffering enthusiast base.

Yesterday, a whirlwind of spy shots uncovered what looks to be the SX4 replacement Suzuki will start shipping to lots later this year. So far, observations of the new pint-sized every man rally car look promising, including possible turbo power and a handsome, if unremarkable, interior. But, will it be enough to satiate the appetite of Anglo American tastes? Or does American Suzuki need to focus more on the brand image train?

I don’t think anybody else in automotive journalism can make this claim: I’ve put in nearly 37,000 miles behind the wheel of a Bentley Continental GT, in places as disparate as New York City’s West 48th Street (home of Rudy’s Music), the rural roads of northern Kentucky, and the Climbing Esses at Virginia International Raceway. Forget a lead-follow press event or the rich-for-a-week-wannabe experience of a loaner car: every mile I spent behind the Bentley’s wheel was at my own expense.

Of course, I’m speaking literally here: I’d actually purchased the piano-black-wood-rimmed steering wheel from a Continental GT and installed it, along with a set of Bentley paddle shifters, into my 2006 VW Phaeton V8. When I finally got around to driving the real thing, I couldn’t believe how close the driving experience of the $190,000-plus Bentley was to that of the $68,000 Volkswagen. “This car,” I thought at the time, “is a Phaeton for idiots, which is really saying something.”

Five years later, the Continental GT is still a Phaeton for idiots, except now it’s an old Phaeton for idiots. Old, tired, and showing no signs of life despite a twin-turbo-V-8 heart transplant. It’s time to pull the plug on a car that never even deserved to be called a Bentley in the first place.

When the question of whether a Death Watch should be started for Suzuki was first posed here at TTAC in April, there was a lot going on behind the scenes at the stylized “S” brand but not many facts filtering out to the public.

As of today, TTAC’s Death Watch starts for Suzuki’s North American operations. And if you haven’t been following the drama, here’s some background for you…

While sitting through the new Pitbull-scored Fiat 500 ad, a model at :49 seconds in caught my eye – it looks a lot like the leaked photos of the 500T, which supposedly carries a version of the Abarth’s 1.4L turbo engine.

“It’s nice to be liked,” my future third wife Liz Phair sings, “but it’s better by far to get paid.” When your humble author began a vigorous program of auto-media meta-criticism under the guidance of the august Robert Farago a few years ago, I expected to be hated by my peers, and I was. I expected to be shunned by the industry PR people, and I was. I even feared I might be the subject of underhanded personal attacks designed to cost me my job, my home, and my ability to feed my son, and I wasn’t disappointed in that, either. The only thing I didn’t expect was to be emulated.

Now we have the nice folks at FORTUNE doing their own meta-critical review-the-reviewers, complete with double helpings of cynicism and supposition. Their target: The new Chevrolet Malibu ECO. They credit TTAC’s own Michael Karesh with being “an early sign that consensus was building” on the car. And the verdict?

Sometimes, the Ford Facebook pages bring you horrifying news like “We commissioned Tanner Foust, Vaughn Gittin Jr., Brian Deegan, Ken Block, and other amazing drivers to take the Focus ST through its paces against competitors for our upcoming video series dubbed, ‘ST Sessions.'”

If the thought of indirectly paying those four, ah, individuals to “hoon” by purchasing a new Focus ST hasn’t completely made you lose your appetite, there’s now some actual news regarding the car to share:

A few years ago, a wave of internet-fueled utopian ideas were supposed to headline yet another “paradigm shift” (or whatever throwaway bullshit term you wish to substitute) as the Web 2.0 revolution made us all more “open” or “social” or “connected”. Then, most of us woke up and realized that this was all a scheme by a bunch of social maladroits to get rich using our personal data, and we all went back to living our lives.

Browsing TrueCar’s top lease deals for July, 2012 yielded an interesting find; a lease deal on the Chevrolet Volt that specifically excludes HOV-lane qualified versions.

When Joel Ewanick left Hyundai and signed on as GM’s marketing top gun, some people asked when he would do something like Hyundai’s warranties. Others said GM won’t dare. Announcing two new programs, GM dares, carefully.

A lawsuit filed by a Florida investor against General Motors over the age-old practice of “channel stuffing”, or sending inventory to dealers and recording it as a “sale”, so that revenue numbers can be pumped up while the vehicles languish on dealer lots. The practice of channel stuffing is universal in the auto industry, but in this case, the consequences are much broader.

Car-shopping service TrueCar allegedly is getting disenchanted with its partner Yahoo. In January, TrueCar became Yahoo’s exclusive auto-shopping partner, for a fee. Automotive News [sub] says the price was $50 million per year over three years. AN also says that TrueCar ended that deal.

Now that the dust has settled, it’s time to take a look at our favorite automotive urination competition, the epic battle between the Chevrolet Volt, Nissan Leaf and the Toyota Prius Plug-In.

The Wall Street Journal’s Driver’s Seat touches on the muscle car segment, and whether they’ll fall pitfall to rising gas prices in the future, CAFE regulations or some combination of the two. Among the solutions brought up in the article – by Chrysler executives, no less – is “a high output four-cylinder engine”.

The McLaren MP4-12C may be a supremely competent and accomplished sporting supercar, but only someone with a creepy, shiny-vinyl Lewis Hamilton signature Vodafone pit-crew shirt would pick one over the Ferrari 458 or Lamborgini Gallardo. It’s a bland, generic-looking wedge that was named after a secret “performance factor” number using calculations known only to McLaren. Not since Pontiac named a car the “6000STE” has nomenclature been so uninspiring, and since the Audi R8 offers twice the visual drama for about half the money it’s easy to see why the MP4-12C isn’t exactly setting the world on fire. The old SLR “McMerc” may have been a claustrophobic sauna that was frighteningly vulnerable to its much cheaper SL65 AMG sibling in a straight line and at risk from the even more prole-oriented SL55 AMG around a racetrack, but at least it looked like something interesting.

Just like the SLR, however, the MP4-12C is being top-chopped to pique a bit of consumer interest. It must absolutely grind the gears of the faceless androids working at the McLaren Technology Centre that they have to add eighty-eight pounds of folding hardtop to their marquee road car, just to make sure the average Russian gangster puts one in the garage next to his Aventador, but as the English say: “Needs must when the devil rides”.

Bloomberg is reporting that General Motors and Facebook are talking again, in an attempt to get GM to resume advertising on the social network. Meetings between GM CEO Dan Akerson and Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg were being reported.

You can tell it’s a slow news day when something like this gets so much traction across the blogosphere. Puritalia, a brand-new Italian company which claims to be able to build, like, whatever car you could imagine, has taken the wraps off a picture of a “427” roadster. Although they claim to be inspired by Shelby, there’s another possibility which is in no way undermined by the odd fin-and-gill-like structures on the fender.

Right before AIDS and Reagan ruined the party, the early 1980s were a time of meaningless random sex, 20% inflation, sub-100-horsepower midsize sedans, Quaaludes, and— most of all— mountains of white powder (in imagination, not in the reality of the ’81 recession). This ad for the 1981 Ford Mustang captures the spirit of its time.

News of the next Alfa Romeo Spider sharing its technology with the Mazda MX-5 led to some speculation that the Spider would be a more expensive version of the MX-5, perhaps with a bespoke powertrain and styling. Not quite.

I come to bury Motor Trend’s Scott Evans, not to praise him. Scratch that: Jalopnik’s Matt Hardigree already dug and filled Mr. Evans’ grave with a double sprinkling of schadenfreude. It’s old news. Not that I don’t personally chuckle every time GM deliberately stacks their event with yes-men and useful idiots, only to see one of those puppets smash the Chinese wheels right off one of their press-trip whips, but it’s happening often enough now that it’s no longer particularly interesting.

Rather, I have a more noble purpose in mind: I want to make sure that the average TTAC reader won’t ever trash a car on the street the way Evans did. We’ll examine Scott’s version of the events, consider the likely truth of that version, and explain how he could have prevented the accident.

Before we do any of that, however, I have an extremely unusual story to tell: it’s the one about the journalist who backed off from the edge and didn’t wreck the car.

Just when we thought that Chevrolet couldn’t do enough to alienate their coveted “millennials”, the press release for the Chevrolet Spark just provides further evidence that the brand is trying way too hard to the point where it’s embarassing.

“If you want a Veloster Turbo, you can buy one right now – it’s called the Genesis Coupe.”

That’s what Hyundai CEO John Krafcik told us at the launch of the Veloster last year, when asked about the possibility of a performance version of Hyundai’s distinctive-looking hatchback. Less than a year later, we have a boosted Veloster and a Genesis Coupe that’s better than ever.

Does the new 991 need more power? After all, in addition to the inevitable (and mandatory) color-mag fellatio you’d expect, it’s already impressed Brendan McAleer at a Porsche-operated press event and squeaked out a narrow victory over a Mustang GT in an impromptu challenge at Summit Point’s Shenandoah course.

In the days when Porsche was a manufacturer of sports cars, rather than a purveyor of two-ton plasti-metallic pig-mobiles doing the occasional sporting car for purposes of brand enhancement, its policy of continuous improvement meant that each year’s 911 was better than the last. Nowadays, however, the company sets out its marketing objectives and molds the product to suit.

Witness: the new 991 Powerkit.

A few weeks ago, I took a Scion FR-S out for a spin. It was an automatic dealer demo, so I decided to withhold judgement until I drove the manual transmission car.

Video NSFW for language

Automotive News features one of the better breakdowns of automaker Facebook campaigns, minus the breathless masturbatory social media buzzwords that so frequently surround any discussion of “engagement” or “conversations” . The consensus seems to be shifting in one direction; it’s worthless, even if Mark Rechtin and David Barkholz are too polite to say so.

Consulting firm Alix Partners predicts a slowdown of U.S. auto sales. The study, reported at Reuters, cites the usual suspects, such as lingering high unemployment, increased costs and more people driving less. It then touches on something that is very basic, but often overlooked: Sales are driven by the number of potential buyers. If there are fewer buyers, there will be fewer buys. New cars are bought in certain age groups, usually somewhere at around 35 and up. As the boomers are going out to pasture, there simply will be fewer potential buyers.

Once upon a time, Land Rover was a classic British marque and I counted myself proud to have taken delivery of not one (which is mere interest), not two (which is simple optimism), but four new Discoveries and Range Rovers in my twentysomething years.

Now, of course, the “Britishness” of LR is a marketing angle, designed to con the “punters” into parting with increasingly ridiculous amounts of cash for ever more nouveau-friendly vehicles such as the absurd Range Rover Sport HSE Luxury. To make that Britishness more palatable, Land Rover has “formalised” a relationship with the crazy people who used to make the Bowler Wildcat.

Rounding out our day of Top Ten lists, news reaches us that Total Car Score came up with a list of the Top Ten Convertible Cars for 2012.

The Chevrolet Volt should eclipse its 2011 sales total by the end of June, and is apparently on pace to sell 20,000 units this year. It’s also outselling a major Chevrolet nameplate.