ISIS Branches Out Into Car Dealerships; Read the Fine Print Carefully

Steph Willems
by Steph Willems
isis branches out into car dealerships read the fine print carefully

We’ve all dealt with a car salesman who wanted us to sign our life away on an overpriced import, but there’s a good chance that’s literally happening in Iraq right now.

Reuters reports that Islamic State fighters have taken to running car dealerships as a way of making money, now that allied airstrikes have cut off much of their oil-generated income.

Not long ago, the group claimed an (estimated) annual income of $2.9 billion from their seized oil fields and related gasoline-selling operations, but bombs aimed at the group’s financial infrastructure put the kibosh on their prosperity.

Revenues are down by a third, and fighters that planned to live the high life while butchering people are now bummed over their pay cut.

So, the bloodthirsty group than shuns diversity has been forced to diversify the business side of their operation, taking over car dealerships and state-run factories to generate some cash. We can only imagine what that dealer experience is like.

“You want to terminate a lease? I’ll terminate YOU!”

Money generated from vehicle sales flows to the group’s finance ministry in the northern Iraq city of Mosul (the site of a looming allied offensive), where it’s then distributed to fighters in ISIS-controlled territory.

If the salesman life is too stressful, ISIS has another fallback operation: fishing.

People need fish, right? If you can help it, never buy a fish — or a car — from ISIS. Can’t be trusted.

If you’re looking to get a sense of your average ISIS fighter’s sales prowess (“Undercoating ISN’T optional! Did you hear me!?”), check out this helmet cam video of clumsy ISIS fighters hitting each other with hot spent shell casings and burning each other with RPG exhaust.

Now picture that at the Mosul Pre-Owned Emporium.

[Image: Martin Kleppe/ Flickr ( CC BY-NC 2.0)]

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2 of 53 comments
  • Bob65688581 Small by American standards, this car is just right for Europe, and probably China, although I don't really know, there. Upscale small cars don't exist in the US because Americans associate size and luxury, so it will have a tough time in the States... but again Europe is used to such cars. Audi has been making "small, upscale" since forever. As usual, Americans will miss an opportunity. I'll buy one, though!Contrary to your text, the EX30 has nothing whatsoever to do with the XC40 or C40, being built on a dedicated chassis.
  • Tassos Chinese owned Vollvo-Geely must have the best PR department of all automakers. A TINY maker with only 0.5-0.8% market share in the US, it is in the news every day.I have lost count how many different models Volvo has, and it is shocking how FEW of each miserable one it sells in the US market.Approximately, it sells as many units (TOTAL) as is the total number of loser models it offers.
  • ToolGuy Seems pretty reasonable to me. (Sorry)
  • Luke42 When I moved from Virginia to Illinois, the lack of vehicle safety inspections was a big deal to me. I thought it would be a big change.However, nobody drives around in an unsafe car when they have the money to get their car fixed and driving safely.Also, Virginia's inspection regimine only meant that a car was safe to drive one day a year.Having lived with and without automotive safety inspections, my confusion is that they don't really matter that much.What does matter is preventing poverty in your state, and Illinois' generally pro-union political climate does more for automotive safety (by ensuring fair wages for tradespeople) than ticketing poor people for not having enough money to maintain their cars.
  • ToolGuy When you are pulled over for speeding, whether you are given a ticket or not should depend on how attractive you are.Source: My sister 😉