By on October 12, 2011

Ever since Mercedes lured its competitors into the “four door coupe” segment created by its 2004 CLS, we’ve been waiting for the next fad segment to mangle the definition of the word “coupe” beyond recognition. And here it is: a forthcoming “five-door coupe” that is essentially a wagon version of the CLS. This near-production mule looks remarkably like the concept version, in other words, fantastic. On the other hand, the idea of buying a more-practical version of a less-practical version of an E-Class still doesn’t compute… but then you can’t underestimate the power of fads in the luxury car game. Stand by for competing models from Audi and BMW, not to mention the inevitable six, seven, and eight-door coupes. [via AM unds S]

 

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51 Comments on “What’s Wrong With This Picture: Five Door Coupe Edition...”


  • avatar
    Mullholland

    Fantastic? Are you using irony or being facetious or it there something in the water in Michigan that causes temporary blindness? I think the thing looks hideous.

    • 0 avatar
      Dynasty

      No joke… And I thought Hyundais were ugly. This Benz looks like it fell out of the Ugly Hyundai tree and hit every ugly Hyundai branch before finally crashing to the ground atop a Hyundai.

      Just took a second look, uglier than my initial reaction.

    • 0 avatar
      Russycle

      Thank you. thought maybe I was looking at the wrong pic, I sure couldn’t find any fantastic.

  • avatar
    Conslaw

    Quick, somebody call Robert Farago. This car needs an appropriate description.

  • avatar
    Educator(of teachers)Dan

    The Mercedes Magnum. It will likely have about the same resale value as a Daimler/Chrysler era vehicle too. Although now that I think about it Dodge Magnums have kept their value well now that they’re not being built any more.

  • avatar
    threeer

    Another submission to the “just because you can build it doesn’t mean you should” file…

  • avatar
    Conslaw

    I think the “Family Truckster” was better looking.

  • avatar
    mjz

    What a hideous lumpen mess. Mercedes new design lauguage is so overwrought, and BMW is not far behind. Makes the new Audi A7 look like rolling sculpture in comparison.

  • avatar
    cRacK hEaD aLLeY

    MB Zäpfchen

  • avatar
    Dynasty

    Sad thing is I can see urban soccer mom’s driving it. Scratch that, sad thing is I can see anyone driving that and thinking it’s cool.

    My god, what an ugly car.

  • avatar
    Conslaw

    Forget numbers, this car needs a proper name: der erdferkel

    • 0 avatar
      Matzel

      Very nice nickname indeed for the car. Just a small correction:

      *Das* Erdferkel – as the noun ‘Ferkel’ is feminine

      ;o)

      For the record, I love the Dodge Magnum, especially with the Chrysler 300 front end, as it is sold in Europe.

      http://www.weblogsinc.com/common/images/7324311442242855.JPG?0.8347742850075486

  • avatar
    rentonben

    Where did this thing come from? Did East Germany take over or something?

  • avatar

    DAMN!

    What about the E 63 estate wagon?

    BMW does this a lot better.

    • 0 avatar
      CJinSD

      BMW built the X6, which exposes this as a half-bassed effort. It a 5 door coupe is dumb and ugly, it is a weak sauce next to a CUV coupe. I figure it will take Porsche to give us the minivan coupe. Maybe by then people will have an even stupider idea than cars with two sets of side doors and no rear row headroom. It will be time to make front seat passengers duck to show that they’re committed to buying German cars however ridiculous they become!

      • 0 avatar
        BMWnut

        Renault already gave the world a minivan coupé in the shape of the Avantime. It was a brave effort but a huge flop and only lasted from 2001 to 2003. Maybe they were just ahead of their time.

  • avatar
    campocaceres

    Not digging it. It looks like it got the worst parts between a coupe and a shooting brake, to me. It’s missing the elegant lines from either car.

    With that said, I’d much rather be surrounded by these on the road than SUVs and “crossovers”.

  • avatar
    N8iveVA

    While i’m not a fan of the front end of the new CLS, i absolutely LOVE the rest of this shooting brake

  • avatar
    Nostrathomas

    Ok, seriously this trend of minimizing window space really needs to stop. There is absolutely no reason why that back window line needs to droop down away from the roof. Did they not follow the roofline just so they would have an excuse not to call it a wagon? Sure it references the original CLS, but that’s just plain awkward.

  • avatar
    ARacer

    This is just an intermediate step in the plan to re-program the sheeple. They were programmed to buy SUVs when they really needed station wagons. Now they are being re-programmed to buy the wagons (estates) that they should have been buying all along.

  • avatar
    Bancho

    It looks to me like someone at Mercedes was a huge fan of the Magnum (it seems to have the proportions). Chrysler should be flattered.

  • avatar
    rpol35

    Looks like it took a trip through the Russian Zil styling studio!

  • avatar
    Almost Jake

    Wow, what a disproportionate eyesore. And yet, people with more money than sense will buy it.

  • avatar
    Bryce

    It crimminally ugly and only a station wagen 5 door coupe oh please.

  • avatar
    Sinistermisterman

    Hows about the Benz boys stop churning out hundreds of new and different combinations of floorpan, roofline, doors and styling to suit every deep/daft pocket out there and actually work on something that modern Mercedes need: Better reliability.

  • avatar
    tallnikita

    whoever calls this thing a coupe should be punched in the teeth. every single time.

  • avatar
    Marko

    I like most of it except for the droopy rear end.

  • avatar
    mjz

    Shooting Brake? Yes, please! Someone should SHOOT this immediately as it comes to rest anywhere to a stop (just to be P.C., I don’t mean the driver, just this horiffic piece of automotive turdism). Hilarious that they taped over the M-B badge on the grille, like no one could identify the hideous ancestry of this abomination. Is this what Dr. Z did with all the Chrysler $$$’s?. Shame on him (and Bob Eaton too, now sunning his fat a$$ in Florida) and anyone who ponies up big bucks for this excrement on wheels.

    • 0 avatar
      BMWnut

      I’ve often wondered about those taped over badges and other weird decorations – such as the bits on the D-pillar in this case. It’s like they are just advertising the fact that the car is supposed to be a secret.

      “Look at this thing, it’s a top secret prototype. Quick, take a picture of it and post it on the web!”

  • avatar
    garythompson

    Ooooh, just what I was looking for, a fat droopy station wagon without any practicality, headroom or outward visibility. Oh, and please make it very expensive, so that everyone will know what great taste I have.

  • avatar
    Dekinorman

    Well, I for one think that it looks fantastic. As usual, my tastes are far from mainstream; although I cannot really see why there is so much objection to the design. The biggest problem that I see with this car is that it will be too expensive (at least when new) to make full use of the cargo area-hauling tools, building materials and engine blocks.

  • avatar
    raincoconuts

    ugly,ugly Benz-lowered R class perhaps?
    they did have a nice looking Dodge Magnum one time…

  • avatar
    philadlj

    Coupe is not as clear-cut a term as people would like to believe, and considering the automobile has not been around very long in the grand scheme of things, it makes sense that the term is still nebulous and contentious.

    True enough, most Americans believe a coupe to be two-doors only, but that’s actually incorrect. A coupe can have as many doors as you like; it’s the roofline that makes it a coupe, in particular the roofline compared to the sedan version, if any.

    Couper is French for “to cut”, and When looking at an E-Class and a CLS side-by-side, you can’t help but notice the roofline is indeed cut down, ergo it is a coupe. Ditto an A6 and A7. The sedans have higher, upright roofs, the coupes, low and sleek.

    Put this 5-door CLS next to an E-Class wagon, and you come to the same conclusion. Cut roof = Coupe.

    It ain’t an exact science, but when has language ever been that?

  • avatar
    paul_y

    THE HORROR.

    Seriously, the CLS is hideous; making it into a wagon is just a huge failure.

  • avatar
    stuki

    I guess it’s cheap to do 5 door version of already existing 4 doors. Personally, I’d rather have an equally specced E wagon, but I’d take this one over the CTS if it drives like the latest E.

    Anyway, MB needs to build a wagon on the S. Now, that would really render luxsuvs superflous for most people. Then do a shooting brake on the CL. And a ‘vert. That will show the proles that money really can buy happiness. Or at least meaningfully nicer cars.

  • avatar
    Zykotec

    The worst part of this 5-door coupe thing, is that European 5 door cars from the early 80′s were really good. The VW Passats and Ford Scorpios were both practical, spacely, had rear seta legroom and headroom, and had very good visibility in all directions, and with foldable rear seats they should have made wagons obsolete. Not to mention back then cars were simple and uncomplicated and lightweight….


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