Sorry Viper Fans, No Ferrari-Crossbreeding For Thanksgiving

Thank goodness for Autoweek. Someone has to ask the goofy questions that turn internet forums into raging wildfires of obtuse wishful thinking, and A-Dub is there to lay it all on the line. The latest episode centers around a line from Ralph Gilles’ press release on the new Viper ACR:

When we have partners across the ocean who are known as the best sports-car makers in the world, the future opportunities are huge

Which is like giving a two-thirds of a through-the-clothes handjob: just plain mean. If disappointment undimmed by crushing obviousness isn’t your thing, skip the next bit.

The wave of AW’s enthusiasm crashes upon the rock of Gilles’ indifference:

The future opportunities for what–a Ferrari V12 in a Viper body? A Viper V10 in a Frankensteined 612? What? You could go insane imagining the possibilities. So we spoke to Gilles directly and asked whether there would be any cross-engineering or parts-sharing to the extent our overactive imagination imagined there might be. We asked about a Ferrari Dodge Viper.

“No,” he said in about as definitive a tone as car execs ever get.

Then what did he mean by the “opportunities are huge?”

“They really know sports cars. We just want some advice,” Gilles said.

But wouldn’t a Ferrari Viper be cool, regardless?

“Ferrari is Ferrari, Viper is Viper,” he said. “Please don’t go there.”

OK.

Sigh. Those regrets must keep Gilles up at night. But all is not lost:

We did get these exciting tidbits about the Dodge Viper: there will be a new graphics package! New stripes! And a new color–Anaconda Green! Also, a new interior for the 2010 Viper will be launched at the Los Angeles auto show.

Also, the Viper can now hit 184, but a new Nürburgring record “isn’t a priority.”

The Viper ACR did solidly spank its alleged cottage cousin, the Devon GTX, around Laguna Seca with an unofficial time of 1:33.944.But it wasn’t just about showing up Devon’s 1:35.075 time, Dodge was out to humiliate the upstart firm that offered Chrysler a cringe-worthy $5.5m for its Viper brand in the (even relatively) bad old days before bankruptcy. Revenge tastes sweet, but unofficial lap times at Laguna Seca will not turn Mr Gilles’ brand around. Unless the plan is to replace the Ram logos on Dodges with a million Vipers. Make Dodge the Viper brand. But now I’m treading into AW’s territory. And really, it’s almost not their fault. Look at Gilles’ entire Dodge brand presentation [ PDF] for yourself and see if you can figure out what the hell is going on there.