By on February 7, 2012

The Volkswagen Phaeton is supposed to be the definition of understated refinement, a Patek Calatrava in a world gone mad for Hublot Big Bangs. Someone in Toronto, Canada didn’t get the memo.

Sporting some truly awful accouterments, like a black-accented hood, Canadian Tire-spec 20″ alloys and a home-brew red brake caliper paintjob, the Phaeton would be nothing more than a tacky oddity if it weren’t for the fact that it’s, well…a Phaeton. Poorly modified luxury cars are nothing new, but a Phaeton is absolutely bizarre given its discretion and bloated-Passat looks. In a world all about image, this would be the last choice for the kind of underclass yob that modifies 4-door sedans in this style.

What possesses someone to buy a Phaeton with the intention of making it look like a Yardie drug dealer’s 1994 Acura Vigor? With 77,000 miles and an asking price of $19,000, this Phaeton would be a good deal if it were a clean, one-owner car not being sold at a sketchy “Buy Here, Pay Here” lot in one of Toronto’s crappier neighborhoods.

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34 Comments on “World’s Most Grotesque Volkswagen Phaeton For Sale...”


  • avatar
    Hildy Johnson

    “What possesses someone to buy a Phaeton with the intention of making it look like a Yardie drug dealer’s 1994 Acura Vigor?”

    I’m sure Jack Baruth will be able to answer this.

  • avatar
    threeer

    Hildy beat me to it! What say you, Sir Jack?

    • 0 avatar
      Jack Baruth

      Couldn’t tell you… my ’05 and ’06 V8s stayed almost 100% stock. Lidatek laser jammer, Euro LED tails, EBC Yellowstuff brakes, Euro keyless start, Bentley wood wheel and shifter paddles. I never really fussed with them.

  • avatar
    Davekaybsc

    I can think of an even worse offense, the people that slap “exotic wood dash” kits on top of cars that come with actual timber in them, like Mercedes or Lexus. You just want to punch those people in the face.

  • avatar
    Educator(of teachers)Dan

    What a ridiculous asking price. I’ve seen a few original owner unmolested versions listed at several grand less than that one. Hope Lang will tell us how much the guy is likely making on someone stupid enough to bite at that price.

    • 0 avatar

      Canadian prices are generally quite a bit higher than US ones normally.

    • 0 avatar
      vww12

      Mind you, this is a lower-end bare-bones Phaeton… No extended wood package, no rear seat climate controls, no massaged rear-seats, no Campagnolo-made trunk hinges, no Poltrona Frau leather. The radio is probably the lowly 8-channel, 10-speaker version.

      The good news is that almost all other features were standard. The vavona wood looks particularly nice.

  • avatar
    WaftableTorque

    I’ve seen this car on sale for almost 2 years on Autotrader.ca. At least the seller’s dropped the price by $10k. He should be able to find a buyer if he drops it down to $12k.

    Let that be a lesson for anyone who modifies a car and wonders why they can’t get the same trade-in price as a stock vehicle.

    • 0 avatar

      I’ll buy it for 6k with a new air suspension already installed and then host a TTAC readers charity bonfire, a “pay what you can” event to help restore the car to stock. Any individual who contributes over $5 gets my cell phone number so they can personally berate me when my writing offends with brand biases or acutely honed spelling/grammar filters.

  • avatar
    krhodes1

    Not as much as some lucky mechanic is going to make on it. I shudder to think if the idiot who did the outside has done anything under the hood!

    And this from someone who genereally does NOT buy into the VWsGerman cars are ruinouosly expensive to run meme.

    If I had any use at all for a wafty luxobarge, the Phaeton would be on my short list. But certainly not THIS one!

  • avatar
    Roberto Esponja

    Looks like a big, crouching skunk.

  • avatar
    redliner

    I must say that I kind of like the two town color, but red brake calipers? Really? and those wheels are just tacky and bling-y beyond belief. Not classy at all.

  • avatar
    Pch101

    “With 77,000 miles and an asking price of $19,000″

    That does seem like a lot of money for a used Passat…

  • avatar
    cfclark

    I think I’ve seen a Veyron paint scheme like this–maybe that was the, er, inspiration?

  • avatar
    racer-esq.

    “World’s Most Grotesque Volkswagen Phaeton For Sale”

    I’ve seen worse. Someone out there is making a kit to make these look like melted Bentleys.

  • avatar
    levi

    “What possesses someone to buy a Phaeton with the intention of making it look like a Yardie drug dealer’s 1994 Acura Vigor?”

    This is the seamy underbelly of retired rice drifters the cameras never show…

  • avatar
    Ryoku75

    I dunno what it is with kids and their black paint, if its not very tacky two-tones its a Lancer X “mustache”.

    Its as if someone popped in a video game, made a 10 second custom pain job, and said “Duh I know! I’ll make my car look like dat!”.

  • avatar

    This Phaeton is perfect for the discerning crack dealer looking to move up from a Sunfire.

  • avatar
    Darkhorse

    Worst mistake I ever made was getting one of these POSs. It spent more time on a flat bed than on the pavement. Two transmissions in two years etc. Thank God it was leased so I could dump it in three years. I will say when it was running it was great driver.

  • avatar
    Zykotec

    I know someone who owns one of these. And it is supposedly as silent doing 250 km/h on the autobahn as it is doing 100 km/h , which is still more quiet than any car I’ve owned. It still looks like a large Passat though :P
    ‘Phaeton’ in Norwegian is pronounced more or less like ‘Fat-one’ . Giving it a nickname was just too easy :P

  • avatar

    And that, good sirs, is what happens to luxury cars when they hit the bottom of their depreciation curve.

    I see plenty of these types of hack jobs around Montreal. There is one right down the street from me, a circa 2002 MB S430 with mismatched chrome alloys (in a tastful spikey design along the lines of those barbed wire tattoos douchebags put on their biceps), a bad tint job, and a loud exhaust.

    • 0 avatar

      I can understand the S-Class, since it’s aspirational transportation for the underclass who fancy themselves as rap gods overlooked by the industry, but a Phaeton? The average peasant’s shallow brand consciousness isn’t finely attuned to the significance of this automobile or its myriad engineering accomplishment. At least a 3 pointed star functions as an aphrodisiac to single mothers looking to get out of government assisted housing.

      • 0 avatar
        Educator(of teachers)Dan

        Your giving me flashbacks to my time as a young new teacher at a Charter School in Detroit. Many of the teachers were young single men who were fresh out of college and the students were K-8th grade. Their (mostly) single mothers eyed us like hungry sharks.

    • 0 avatar

      I can understand the S-Class, since it’s aspirational transportation for the underclass who fancy themselves as rap gods overlooked by the industry, but a Phaeton? The average peasant’s shallow brand consciousness isn’t finely attuned to the significance of this automobile or its myriad engineering accomplishments. At least a 3 pointed star functions as an aphrodisiac to single mothers looking to get out of government assisted housing.

  • avatar

    It’s not as ugly as the wheels on that new Z. Or the Murano

  • avatar
    Mark MacInnis

    Could be worse. At least it doesn’t have a tail wing the size of a sheet of drywall (that I can tell, anyway.)

    That would be E.

    Gregious.

  • avatar
    APaGttH

    For an extra $250, the car dealer will take the dead hooker out of the trunk and the roaches from the ash tray.

  • avatar

    Maybe it’s the allure of the faux carbon fiber hood that allows them to command this premium price! This nonsense runs rampant here in LA. See my post: Dude Or Douchebag: Carbon Fiber http://www.motorheadmama.com/?p=134

  • avatar
    sportyaccordy

    All it needs is a Bentley emblem kit and it will actually move. $20K Bentley… a yardie pot dealer’s dream whip.

  • avatar
    Idemmu

    In the words of David Chapelle, ” All this racism is killing me inside”

  • avatar
    Mr Nosy

    Well,based on MY observations,corporate drug dealers(Better known among the bourgeoisie as “Pharmacists”.)prefer Audis,or some tedious variation of Lexi.While MRCSA’s-Mobile Recreational Chemical Sales Associates,a.k.a “drug dealers” will,of course, gravitate to that which is “tight”(This car is not,hence it lot lounger status.)in order to “Go get some shit done.” Founding Father entrepreneurial spirit,indeed!Oh yeah,cars,I digress.As far as the VW Phaeton goes-When did this vehicle become the anointed one for those with Starchy,High Protestant,New England pretensions? I thought that’s what Saturn Auras were for.Besides, I’ve seen lamer than this-a bling-rimmed Bentley GT Sedan in a valet line on the Sunset Strip in flat black.Ugh,now that’s pure and utter nonsense.

    • 0 avatar
      krhodes1

      The Phaeton actually sold relatively well in New England, I see a number of them on a regular basis, always immaculately kept.

      Starchy New Englanders have ALWAYS appreciated subtly, and a Phaeton is nothing if not subtle. It’s perfect really, very expensive, but only those who know what it is KNOW it is really expensive. Like a finely tailored suit, which to the great unwashed is just a suit, but those in the know will know the wearer spent huge money on it, to the masses it is just a big car. Unlike an S-class, 7-series or a nasty big Lexus, which shout “MONEY” to the masses.

      Saturn Auras? Oh dear God no. No class at all. Saab 9-5 is more like it.


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