In The Fierce Battle With Morgan For German Sales Supremacy, Cadillac Relies On The Heavy Artillery

Jack Baruth
by Jack Baruth
in the fierce battle with morgan for german sales supremacy cadillac relies on the

“Two questions.” Our European contributor, Mirko Reinhardt, wants to test my knowledge. “First question: Last month was a pretty big month for Cadillac in Germany, relatively speaking. How many Cadillacs did GM sell? And second question: Which model sold best?

Oh, man.

“To answer your first question, I want to be all sarcastic and say a hundred units or something snarky and haterade-ish like that, but maybe it was more like a thousand?”

“Sorry, you’re wrong. The answer is: Eleven. Cadillac sold eleven units. That’s actually more than their monthly average for the year. Now, one particular Cadillac model sold 10 out of the 11 sold. Which one was it?”

“Um, was it the one that Scott Burgess called ‘The Cadillac of compact cars,’ the Burgerkingring-conquering ATS?”


“Maybe it was the one that Scott Burgess called ‘The Cadillac of coupes’, the almighty CTS Coupe?”


“I’m guessing at this point that it was the one that Scott Burgess called ‘The Cadillac of sports sedans,’ the super-awesome CTS-V?”


“I give up. What was it?”

“The Escalade.”

“Oh! The one that Scott Burgess called ‘the Cadillac of Cadillacs.’ No, wait, that’s the hybrid. In another review, he called it ‘the Cadillac of hybrids.’ So it’s the Cadillac of Cadillac hybrids. I think. I wonder why he never called it the ‘Cadillac of Tahoes’? But the Germans aren’t stupid enough to buy Escalade Hybrids. Has to be the regular version, right?

“Yes. Morgan sold 13 cars, just for perspective.”

“That’s, like, 20% ahead of Cadillac! Morgan is beating Cadillac! They must be even more autobahn-ready than the Cadillac of German Cadillacs, also known as the Escalade.”

“Lamborghini sold 12. Wiesmann, 7. That’s a very exclusive group Cadillac is in. Ferrari did 78

Don’t want to drive a Ferrari like everybody else? Buy a CTS. The one Cadillac that the company sold last month that wasn’t an Escalade was a CTS.”

“Of course! Naturally the Germans would love the CTS. Former TTAC staffer Jonny Lieberman called his CTS-V ‘the best German car sold today’, or something like that. There must be a Motor Trend reader in Germany, right?”


“Maybe somebody checked the wrong box on the order form, otherwise it would have been 11 for 11 on the Escalade tip. What do you think Cadillac can do to catch Morgan in this month’s sales race?”

“It’s past my bedtime.”

It turns out the Germans aren’t particularly convinced by Cadillac’s ostensible domination of the Burgerkingring. When they buy Cadillacs, the Lords Of Der Autobahnen Und Schtuff want what the rest of us want: a real Cadillac. Body on frame. Plush. Bouncy. In your face. Proper size. The hell with an Escalade. We know what Germans like. We know what Krauts want.

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  • Austromotiv8e Austromotiv8e on Jul 31, 2012

    Many Germans drive Escalades, BUT only while on vacation in US, and they like it (like me). Coming back to Europe, everthing is shrinking to reality and the VW Golf is just fine for most of us. There is a Cadillac Dealer around the corner, made his living with small Opels and now is selling KIAs. No good country for big cars! Small Cadillacs won´t sell either, because the image is related to the big fuelkillers and the Red-Light-District Escalades. Schade eigentlich!

  • Mark MacInnis Mark MacInnis on Jul 31, 2012

    Where the f--- are they going to PARK an Escalade in Europe? Every stinkin' town in that wretched place is old, with narrow streets, narrower bridges and parking for SMART cars and Mini's.

  • Bkojote I think it's a home run that VW is bound to bungle.For the anti-CUV crowd there's a cool factor here as pickup trucks have become so cartoonish. This will absolutely embarrass the neighbor with a GMC pavement princess pile in the driveway. Even better, the VW van fandom hasn't ruined these the same way it has the Sprinter, and honestly the design looks tight. And believe it or not there's huge demands for minivans- look no further than the unobtanium that is the Toyota Sienna.So here's what's going to go wrong-These are going to be priced on the premium end and they'll be hype for the first 3 years. The owners (whom The MKIV coil packs and dieselgate disasters a distant memory) trading in their post-college Rav4's and CR-V's are going to quickly discover the whole host of Volkswagen failures- bad sensors, glitchy software, leaking roofs, and hell it'll probably have an emissions scandal of its own somehow. This on top of the already terrible haptic controls VW has, the unreliable charging network, and terrible range. And they'll have the privilege of endlessly fighting with Sleazy Sam's VW dealership after the 4th flat bed tow.They're gonna make the same mistake the kids did in the 80's with the rabbit, the 90's with the Passat and Jetta, and the 00-10's with the TDI's- think VW finally turned the corner and stopped making garbage before doing the trade of shame back to Toyota and Honda.
  • Buickman the only fire should be in the board room.they just hired an executive from Whirlpool.that should help them go do the drain.
  • Mike Beranek I don't care about the vehicles. But I'd be on board for inspecting the drivers.
  • Art Vandelay Coming to a rental lot near you. And when it does know there is a good chance EBFlex and Tassos have puffed each other's peters in it!
  • Art Vandelay I doubt there is even room for EBFlex and Tassos to puff each other's peters in that POS