Geneva 2012: Range Rover Evoque Convertible Is Vulgarity In Tangible Form

Derek Kreindler
by Derek Kreindler
geneva 2012 range rover evoque convertible is vulgarity in tangible form

In 1998, Britney Spears launched a thousand ephebophilc ships with her seminal work – the music video for “ Hit Me Baby One More Time“. Featured in the video was a Land Rover Defender – the only reason I know this is because I wasn’t interested in girls when the song came out. Now that I’m much older, I can understand the hidden subtext; Land Rover needs another ragtop SUV!

Although officially termed a “design study”, the Evoque looks production ready, and by that we mean “ready to show up in the driveways of female hedge fund scions celebrating their 16th birthdays”. The red interior is particularly vulgar, which is fitting – the Evoque shares common ancestry with the Ford Mondeo, and this car’s target customer is also newly adorned in luxury trimmings despite their provincial roots. A match made in heaven, if you ask me.

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  • Slab Slab on Mar 06, 2012

    Note to automotive designers: vehicles with high belt lines do NOT make good convertibles. To be fair, this has the stink of the marketing department all over it.

  • Type57SC Type57SC on Mar 07, 2012

    Had to google 'ephebophilc'. now hoping I don't get called into the bosses office to meet IT security.

  • Bkojote I think it's a home run that VW is bound to bungle.For the anti-CUV crowd there's a cool factor here as pickup trucks have become so cartoonish. This will absolutely embarrass the neighbor with a GMC pavement princess pile in the driveway. Even better, the VW van fandom hasn't ruined these the same way it has the Sprinter, and honestly the design looks tight. And believe it or not there's huge demands for minivans- look no further than the unobtanium that is the Toyota Sienna.So here's what's going to go wrong-These are going to be priced on the premium end and they'll be hype for the first 3 years. The owners (whom The MKIV coil packs and dieselgate disasters a distant memory) trading in their post-college Rav4's and CR-V's are going to quickly discover the whole host of Volkswagen failures- bad sensors, glitchy software, leaking roofs, and hell it'll probably have an emissions scandal of its own somehow. This on top of the already terrible haptic controls VW has, the unreliable charging network, and terrible range. And they'll have the privilege of endlessly fighting with Sleazy Sam's VW dealership after the 4th flat bed tow.They're gonna make the same mistake the kids did in the 80's with the rabbit, the 90's with the Passat and Jetta, and the 00-10's with the TDI's- think VW finally turned the corner and stopped making garbage before doing the trade of shame back to Toyota and Honda.
  • Buickman the only fire should be in the board room.they just hired an executive from Whirlpool.that should help them go do the drain.
  • Mike Beranek I don't care about the vehicles. But I'd be on board for inspecting the drivers.
  • Art Vandelay Coming to a rental lot near you. And when it does know there is a good chance EBFlex and Tassos have puffed each other's peters in it!
  • Art Vandelay I doubt there is even room for EBFlex and Tassos to puff each other's peters in that POS