Piston Slap: Do As I Say, Not As I Do Edition

Sajeev Mehta
by Sajeev Mehta

Matt writes:

Sajeev,

I have a 2007 Mustang GT that I bought new. I love the car, but hate having a car payment ($372/mo for another 2 years). A local Lincoln dealer has a 1998 Mark VIII for six grand with 72k miles. My father had a then-new ’94 Mark VIII, but it got parked underneath a F-250 before I was old enough to drive it.

I’m also thinking about getting a Grand Marquis, since used low-miles Panthers are plentiful here in Florida. My commute is short and littered with deputies, so something low-key has it’s appeal. I imagine the Mark VIII would be more work, but while Panthers will be plentiful here for years to come, the Mark VIII is a rare breed.

Sajeev Answers:

How ironic: not only have I (exclusively) driven a Lincoln Mark VIII since 2003, last year my Dad sold his 2007 Mustang GT for a Panther. I know all the players in this game much too well. I know that owning a Mark VIII for a regular commuter is a bad idea, especially the (even more) complicated bits of the ’97-98 models. Since I have yet to find a suitable replacement worthy of a monthly payment and bought mine with 117,000 well-maintained miles on the clock, let’s go over what you’ll have to fork over while making an original, low-mile Mark VIII a trustworthy ride:

1. Front upper control arms and strut rod bushings – don’t know why they go bad, but they do!

2. Rear shock mounts – ditto.

3. New air springs – They (OEM Ford springs) last 10-12 years, and the aftermarket ones don’t even do that. The coil spring conversions found on the Internet are a hit-or-miss affair.

4. HID headlights, Neon center taillight (97-98) – You can convert to conventional bulbs ($700-ish) and nobody needs a center taillight. And while I am spending a shit ton to make adapters for modern HID bulbs into the Mark’s headlight, I don’t necessarily want you to join the insanity.

5. Any wear item normally associated with old cars: tires, brake jobs, transmission servicing, radiators, hoses, etc. Fun!

6. Labor is tough; this platform was designed with Euro levels of sophistication (look at the driveshaft, buried under everything) with underhood room designed for Ford’s tiny 3.8L pushrod V6, not the DOHC V8 for Lincoln’s exclusive use.

Conclusion? You are better off finding an MGM cruiser, saving money instead for a down payment on a house. Or, more to your liking, spend a bit more for a Mercury Marauder. Even though the Panther’s driving dynamics are terrible compared to a fully independent, air suspended Mark VIII, they won’t need thousands of dollars to make right. So just do as I say…not as I do.

Send your queries to mehta@ttac.com. Spare no details and ask for a speedy resolution if you’re in a hurry.

Sajeev Mehta
Sajeev Mehta

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  • Krhodes1 Krhodes1 on Oct 25, 2010

    I'm REALLY starting to think this site should be renamed "The Truth About Crappy Old Fords". Have any of you people actually driven GOOD cars??? Or is it just that you all live in the flyover states where the roads are straight for 100 miles at a stretch, and handling and ride are theoretical at best? Sheesh.

    • See 1 previous
    • Stuki Stuki on Oct 26, 2010

      Highly diverse enthusiast communities like this, is where the seeds of later mass market shifts are sown. If TTAC was around 30-50 years ago, it would probably be the place where the virtues of "European sports sedans" and "crappy" little Japanese cars were extolled. And The Truth is, American auto makers didn't just settle on large, softly sprung cars with big, slow turning engines out of spite; but rather because such cars were always well suited to the needs and driving habits of large segments of American drivers (and passengers). So, while the big 3 definitely let themselves go a bit wrt quality, and some segments of the population "require" more BMWesque handling, much of the fundamental goodness inherent in traditional, large American RWD cars were thrown out with the bathwater as part of the import craze of the past three or so decades. And sites like this is where the first attempts at rectifying this is likely to appear. Now, if the big3-2-... would only pay more attention this time, instead of betting whatever little they have left on their farm on chasing Bimmers and Priuses............... Spending just a tiny little bit on updating the Panther, instead of getting rid of it, would be a good start. As would be building a convertible on that (updated) platform. I mean, if there is one area (other than stretching) where BOF has advantages, it must be in ease of getting rid of the roof without too dire structural consequences.

  • Whuffo2 Whuffo2 on Oct 25, 2010

    I'll second what was said in a previous comment: NEVER BUY AN OLD LUXURY CAR I could spend several paragraphs explaining why it's a bad idea - don't do it, you'll be sorry.

    • Wheeljack Wheeljack on Oct 26, 2010

      I'll second this - the window to to purchase a used Mark VIII was way back when they were available as a "certified" used car from a L-M dealer with the opportunity to buy the (practically mandatory) bumper-to-bumper extended warranty. Years ago I tried to talk a fellow Merkur club member out of purchasing a used 1994 Lincoln Continental, which he described as his "dream car" (buddy, you need better dreams). Having worked for Ford, I knew all the expensive trouble areas of these cars and their propensity to fail just out of warranty. I knew these cars so well that I even correctly guessed the reason why it was in for a shop visit when the original owner decided to just trade up to a new V-8 Continental, thus making this "dream car" available. For the curious, it was a failed A/C hose, a common repair on these. Since there was no talking my club mate out of the car, I convinced him to buy a comprehensive extended warranty to protect him from the inevitable. Naturally, the inevitable occurred and it needed all four air struts replaced just out of regular warranty. That extended warranty paid for itself in just that one repair, and it would really come in handy once the head gaskets failed, a self-immolation trick these cars all performed by around 75,000 miles.

  • Statikboy I see only old Preludes in red. And a concept in white.Pretty sure this is going to end up being simply a Civic coupe. Maybe a slightly shorter wheelbase or wider track than the sedan, but mechanically identical to the Civic in Touring and/or Si trims.
  • SCE to AUX With these items under the pros:[list][*]It's quick, though it seems to take the powertrain a second to get sorted when you go from cruising to tromping on it.[/*][*]The powertrain transitions are mostly smooth, though occasionally harsh.[/*][/list]I'd much rather go electric or pure ICE I hate herky-jerky hybrid drivetrains.The list of cons is pretty damning for a new vehicle. Who is buying these things?
  • Jrhurren Nissan is in a sad state of affairs. Even the Z mentioned, nice though it is, will get passed over 3 times by better vehicles in the category. And that’s pretty much the story of Nissan right now. Zero of their vehicles are competitive in the segment. The only people I know who drive them are company cars that were “take it or leave it”.
  • Jrhurren I rented a RAV for a 12 day vacation with lots of driving. I walked away from the experience pretty unimpressed. Count me in with Team Honda. Never had a bad one yet
  • ToolGuy I don't deserve a vehicle like this.
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