2018 Porsche 911 GT2 RS: FWD, CVT, Semi-Autonomous, Five-Seat Sports Crossover Marketed With Earth Dream Emojis

If you’re going to spend $294,250 on a 2018 Porsche 911 GT2 RS, revealed today at the Goodwood Festival of Speed, you undoubtedly are a Porschephile with high expectations.

That’s why Porsche, having already jettisoned the six-speed manual transmission for a faster-shifting, seven-speed dual-clutch transmission, has removed the concept of shifting altogether. What can shift faster than a continuously variable transmission, which doesn’t have to shift at all?

911 GT2s have always been a handful in the wet because of Porsche’s need to distinguish the GT2 from the all-wheel-drive 911 Turbo. That’s unacceptable now, so Porsche has made the CVT-equipped 911 GT2 a front-wheel-drive car.

Lane Keeping Assist, a vital component in many a modern midsize car, is permanently switched on in the 2018 911 GT2 RS to allow drivers time to ponder the wonders of a new cooling system that sprays water on the intercoolers when temperatures get too hot.

The gigantic rear wing, a skyscraper of a device, is only elevated when the CVT is shifted into Park so as not to distract other drivers on the interstate.

In light of modern emissions constraints, the 2018 911 GT2 RS’s Sport mode has been replaced by an Eco setting, enhanced by an Eco+ selector that reduces power from 700 to 350.

Once in Eco+ mode, the 2018 911 GT2 RS’s GPS offers directions to the nearest racetrack, at which point — and only at which point —the Eco+ mode can be turned off. Fortunately, because Porsche is an enthusiast-driven company, the nav system offers these directions without you even having to ask for them.

Due to an unanticipated increase in the number of families who require three-row seating, Porsche has reversed course with the traditional two-seat GT2RS and reinserted the rear perch — while also adding a rear-facing jump seat between the driver and front passenger.

The rear contact patches have been reduced to 255/50R19s in order to increase tread life and ease the cost of replacement for owners.

With the market for new cars shrinking, Porsche recognizes the need to incentivize the 911 GT2 RS, so the $294,250 will only be financed — no cash purchases accepted — over 96 months at 4.9 percent.

Cognizant of marketplace trends, Porsche has elevated the 911 GT2 RS’s ride height by nine-tenths of an inch for 2018, further marking its “urban lifestyle” capabilities with black cladding around the wheelarches.

Knowing the key demographic to reach is MWM – Millennials with money — Porsche will advertise the 2018 911 GT2 RS with no words and no voiceovers: emojis only.

We kid.

Cars aren’t dead. Driving isn’t done. Fun can still be had. Autonomy isn’t tomorrow. You don’t have to drive a Buick Encore.

Porsche still builds sports cars.

The 2018 Porsche 911 GT2 RS generates 700-horsepower from a 3.8-liter twin-turbo flat-six and sends 553 lb-ft of torque — 37 lb-ft more than the last GT2 RS — to the rear wheels through a seven-speed Doppelkupplung.

Top speed? 211 miles per hour.

0-60 miles per hour? 2.7 seconds.

Filled with fluids, the two-seat 2018 911 GT2 RS weighs just 3,241 pounds, but can drop its fighting weight to 3,201 pounds by way of a $31,000 Weissach Package: magnesium wheels, carbon fiber roof, carbon fiber anti-roll bars. Even in the bog standard GT2 RS, the titanium exhaust weighs 15 pounds less than the exhaust in the proletarian 911 Turbo.

Porsche ceramic composite brakes are standard fit. Front tires are 265/35ZR20s; rear rubber measure 325/30ZR21.

The 2018 Porsche 911 GT2 RS is available to order now, but it won’t arrive at dealers in the United States until early 2018. By which time we’ll all be driving Waymo Pacificas, anyhow.

[Images: Porsche]

Timothy Cain is a contributing analyst at The Truth About Cars and Autofocus.ca and the founder and former editor of GoodCarBadCar.net. Follow on Twitter @timcaincars.