By on November 10, 2009

Swag!

While reading through some of our analysis of Chrysler’s five-year plan, you may have found yourself wondering “what did the Pentastar boyz do to convince you of their company’s viability plan besides flash PowerPoint slides at you for seven hours?” To fully comply with TTAC’s stringent disclosure standards, we present Chrysler’s material compensation for the seven hours that auto journalists most wish they had back.

The only two items of real value are a wireless mouse in the shape of a Fiat 500 and a Chrysler-branded USB storage drive. The USB drive uses real aluminum, giving it a heft that is clearly intended to signify the Chrysler brand’s new, up-market positioning. But when was the last time you saw real aluminum trim inside a Chrysler? Continuing the push to portray Chrysler as a luxury brand are the new Chrysler 300 and Town and Country brochures, which are printed on a heavy stock and covered in a faux-leather paper product. Again, why not just spend this money on the cars themselves? Though it’s difficult to tell from the picture, the blue-covered documents are a three-inch-high stack of presentation slides, a handy reminder of my seven hours in PowerPoint Hell. Oh yes, and the New New Chrysler had one more journo-softening outlay, courtesy of the Fiat caterers: a delicious Northern Italian luncheon that one veteran described as “the best junket lunch ever.” Orzo, cannelloni alla funghi, imported salamis, Piedmont-style asparagus and more. Did these perks and treats affect our coverage? Decide for yourself:

Chrysler Financial Plans: Leveraged Assumptions

Chrysler Ups Ad Spend

Chrysler Brand: Refresh and Market Like Hell

Dodge Brand: Refresh and Market Like Hell

Hi, My Name Is: Ram

Dodge Marketing Explained: Sort Of

Dodge Versus Ram Case Study: Nitro

Chrysler: The Powertrain Plans

Fiat 500: The Littlest Bailout Baby

What’s Wrong With This Picture: Planning Sales Edition

Sergio’s Plea for Optimism

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12 Comments on “What’s Wrong With This Picture: The Price of Optimism Edition...”


  • avatar
    MBella

    You should give it away in some sort of contest.

  • avatar
    Boff

    Dibs on the Cinquecento mouse.

  • avatar
    lahru

    C’mon, what did you expect? They’ve been destroyed by the two previous owners and now the shotgun wedding to Fiat occured with no dowery. All of the previous abuse will manifest itself over the next year or so and Fiat will pay for a very nice funeral, bury the body and inherit the real estate on the auto mile in numerous cities around America.

  • avatar
    ClutchCarGo

    I would be very careful what I put on a Chrysler branded flash drive.

  • avatar
    RetardedSparks

    Does the flash drive make that trademark Chrylser starter noise when you plug it in?

  • avatar
    Buddha Belly

    Come’on…You would have ripped on them no matter what they presented.  Perhaps you would have preferred coloring books and $5.00 PizzaPizza?

    • 0 avatar
      superbadd75

      I think everybody would have preferred them tell the truth, rather than waste everyone’s time to tell lies about their dead brands. A nice “Ladies and gentlemen; Dodge is dead.” would have been sufficient.

  • avatar
    TomH

    Beyond the tsotchkes and the cannelloni alla funghi, the real sad part was Michael Manley  (a Brit) explaining to the US media what a Jeep meant.  Imagine an American in Maranello explaining to the Italian media what Ferrari was all about and you’ll get the cognitive dissonance part.  Bizarre.

    • 0 avatar
      rpiotr01

      I hear what you’re saying, but I think Jeep needed by far the least explanation out of the three brands, so the messenger didn’t bother me.
      What bothered me was focusing on a brand image that, to me, already spoke for itself. No one needed anyone to say what a real Jeep is. We needed to hear him say that leaky tops are no longer acceptable, plastic edges so sharp they can cut will no longer be a hallmark of the Jeep interior and a gutsy brand should not be associated with gutless engines.

    • 0 avatar

      I agree, same as what Taco Bell tried in Mexico… and failed, twice.
      On the USB drive, let me guess, it will need a full powered USB port, doesn´t it?
      And for the 500 mouse… I’m in if Mr Niedermayer makes a contest!
      How about a name change for the Town and Country…
      “La MammaMobile” (even a commercial could be made with the music of La Donna é mobile…) Geez!

      Best regards.

  • avatar
    Accords

    I could use the keydrive.. over 8g please.
    At least it would outlast a Chrysler vehicle…

  • avatar
    Stingray

    Since at this time the 500 mouse has already been requested (and having not updated since 7:30 local time)
    Dibs on the flash drive.


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