World's Most Grotesque Volkswagen Phaeton For Sale

Derek Kreindler
by Derek Kreindler

The Volkswagen Phaeton is supposed to be the definition of understated refinement, a Patek Calatrava in a world gone mad for Hublot Big Bangs. Someone in Toronto, Canada didn’t get the memo.

Sporting some truly awful accouterments, like a black-accented hood, Canadian Tire-spec 20″ alloys and a home-brew red brake caliper paintjob, the Phaeton would be nothing more than a tacky oddity if it weren’t for the fact that it’s, well…a Phaeton. Poorly modified luxury cars are nothing new, but a Phaeton is absolutely bizarre given its discretion and bloated-Passat looks. In a world all about image, this would be the last choice for the kind of underclass yob that modifies 4-door sedans in this style.

What possesses someone to buy a Phaeton with the intention of making it look like a Yardie drug dealer’s 1994 Acura Vigor? With 77,000 miles and an asking price of $19,000, this Phaeton would be a good deal if it were a clean, one-owner car not being sold at a sketchy “Buy Here, Pay Here” lot in one of Toronto’s crappier neighborhoods.

Derek Kreindler
Derek Kreindler

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  • Motorhead Mama Motorhead Mama on Feb 07, 2012

    Maybe it's the allure of the faux carbon fiber hood that allows them to command this premium price! This nonsense runs rampant here in LA. See my post: Dude Or Douchebag: Carbon Fiber http://www.motorheadmama.com/?p=134

  • Sportyaccordy Sportyaccordy on Feb 07, 2012

    All it needs is a Bentley emblem kit and it will actually move. $20K Bentley... a yardie pot dealer's dream whip.

  • Idemmu Idemmu on Feb 07, 2012

    In the words of David Chapelle, " All this racism is killing me inside"

  • Mr Nosy Mr Nosy on Feb 08, 2012

    Well,based on MY observations,corporate drug dealers(Better known among the bourgeoisie as "Pharmacists".)prefer Audis,or some tedious variation of Lexi.While MRCSA's-Mobile Recreational Chemical Sales Associates,a.k.a "drug dealers" will,of course, gravitate to that which is "tight"(This car is not,hence it lot lounger status.)in order to "Go get some shit done." Founding Father entrepreneurial spirit,indeed!Oh yeah,cars,I digress.As far as the VW Phaeton goes-When did this vehicle become the anointed one for those with Starchy,High Protestant,New England pretensions? I thought that's what Saturn Auras were for.Besides, I've seen lamer than this-a bling-rimmed Bentley GT Sedan in a valet line on the Sunset Strip in flat black.Ugh,now that's pure and utter nonsense.

    • Krhodes1 Krhodes1 on Feb 08, 2012

      The Phaeton actually sold relatively well in New England, I see a number of them on a regular basis, always immaculately kept. Starchy New Englanders have ALWAYS appreciated subtly, and a Phaeton is nothing if not subtle. It's perfect really, very expensive, but only those who know what it is KNOW it is really expensive. Like a finely tailored suit, which to the great unwashed is just a suit, but those in the know will know the wearer spent huge money on it, to the masses it is just a big car. Unlike an S-class, 7-series or a nasty big Lexus, which shout "MONEY" to the masses. Saturn Auras? Oh dear God no. No class at all. Saab 9-5 is more like it.

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