Porsche's Future Plans Are Delightful, Horrifying

DAMMIT JACK, you just made me spend 30 minutes drewling over pics and stories on the iconic 959!

OK, Jack, enough of the subtlety. Now tell us how you REALLY feel about Porsche's product planning and development. Actually, that rant was good...on a par with the Elliot Gould rant while taking his orals for his doctorate in Literature, and he finally stops trying to refuse to go along with the professor who insists that The Great Gatsby is really about a homosexual relationship. And it blows the doors in on the rant in Network, where the lead yells "WE'RE MAD AS HELL AND WE'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT!". And although I am not a true believer aficionado of Porsche, I once (in my youth) thought that the 356 and 911 were the sweet spot of price vs. performance, across the universe of cars. And I haven't thought much of any of them since. And that rash of crankshaft eating that they became famous for in the late eighties or nineties kind of put the nail in the coffin for me. And the first Boxsters looked like they were designed to make the Miata look like a sleek racing machine. And the 914 - WTH was that all about? So in the end, whether Porsche had a Solstice of its own or not is irrelevant...the quality and value propositions had long since been flushed down the drain in search of the holy ROI. I can see why people still pay mad money for aging 911's. They were the last car Porsche made with true stying and character, intellectually honest well-engineered cars. I may have missed one after that, as I quit paying attention, but if I did, it hardly leapt out of the page. But if Porsche sales volume continues to rise, you may be right about the change in suburban family dynamics in Porsche owning families. And if you are, it would be wise to buy stock in Victoria's Secret before Wall Street notices that Porsche sales are a leading indicator of VS sales volumes. Perhaps not for the initial sales, in order for the car to be delivered, but certainly to make sure that the housewife in question is kept in the vehicle, and I use that word advisedly, as the monthly payments come due. But maybe we can get Porsche to ditch the Pajun name, and go with Pa-Jr., pronounced "Padger", rhymes with Badger of Breaking Bad fame. He sort of represents the personality of the car. Perhaps he could be the spokesperson for a TV campaign. "Badger here, for the Porsche Padger. Like me, a bit on the large size, but a friendly, likeable type, even if not too swift. And it's never really dangerous, as long as it stays out of its own way. The Porsche Padger, the perfect car for our times." And don't let me get started on an S version of a Porsche Aztek-like CUV. The S PazTek, the perfect way to move your groceries quickly across the parking lot. I think it must have something to do with the glue that they use on the interiors of the new Porsches. I can't imagine what else could cause such delusional forays as Porsche has launched for the last quarter of a century plus. Keep moving...there's nothing left to see here. The party ended years ago. But seriously, I do feel sorry for you, having something you thought so highly of at one time come tumbling down all around you, a joke semblance of its once glorious past. I remember the story of how a racing car once wouldn't corner properly, and Dr. Ferry Porsche shocked all the other engineers in lab coats, by laying down on a creeper and crawling under the car to see where the interference was occurring. Engineers just didn't do that at that time in Germany. But Herr Dr. Porsche did...and that was what made his cars so good. It seems that none of that spirit is left in the organization. Just one huge marketing department, driving styling and product design, in a mad race to capture dollars, never mind how. Just find things people can be induced to spend money on, and slap the lettering on the back end. And all the king's horses, and all the king's men, Will not be able to put Humpty together again!