This spot (which cribs the Allman Brothers tune that gearheads will recognize as the Top Gear theme) is part of what AdAge describes as the repair chain’s effort to attract customers from closing dealerships. After all, the service department is often where the real money is made at dealerships, and the race to snag shuttered dealerships’ business is on. Automotive News [sub] reports that CarsDirect is even offering free 60-day online listings for any dealership that is going out of business. “We hope this offer helps dealers sell more cars as they work to stay in business and remain fixtures in their communities during the transition,” says CarsDirect VP Ken Potter. Not to mention a little free publicity that comes with the charitable territory. Meanwhile, how are GM and Chrysler shoring up their PR after the nasty dealer shutdown debacle? According to a WaPo analysis, Chrysler is emphasizing product competitivity (huh?) and GM is emphasizing restructuring (why?). So much for putting the best foot forward.

GM’s Fritz Henderson is trying on a paler shade of transparency over at ye olde Fastlane blog. With results that defy this blogger’s adjective collection. When asked whether the “new GM” should continue to employ the thousand authors of GM’s failure, Henderson replied with self-serving equivocation. “If I was starting a new company, which we are in fact, I would start with a blend of people that have been involved in winning businesses and outstanding people that learn from their failures. At least for me personally, I have been involved in both.” Well, isn’t that convenient? OK, Henderson, “what do you think is the most important change that needs to be made in GM’s corporate culture?” Modesty prevents even us from posting Henderson’s reply before the jump.

Well, that’s how the Freep puts it. So will GM be leaving the toilet seat down? Will it apply for a separate credit card to pay for its extramarital liaisons? Will it be hiding its Playboy inside the latest Economist? Want to clear this up for us, CFO Ray Young? “As a privately held company, it’s likely we’re not going to disclose information except to the shareholders,” says Young. “We do not have to file all of the same documents that we do when we are a public company,” clarifies Chairman Kent Kresa. All of which creates more mind-benders than Will Shortz on a weeklong acid bender.

Chalk up another reason why Chrysler should have been allowed to fail. The New York Times reports that if Chrysler’s restructuring is approved it would allow the automaker to evade liability for injury-causing defects on its vehicles. An Automotive News [sub] write-up of Chrysler’s creditors reveals that the Ad Hoc Committee of Consumer-Victims of Chrysler LLC consists of 150 members seeking an estimated $650 million in damages allegedly caused by Chrysler vehicle defects. Under current reorganization plans, those creditors would be left with no recourse after Fiat assumes “good Chrysler’s” assets.

Toyota’s third-generation Prius hybrid launches in Japan on Monday, with a European rollout scheduled for July, and already they firm has amassed 75k pre-orders worldwide. Of course, Toyota won’t confirm the number, which originated in a Nikkei report printed in Automotive News [sub]. Honda’s Insight has already become Japan’s top-selling car, the first hybrid to hold such a title. And all this despite oil and gas prices that are significantly weaker than a year ago. But, as GM is currently proving, pre-orders can sometimes be more trouble than they’re worth.

GM recently settled an SEC investigation into its accounting practices. The automaker didn’t admit guilt or pay a fine, but it was confirmation– if confirmation was needed– that GM under Rick Wagoner has played fast and loose with the numbers. And when you’re as big as GM, little “tweaks” here and there can have a significant effect on the bottom line. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that history will eventually regard Wagoner as an accountant gone wrong: a GM lifer whose only genius lay in his ability to make numbers his bitch. Until he couldn’t. As part of that legacy, this [press release after the jump]. I’m no lawyer, but it appears that GM violated rules regarding mark-ups to dealers and, thus, customers. And once again, the “winners” of a legal action against an automaker get discounts on the offending company’s products, while the lawyers get millions of dollars. Not to coin a phrase, but how great is that?

Automotive News [sub] reports that J.D. Power is introducing a Vehicle Launch Index, aimed at providing OEMs with data and feedback on product launches. For a nominal (sliding scale) fee, JDP will follow launches for the first 12 months of a model’s life, measuring ad effectiveness, consumer response, dealer gross profits and incentive spending. “There will be 88 new and restyled model launches in 2009,” JDP VP for research Dave Sargent tells AN. “Some of them will succeed. Others won’t, and frankly should never have gotten approval to see the light of day.” And JDP’s role will be to boldly proclaim vehicle program flaws during and after launches, because “it’s hard for people inside the company, especially if they want to get ahead in their career, to derail a project by saying, ‘This plan is flawed.'” Because what fixes dysfunctional product development like a highly paid consultant offering post-mortem bon mots?

Poor Mark LaNeve. It’s bad enough that he’s gonna be fired soon for having overseen some of the worst sales declines in GM history, including a 45 percent plummet last month. Now, those twisted bastards over at Toyota won’t even let him enjoy a freaking football game without publicly humiliating and annoying him with those damned “saved by zero” ads. Luckily, LaNeve always has a sympathetic ear over at the Detroit News. Or six. No fewer than three scribes get credit for giving voice to LaNeve’s tortured soul in a terse paragraph that tugs at the funnybone heartstrings. “I’m a football fan,” LaNeve told DetN during the weekly GM sales call. “I saw (“saved by zero” ads) 52,000 times,” he reportedly “moaned” of his Sunday otherwise well spent. Well, I guess you gotta say something during those sales calls. Y’know, once you get past the “we’re down 45 percent” bit. (Warning, Video NSFS (Not Safe For Sanity))

First we had Forbes’ columnist Jerry Flint bellowing (meekly) “Remember the Maine!” Now we’ve got Automotive News‘ [AN, sub] engineering beat reporter Richard Truett defending Detroit in that scary ass demented stalker fan club president sort of way. “Here’s what I find especially disturbing: Whenever there’s a story about one of the Detroit automakers on a Web site that allows readers to comment at the end of the article, you can count on loads of vile bile from respondents who can’t wait for GM, Ford and Chrysler to go out of business. For the most part, these are angry people. But… I wonder: How long does GM have to be punished for making Chevrolet Vegas and Oldsmobile diesels or relying too long on the fat profits of trucks and SUVs? When does Ford get forgiven for the Pinto and other crimes against auto mobility? When will Chrysler be let off the hook for making everything out of the K car and for the rotten minivan transmissions in the early 1990s. When will people — environmentalists, especially — chastise Toyota for making its share of gas-guzzling behemoths? WHY CAN’T YOU JUST LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE?” I added that last bit, obviously. Anyway, there’s more after you click on that “more” button below