Nobody Out-Gimmicks The General

Also file under “what else do you say when sales drop 52.9 percent?” Automotive News [sub] sifted out a tasty nugget from GM’s latest sales conference call kabuki. “We’ve looked at Hyundai’s ( Assurance) program extensively, and we’ve examined some possibilities of what we might do because certainly the consumer is anxious and worried about the future and whether or not they will retain their job,” was how GM’s Mark LaNeve put it. Interesting. But, continues the GM marketing chief, “we’re not crazy about the Hyundai program.” Because it’s made of kimchee? No, “because all it does is protect your credit from being wrecked. You’ve still got to turn in your car. And when you lose your job, you still need a car to find another job.” GM’s answer: build the gimmick that fixes everything. Of course.

But wait. A GM spokesman also tells AN that “we aren’t interested in following Hyundai’s Assurance program exactly because we’re not sure how effective it really is.” Rest assured though, your tax dollars are being spent as we speak, paying GM’s finest minds to figure out whether Hyundai’s sales mojo is based on Assurance or cash on the hood. Deciding, as it were, whether to chase Hyundai’s gimmickry or Chrysler’s incentive frenzy.

“That said,” continues GM’s spokesman, hitting Bushian heights, “we think there’s something there that addresses consumer confidence, and that’s the area we’re looking at: Can we do something that addresses consumer confidence?” After all, GM can only continue already existing Presidents Day sale incentives into March. The big deal? “GM will use the TV time it bought during the NCAA basketball tournament to promote its product message more than a sale.” Because that way you still have a car when you lose your job. Oh wait.