Last week, Volkswagen Chairman Ferdinand Piech celebrated his 75th birthday. Yesterday, the presents arrived. Volkswagen bought the maker of Piech’s motorcycle, Ducati. Piech’s contract as chairman was extended by 5 years. And a buxom blonde received a seat on the board: Piech’s wife Ursula.

The Emir of Abu Dhabi is tired of the car business. Germany’s Spiegel Magazin heard that Abu Dhabi’s sovereign wealth fund Aabar wants to sell all stock in Daimler. Aabar also wants out of Daimler’s Formula 1 team and the joint investment in Tesla.

Volkswagen’s CEO warned its shareholders of a “very demanding year,” what with the European debt crisis depressing auto markets and growth in growth markets slowing. What is growing is risks, said Winterkorn at VW’s annual general meeting. Oddly enough, it is Volkswagen’s competitors who should be very worried.

How do you produce record gains while your home market goes to hell in a hand basket? Volkswagen has the answer: You try to keep the lid on the hand basket and sell like hell elsewhere. The Volkswagen Group delivered 2.16 million vehicles globally in the first quarter of 2012, up 9.6 percent from the same period in 2011.This was the first time that the two million mark was crossed in the first quarter of a year. Record deliveries were also recorded for the month of March: 862,700 units, up 12.5 percent from 767,100 in March 2011.

China is Porsche’s second largest market (behind the U.S.) and most of the Porsches shipped to the Middle Kingdom are Cayennes. No wonder that Porsche will choose the upcoming Beijing Auto Show to present a successor to its brutish GTS.

Rumors of Audi starting U.S. production have been floating around for a while. Tennesseans in Chattanooga had hoped Audi would move in with Volkswagen. These hopes have been dashed over the weekend. Germany’s Spiegel report s that Audi will get its own plant in Mexico.

Ferdinand Alexander Porsche, the designer of the Porsche 911, died today in Salzburg.

Stories of Greek defaults and Italian austerity programs make you think that Europe as a whole is just about to implode. Not true at all. The export-oriented German economy profits from the still relatively low Euro. The good mood in Germany is reflected in the number of new cars that were registered in March. Germany’s Kraftfahrtbundesamt reports a 3.4 percent rise in March, compared to the same month of 2011.

A while ago, the UAW started passing out signature cards at Volkswagen’s factory in Chattanooga, TN. It looks like most landed in the garbage can.

If you sell anything, a house, a car, a company, you always appreciate a good bidding war. Rivals Audi and Daimler could be in such a bidding war, if Italy’s Corriere della Sera is correctly informed. They are feuding over a troubled maker of motor cycles, Ducati.

“This would be the most expensive plant closure of all times,” warned Rainer Einenkel, chief of Opel’s works council and Vice Chairman of its supervisory board. “This would cost GM billions,” Einenkel said today at a news conference following a staff meeting in Bochum. “Opel would not survive this.”

Daimler and BYD unveiled their joint EV brand Denza today. They literally just unveiled the brand. The cars will be unveiled at the Beijing Motor Show in the last week of April. They should have kept everything covered and hire some professionals.

Carmakers all over the world strive to make more with less. All car companies that want to be around in a few years are on some kind of a standardization drive. GM wants to cut its 30 platforms down to 14. Volkswagen wants to get rid of platforms altogether .

Mercedes will halve its vehicle architectures to two by 2015, and will double its number of model variants to 30, Automotive News [sub] reports.

Daimler Benz will launch a new lighter and more fuel efficient C-Klasse in 2014. Auto Motor und Sport caught a prototype. The Erlkönig is only slightly camouflaged. Its Blade Runner outfit could not stop the AMS PhotoShop expert from recreating a C Class as it hopefully will appear in showrooms two years from now. See below.

Opel’s supervisory board meeting ended with nothing. All the board, which consists of 50 percent labor and 50 percent of what is called “the equity side,” could agree on was that revenue, costs and margins are important. It’s good they have figured that out by now. Plant closures have been tabled. There is no sense in announcing them now anyway – plants cannot be closed before 2015.

GM has turned its Ellesmere Port plant into “a no-go area for media amid ongoing speculation over its future,” says The Guardian. Staff and suppliers have been told to avoid reporters. “Attempts to photograph Astras awaiting delivery at the site’s distribution centre prompt a visit from security guards who ask the Guardian to desist,” says the paper.

Today, the Supervisory Board of GM’s ill-fated Opel division is meeting. For the first time, the unions are in the majority on the board. In addition to half of the seats in the boardroom being occupied by representatives named by labor, UAW boss Bob King is taking part in the meeting. It is unlikely that King’s vote will strengthen the labor side. King comes as an emissary of GM, where the UAW, through VEBA, owns 10 percent of the stock. Representing the capitalist side of the equation, King will have to vote for job losses and plant closures. If not today, then soon.

Last December, Toyota and BMW announced “a long-term technological partnership.” Ostensibly, it was about developing batteries together, and about BMW supplying diesel engines, in that order. Four months later, the priorities seem to have changed a little.

Last week, Opel’s labor representatives complained that GM does not want to negotiate with them. Now it’s the unions that don’t want to talk. Today, labor representatives of eight countries sent Opel CEO Karl-Friedrich Stracke a letter. The letter consisted of only one sentence, written in eight languages:

After a round of psychological warfare with targeted leaks, GM seems to be ready to attack the overcapacity at lossmaking Opel in earnest – eventually. The German government reportedly has been informed that Opel wants to close Bochum. Jobs will be exported to low cost countries such as Poland, Russia, China, India, Mexico and Brazil. Cars will be imported even from China.

Daimler’s R&D chief Thomas Weber told Germany’s Wirtschaftswoche a big secret: Daimler will show an electric car at the Beijing auto show that opens in the last week of April. Of course, TTAC readers already knew the secret. But it is always nice to have independent verification.

Real Chinese brands are losing market share to joint ventures. The Chinese government wants to keep up appearances, and strongly suggests to joint ventures with foreigners that they should start a separate “Chinese” brand. Latest to say “hao” (yes, ok, jawohl) is Daimler. Its joint venture with BYD to make electric cars in China will dispense with making electric Mercedes first and will instead immediately head to second base and launch a Chinese brand.

Leaked plans of GM doing the math on plant closures at Opel enrage Opel’s labor leaders. They already had been miffed by GM’s unwillingness to come to the negotiating table. Now they feel blindsided by math by math exercises at GM that involve the closure of Opel’s Bochum plant, the plant in Ellesmere Port, or both.

In a surprise attack, the UAW has taken the first formal steps to unionize Volkswagen’s U.S. factory in Chattanooga. In what Reuters calls “an escalation of its effort to establish a foothold outside the Detroit automakers,” the UAW started passing out authorization cards for workers to sign. According to U.S. labor laws, the union needs signatures from at least 30 percent of the workers of a plant before a representation election can go ahead. The UAW’s timing could not have been worse.

For the second time this year, Volkswagen is increasing headcount at its Chattanooga plant. After hiring 200 new workers in January, Volkswagen now created an additional 800 new jobs.

Looking for a way to stop the chronic bleeding of money at it notoriously loss-making Opel division, GM has been crunching numbers to see what it would cost to close one of its European plants. Bad news for GM stockholders: Relief won’t come cheap, and it won’t come soon.

After rumors from Renault and announcements by Nissan, Volkswagen lifted the skirt on its plans for the ultra-low-cost segment. Volkswagen wants to build cars for the €5,000 to €7,000 ($6,600 to $9,200) price bracket, development chief Ulrich Hackenberg told Germany’s auto motor und sport.

Volkswagen received a legal black eye from its estranged Japanese partner Suzuki. Volkswagen had taken a silly trademark fight all the way to the General Court of the European Union, and lost today, Reuters says. This is unrelated to the divorce proceedings between Volkswagen and Suzuki, but it definitely comes at an inopportune time.

With GM wanting to have a turn-around plan for its money-losing Opel division in a couple of months by summer, one would think there is at least some sense of urgency. Opel’s workers thought the same – until management rebuffed repeated attempts to sit down and talk. Opel labor leader Wolfgang Schaefer-Klug said management was not being “responsible” by rejecting the repeated efforts for negotiations, Reuters reports.

In the market for an upscale Mercedes? Are you a reader of USA Today? In that case, stop talking to your travel agent. If you have already booked a ticket to Beijing, cancel it. USA Today fooled you. Most likely without malice. USA Today doesn’t know better.

Today, USA Today writes:

The EU Commission in Brussels made good on its threat to drag Germany in front of the European Court of Justice. According to Automobilwoche [sub], Brussels has filed suit in Luxemburg. Brussels demands that the “special treatment” for Volkswagen is to be dropped. If the suit is successful, and if Germany remains obstinate, then a penalty of at least €46.6 million ($62.2 million) is demanded. The fine would have to be paid by the German government, not by Volkswagen.

A lover of a former Volkswagen labor leader has been charged for aiding in breach of trust over her role in a bribery scandal, Focus Magazin reports. The scandal had rocked Volkswagen, destroyed the image of the German metalworker union IG Metall, and aided in toppling the center-left government of Gerhard Schröder in 2005.

According to prosecutors in Braunschweig, a 47-year-old woman from Brazil received €250,000 euros ($327,000) under sham contracts between 2002 and 2005. It is also alleged that she billed Volkswagen for travel costs and language courses, totaling €100,000 ($130,000.) The woman was not identified, but anybody who has been close to the upper echelons of Volkswagen in those days knows that it can’t be anyone else than the buxom Brazilian Adriana Barros.

Daimler has attracted the wrath of Wikipedia. An anonymous Wikipedia editor had “corrected” a harmless entry about Daimler’s lobbying activities. The edit was caught. The IP address was traced back to “a server of Daimler AG,” writes Der Spiegel. All hell broke loose.

Chinese media has written for a while that Volkswagen and its Shanghai joint venture with SAIC will do a new “Chinese” brand called “Tianyue” by the Chinese, or “Tantus” by the longnoses. Only Carnewschina did some research and tells us what those names really mean. Careful, do not read on if you are offended by “mature” content, or could be fired for reading such.

When I started working for (not at) Volkswagen in the 70s, they talked about adding many brands, all the way “from MAN trucks to a motorcycle.” 40 years later, Volkswagen finally has MAN. And it might soon have that motorcycle wish fulfilled.

The podium was all smiles when Volkswagen reported an unheard-of profit of €18.9 billion ($24.8 billion) before tax, which turned into €15.8 billion ($20.7 billion) after the taxman got his €3.1 billion share. When Volkswagen announced this today in the annual results press conference, there was one man who grinned even more than anybody else.

While Opel, Fiat, and PSA blame the European malaise for their lack of luck, Mercedes, BMW, and now Volkswagen can’t get the grins off their faces. Volkswagen reports global group sales of 642,300 for February; this is up 5.1 percent from the 557,900 sold in February 2011. Global vehicle deliveries by the Volkswagen Group in January and February 2012 rose by 7.7 percent to 1.29 million units. According to Volkswagen, the world automotive market was up by roughly 6 percent in the first two months. This indicates that Volkswagen won worldwide market share.

The following tables show why Volkswagen has reason to be happy.

If you are anxious to hear what Opel is going to do to stop the bleeding of money (just in case you are holding GM stock,) then you need a lot of patience. GM Europe CEO Karl-Friedrich Stracke thinks he might have a plan within two to three months. He might have a plan. Setting the plan in motion may take longer.

While carmakers in France and Italy complain about overcapacities in a declining European market, makers of German premium cars are reporting sales records. After astounding growth at Mercedes, BMW now announces its best ever February.

Two days ago, Volkswagen announced “ambitious new sustainability targets.” The Wolfsburg company promised “30 percent reduction in CO2 emissions during the period from 2006 to 2015,” and “emissions below the 120 gram CO2/km mark for first time in 2015.” Plants of the group are to become “25 percent more environmentally compatible by 2018.”

TTAC ignored the announcement. I know VW quite intimately, and they make these announcements on a regular basis. A lot of the above had already been announced in 2011.

Our friends at Hybridcars.com have a different perspective, they think Volkswagen hoisted the white flag in the war with Greenpeace:

It hasn’t been much of a secret that Opel is working on a small car, called the Junior, to take on BMW’s Mini, or Fiat’s 500. As a matter of fact, Opel had been working on the Junior since 1982. Way back when, the interior of the Junior had been designed by a new arrival in Rüsselsheim, a freshly graduated Chris Bangle. People who expected to see a Junior in Geneva were disappointed. Instead,”General Motors will launch its new small car, the Junior, at the Paris show next autumn,” just-auto was told in Geneva.

The bigger news: The Junior “will be strictly for Europe and unable to challenge the global success of the Mini, or take on the Fiat 500 in America, engineering head Rita Forst admitted” to just-auto.

The interesting part is the alleged why.

Global sales of Daimler’s Mercedes-Benz car brand rose a whopping 20.3 percent in February compared to February 2011, Reuters says. A lot of this growth comes from a country already pronounced a basket case by some: China.

It looks like the German new car market decided: “Last year was nice. Let’s do it again.” For a few months, the German market had retraced the prior year. In February, the prior year number has been hit with 0.0 percent precision.

The European malaise seems to have selective impact on European automakers. Audi announced record results today. Audi reported an operating profit of €5.35 billion ($7.16 billion) in 2011, and wants to have even better results this year.

Germany’s Hannoversche Allgemeine, usually well-informed in Volkswagen matters, got its hands on hot data: Volkswagen’s 2011 balance sheet , which will be presented to the Supervisory Board on Monday. According to the paper, Volkswagen more than doubled its annual profit to €16 billion ($21.4 billion.)

Volkswagen’s Lamborghini division, along with Bentley, could be following Porsche and bring out a pricey SUV. At the 2012 Beijing Auto Show in April, Lamborghini should show an SUV study to Chinese customers, Bloomberg writes. A production version is expected by 2016.

Opel Chief Karl-Friedrich Stracke told reporters that an agreement with unions about a fix of money-losing Opel is a while away. “I expect this not to happen in a month or so, rather than in a couple of months, that’s at least how I see the timetable,” Stracke told Reuters.

Analysts think that Stracke is an optimist, and that restructuring Opel won’t come cheap. The guesstimate is more than $1 billion, and the payback will take a while.

Growth at the world’s second largest automaker, the Volkswagen Group, took a breather in January. As indicated by its passenger vehicle division a few days ago, growth at the Volkswagen Group turned to a 1.3 percent trickle globally. This was caused by a calendar-induced decrease in China, combined with a soft European market.

So they will build the Porsche SUVlet after all. After years of on-again, off-again, Porsche confirmed that the Cajun will be built. Except that it won’t be a Cajun. It will be a Macan.

A Macan? Says Porsche in an email:

When GM will announce 4th quarter and year-end earnings tomorrow, a lot of fingers will be pointed at Opel, and on GM CEO Dan Akerson who decided to keep the hemorrhaging unit instead of selling it off to Magna and the Russians. Bloomberg expects that tomorrow’s quarterly profit will be “GM’s lowest since it emerged from bankruptcy in 2009,” despite record sales in the U.S. and China. According to Bloomberg,

Volkswagen’s double digit growth rates came to a grinding halt in January with the Volkswagen Passenger Cars brand reporting what Volkswagen euphemistically calls “robust delivery figures:” Worldwide, Volkswagen handed over a mere 600 cars more in January 2012 than the 418,600 units it had sold in January 2011, for a teensy rise of 0.1 percent. Basically, Volkswagen is treading water. Why? China.

Even at Germany’s IG Metall metal workers union the daily BILD Zeitung was put aside today to make room for the fancy Wall Street Journal. The paper claims to have talked to “a GM official,” who thinks that all hell is about to break loose at Opel in Germany.

Sassenbach, BMW’s agency for Mini, had a killer idea: “Adopt a storm! When it hits, it will be all over the news! Free advertising! It costs only €299! How can you lose?” This (or words to that effect) is what the agency told the client.” Then, more than 100 people froze to death.

The line at Volkswagen’s Chattanooga plant will run a little faster. It will produce 35 cars instead of 31 per hour. That also produces new jobs. In an emailed statement, VWoA announced today that 200 new permanent jobs will be created at its Tennessee plant.

To celebrate the arrival of the, well, in a way, new Type 991 911, the Porsche Museum Stuttgart launches a great 911 retro- and introspective. On display from today until 20 May will be an overdose of 911.

Suddenly, everybody is in a big hurry: On February 14, the Supervisory Board Volkswagen’s supervisory board will convene to hear plans to acquire the remaining stake of Porsche’s sports car business, Der Spiegel [sub] reports. The deal is supposed to happen in a tax-efficient manner. It also drives plaintiffs mad.

You think success in India hinges on cheap little cars? Audi thinks overpriced big cars can be good business also. If IBN’s sources are correctly informed, and if the Crores Rupees converter I found on the net is correctly programmed, Audio wants to sell 1 million dollar A8s to the Indians.

The stuff those crafty engineers in Stuttgart come up with to keep our eyes off the road.

And just in case you are stuck in traffic in [geolocate your position] …