GM first made Saturn’s “strategic review” official in the bailout-begging, condition-floating context, although Lutz swears Ol’ Man Wagoner was on it months ago. Anyway, now that the industry has processed the news, there’s a rash of post-Saturn plans flying around. Our man in China seems fairly convinced that Chinese firm SAIC could make a bid for Saturn and its conveniently independent dealer net of over 400 stores. Another possibility that might be more palatable for GM comes from Automotive News‘ [sub] Richard Truett, who reckons the General could kill two birds with one stone, by “handing the keys to the Saturn brand to GM’s German affiliate, Opel.”

It’s should be fairly obvious by now that Saturn is a dead brand walking. Little remains of Roger Smith’s import-fighting concept anyway, as the “different kind of car company” now consists solely of rebadged and Americanized Opels, fine young CUV-annibals, and the Sky. None of which sell very well. So, dead by Thursday, and that’s all she wrote? Not according to those crazy, mixed-up kids at Automotive News [AN, sub]. “Saturn has a product program, both current and future, that is currently in our plans,” GM Marketing Honcho Mark LaNeve tells AN. “But a lot of what is in our plans is in a state of flux right now given the state of the economy and everything.” Understatement of the week day hour? GM hopes to conceive a new business model to make the brand profitable, according to LaNeve, because a sale won’t happen. Hello, China? Then again…

Detroit’s slow-mo meltdown has been rife with tipping points for years now. As bad decisions piled upon bad luck, we’ve seen the signs become increasingly ominous. The light at the end of the tunnel has become so faint now that each new misstep comes hard on the heels of the previous one, each taking on ever more existential significance. Perhaps though, we have reached a new low in the news coming out of GM today, as Automotive News [sub] reports that GM will delay incentive payments of $302.4m to its dealers for two weeks. If this decision was made based on GM’s liquidity crisis, it means that GM can’t come up with $300m until December 11: A stuffed stocking of not good. On the other hand, if it’s another twisted ploy to generate political support for a bailout, it’s some inspired stuff. Based on the letter (after the jump) sent by GM VP of Marketing Mark LaNeve, it’s looking like a little of both. After all, blackmail has always been a crime of desperation.

Red – or make that white alert! Volkswagen is planning another attack on the profitability of its dealers. They need to build yet another round of brand new showrooms. In 1995, VeeDub introduced the new architecture for their worldwide dealer network. First, a prototype was built on the grounds of the Volkswagen plant in Wolfsburg. (Embarrassingly, without some necessary permits, an oversight that was quickly fixed.) Then, “one of the largest construction projects in Volkswagen’s history was started” (says so in a book that documented that gigantic project). More than 10k VeeDub dealerships worldwide had to follow the architectural edict from Wolfsburg: “build or die.” Many dealers did both; they couldn’t stomach the high costs associated with the glass and marble palaces, and vanished. Not to be outdone, Audi started their own, totally different concept, throwing dealers further in the poorhouse, and delighting the construction trade worldwide. Now, after more than 10 years of hard work, threats and scores of dealers who made the ultimate sacrifice by bleeding to death on the altar of Corporate Identity, most VeeDub dealers, from Wolfsburg to Winnipeg, from Bratislava to Boise, Idaho, look alike. All, except one…

Co-dependent relationships are never pretty, and they usually end only when one half ends up in prison, the poorhouse or the morgue. With GM seemingly headed towards all three at once, its once-captive credit arm, GMAC, swears it will no longer play Tina to the General’s Ike. Automotive News [sub] quotes GMAC CFO Robert Hull as saying his firm plans to “shift GMAC from its captive roots to an independent deposit-funded lender and servicer.” As we reported earlier, changing GMAC’s status to a “Bank holding corporation” will give it access to the $700b TARP fund, but it also means that GM will have to exit the building. As in sell off its remaining 49 percent so that GMAC can rejoin society as a full-service bank, complete with FDIC insurance, credit cards, and a little dish of Werthers Originals by each teller. So GMAC will get taxpayer-funded security, and GM might even get a little cash out of the deal… but who loses? Why, the dealers, of course!

Here’s a press release which assumes, I suppose, that I have at least one wife who qualifies as a minority. Actually, Sam’s an African American, originating as she does from the RSA. Anyway, AutoBrag.com‘s playing the “HERE’S A STARTLING SURVEY, BUT DON’T WORRY ABOUT OUR METHODOLOGY” PR game, and playing it well. And here’s how they did it! “We sent out 87 pairs of observations [sic] to compare how the best price difference between the White Males, verse [sic] White Females, Minority Males and Minority Females to 35 Southern California new car dealerships to keep track of how each pair with different race and gender only would be treated by the salesperson. The results are astonished. [sic] The race, gender, and car make affect the price American consumers pay for their new car significantly. And, again, the differences of the best price between different race and gender are even greater if one considers the long-term financing and opportunity costs throughout the lifetime of the new car purchase.” How’s that for statistical control? Does that fact they were all “college kids” influence your opinion? Those of you who wish to get a closer look at the race card in Autobraggadoccio Danny Chan’s hand can make the jump for the results.