By on January 1, 2014

QOTD-GreenVanAs of 12:01 AM Mountain Time on Wednesday, the first legal, open-to-the-general public cannabis shops in the United States may start selling their wares. In my Denver neighborhood, the dispensary next door to the first Chipotle restaurant opens for business at 10:00 AM, and I’m trying to guess what kind of car, truck, or other vehicle will be the first to screech to a smoky halt at this establishment’s front door. Actually, the loadiest stoners aren’t exactly conscious of, like, the clock, man, so this vehicle will probably show up on Friday at about 11:38 PM, and then the occupants will forget why they were there in the first place and go find a 7-11 to buy some Twin Bings… but for the purposes of discussion we’re going to say 10:00 AM on the dot, stoniest motor vehicle. What is it?
69BlueBeetle_RearThe good old Type 1 Beetle (and its Transporter cousin) scores pretty high on the TCH-O-Meter, though you don’t see many of them these days. Hippies back in the old days liked air-cooled Volkswagens because they’ll run like crap better than any other car, which means that you can space out on maintenance for years and still drive; the air-cooled Volks is the only four-stroke four-cylinder engine I’ve ever seen that will run on one cylinder. There’s no water to boil over, no complicated controls to confuse the driver.
85_Tercel_Emblem_LHThe 1983-86 Toyota Tercel 4WD wagon is a favorite of Denver/Boulder wastoids, and it’s also quite popular in the redwood country of California. Reliable, room for all your loser friends and their snowboards, friendly-looking, capable of chugging through fairly serious snow.
64ImpalaConvert-01The 1961-64 Chevy Impala makes this list, because Cheech drove one in Up In Smoke.
IMG_1270My vote, however, goes to any vintage scooter. One look at a group of scooter freaks and you can tell they’re smoking some stuff that would make even Willie Nelson freak out. What’s your choice for Stoniest Vehicle of All Time?

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101 Comments on “Question: What Is the Stoniest Moter Vehicle of All Time?...”


  • avatar
    philipbarrett

    Before answering I need to know if there’s a Statue of Limitations on moving violations?

  • avatar
    panzerfaust

    For sheer stereotype I’d go for a VW microbus. Where I live the stonermobile is usually an old Nissan/Toyota/Chevy Lumina spray bomb painted black, or silver with matching color coordinated duct tape holding various critical pieces of the car on. Ultimately, the most profligate stoner ends up taking the shoe leather express.

  • avatar
    Signal11

    Considering just how many people of all stripes partake in THC imbibing, a white Camcord.

  • avatar

    The stereotypes are quite tiresome. In my area, most stoners have six figure incomes and coach their kids’ sports teams (not while stoned) on the weekends. The typical car will probably look like the typical car parked in any mall parking lot, that is, not otherwise identifiable.

    The biggest issue will be the same the Dutch have…drug tourism, but legalization will probably hit more states in short order, which will minimize most of this.

    • 0 avatar

      Marijuana should be legalized, but treated the same as Alcohol. I don’t need people driving stoned and I don’t feel children should be legally allowed to have it -or pregnant women.

      The only exception are terminally-ill children. They should be allowed to smoke WHATEVER THEY WANT. Even cocaine if they can afford it!

      When I’m old and retired, I’m gonna make up for all the drugs I didn’t do while I was maintaining my career and keeping a spotless record.

    • 0 avatar
      April

      I’m sure one needs to show Identification to buy. An out of state ID/Drivers License would prevent drug tourism.

      In my state (where it is still illegal) most people I know who smoke weed drive older vanilla compact 4-door sedans (Ford Focus and such).

    • 0 avatar
      Jellodyne

      Wait, why is drug tourism a problem? Heaven forbid people come from out of state and spend a bunch of money doing legal, heavily taxed recreational substances. They’re probably hoping other states don’t legalize.

  • avatar
    gogogodzilla

    Everyone knows that the quintessential vehicle for this is the VW Bus.

    How else did everyone make it to Woodstock?

  • avatar
    LectroByte

    1964 Corvair 4dr Sedan. The odors from the heat exchangers masked a more familiar smell. Remove a rubber plug or two from the floor of the trunk and you had a built-in self-draining ice cooler.

  • avatar
    gottacook

    “…the TCH-O-Meter”: Yes, and Mr. Spock “took a little too much LDS” (says Captain Kirk in Star Trek IV, the one with the whales).

    Car: mid- to late 1970s SAAB 3-door hatch, ideally mud-colored.

  • avatar
    360joules

    Range Rover driven by trophy/housewife with big sunglasses and yoga pants.

  • avatar
    Lie2me

    AMC Pacer for mobile “Mirth” and merry

  • avatar
    zeus01

    In 1981/1981 within an approximately 100-mile radius of Woodstock N.B. Canada it was a 1973 Chev Impala coupe. Around this same time the phrase “known to police” was coined.

    • 0 avatar
      -Nate

      Comments like this is why so many of your Elders dismiss anything young folks say without bothering to listen .

      I first heard that phrase whilst watching an old black and white movie in 1964…..

      Truly , there is very little that is new , under the sun .

      -Nate

      • 0 avatar
        jz78817

        most people go through a phase in their lives where they think history began the instant they bothered to notice it (like the people who think diesels didn’t exist until the TDI Jetta.)

        most of us grow out of it.

  • avatar

    Dear Mr Martin, the tercel is the one. Because breaking bad.

    • 0 avatar
      LeeK

      Whoever did the vehicle selection for the series did a brilliant job, from Walt’s Aztek to Jessie’s Tercel wagon to Saul’s Sedan de Ville to Junior’s PT Cruiser to Todd’s El Camino to Mike’s clapped-out Buicks and Chyslers.

      • 0 avatar

        Even the chrysler that comes after Walts pontiac is fitting.

      • 0 avatar
        burgersandbeer

        Jalopnik ran a story on the car selection process for Breaking Bad. They certainly put some thought into it.

        I thought Mike’s cars stood out too much because of how clapped out they were. Thought he would pick something that blended in better.

        • 0 avatar
          28-Cars-Later

          I thought Mike’s cars were fitting as they all looked like old man beaters. If I saw him in the neighborhoods he was in, dressed as he frequently was, I wouldn’t bat an eye… he would just look like any old retired blue collar man.

          Additional: I may be thinking too much about this but here is another plot tie in with the Chrysler is the fact its an M-body. I believe after the Gustavo hit, Hank starts investigating Mike’s background and its revealed he was a cop in Philadelphia for ten years. I don’t believe a timeframe is specified but given his age that time frame would have probably started in the 80s and the young Mike would have most likely been trained on M-Body Dippys, Fifth Avenue would have been very similar.

      • 0 avatar
        28-Cars-Later

        I especially enjoyed the 78 or 79 Cadillac (I believe Fleetwood) used as Walt’s final car (I saw it as symbolic as Walt was the “king”). The producers really had a gift for matching characters to automobiles.

  • avatar
    hurricanehole

    hahaha, vdub gets my vote. Any long term smoker is still going to park around the corner out of paranoia. Let us know who has the big ones to park out front!

  • avatar
    Toad

    In Colorado? Older Subaru wagon (probably a hand me down from parents). Bumper stickers for various snowboarding products, reggae crap, and – of course – “Coexist.” Another vehicle that will run badly forever yet be slightly counter cultural.

    • 0 avatar
      Maymar

      One of the biggest herbal advocates I know, well, he doesn’t drive, but his girlfriend has an Outback Sport, so you’re probably on to something there.

      On the other hand, the other has a Chevy Suburban, which isn’t counter cultural at all. Admittedly, mostly because it’s big enough to haul band gear.

    • 0 avatar
      azmtbkr81

      You’ve hit the nail on the head. Subarus are common as dirt and the “Coexist” sticker is absolutely de rigueur if you want to run with the trust-afarian, vegan, enviro-pothead crowd in the greater Denver area. Don’t forget the witty anti-Bush stickers which ironically still appear on cars manufactured after Bush left office, usually Prii.

  • avatar
    shaker

    Third-Gen Chevy Cavalier, with front and rear-end damage, and the trunk lid secured (loosely) with a bungee cord. Fart-can exhaust is a plus.

  • avatar
    I've got a Jaaaaag

    1980s Volvo 240 or 740. Lots of these in sedan and wagon form are parked around the head shops in Atlanta.

  • avatar
    50merc

    Willy Nelson’s bus.

  • avatar
    Frankie the Hollywood Scum

    Honda Element, which also strangely gets my vote for best modern small pick em up truck.

  • avatar
    Erikstrawn

    Dodge Dynasty. Cheap, runs good in terrible condition, and you can score nice examples at estate sales. Plus, it’s soooo comfy when you get stuck inside because your legs just don’t want to move.

  • avatar
    Rod Panhard

    For the modern stoner, it’s a Prius. Totally a gas-and-go operation, and when you want to zone-out, you can hypermile it.

  • avatar
    gasser

    Cop car

    • 0 avatar
      Lie2me

      +1

    • 0 avatar
      Lorenzo

      It would have to be a FED cop car. State and local police will know about and uphold state law, but the Feds will claim federal law supersedes state statutes and confiscate the store’s stock of “merchandise”.

      • 0 avatar
        WhiskerDaVinci

        They probably won’t do that though, to be honest. If they were going to interfere, they already would have. They’ve had plenty of time to pull that, and haven’t. The DOJ has also said they aren’t going to interfere either, so they’re probably very safe.

  • avatar
    jco

    a weed dispensary next to a chipotle? i think I know which franchise I’m buying

    • 0 avatar
      Lorenzo

      They’ll get the munchies after they use it, not after they buy it. You could probably map the users by monitoring sales at neighborhood stores and fast food restaurants.

      • 0 avatar
        Lie2me

        Do you think there’s a lot of time between purchase and indulgence? I would say the amount of time it takes to get to the car… I’ll have a Martguerita with my chips and salsa, mmm, life is good

    • 0 avatar
      luvmyv8

      He he. Just before Colorado passed the weed law, Peyton Manning bought a bunch of Papa John’s Pizza franchises in Denver…. coincidence? I think not!

  • avatar
    Joss

    Late model Chrysler minivan – depreciated weed den on wheels. They’re easy to spot, they pull their own advanced left soon as the light turns green.

  • avatar
    PrincipalDan

    I’d say the 1968 Impala Hell Project is the Stoniest Car of all time.

  • avatar
    Bob

    Chevy BLAZER, Volvo wagon, Scion xB covered in bumper stickers, or a VW golf.

  • avatar
    smalleyxb122

    “…the only four-stroke four-cylinder engine I’ve ever seen that will run on one cylinder.”

    The Iron Duke begs to differ. http://jalopnik.com/5524236/never-give-up-one+cylinder-fiero-one+speed-thunderbird

    The biggest stoners that I have ever known drove:
    A Chevy Suburban
    A Plymouth Voyager
    A mid-’80s Cadillac

    Quite honestly though, there is really no demographic for people who smoke weed. However, I will put in my official guess as an early ’90s Buick (probably LeSabre)

  • avatar
    rudiger

    Classic: Plymouth Duster with a Slant-Six and Torqueflite. Even more so than a VW Microbus, particularly during the Malaise Era.

    Today: I think the poster who said Toyota Prius got it. Not a new one, but a much older, second generation hatchback model with high miles. It would seem to fit the original, VW Microbus-type, laid-back personality of not caring about much of anything, other than where and when they’re going to get their next hit.

  • avatar
    Beerboy12

    The Ford F150, it’s the highest selling vehicle on the US market so it stands to reason it has the highest (pun intended) number of stoner drivers, therefor making it a typical stoner vehicle.
    Other than that I would guess customers have a good chance of arriving on foot, having take the bus.

  • avatar
    crm114

    I drive a ’92 F-150, since you’re asking.

  • avatar
    mknevada

    Blue 1989 Olds Delta 88,Garbage Bag rear passenger window,frayed,flapping vinyl roof,riding on at least one donut.Classic loser croozer…..4 occupants at least,as resources were pooled..stamps sold,lot rent shorted…Wife beaters,tattoos and a beefy armed heifer in the front passenger seat who seems to be the project manager…Blotchy velour encrusted interior smells of bong water and Old Muk…One of many archetypes,I know,but these folks will be there today..give it a minute..Oh..there they are!

  • avatar
    mknevada

    BTW..is “Moter” misspelled?..Hmmm..Pass the Doritos…

  • avatar
    segfault

    “The 1983-86 Toyota Tercel 4WD wagon is a favorite of Denver/Boulder wastoids…”

    And of noted meth cook Jesse Pinkman (on Breaking Bad).

  • avatar
    Geekcarlover

    From personal experience, a 77 Hornet or Mazda GLC with heavily tinted windows. Because no one would suspect the billowing smoke pouring out to create the “Spicolli effect”. Hey, no one said that stuff made us any smarter.

  • avatar
    mr.cranky

    For modern vehicles up in my part of the Northeast, the Honda Civic and Subaru Legacy.

    I know at least 3 stoners with Civics and knew plenty that drove Legacies (and occasional Outback).

  • avatar
    azmtbkr81

    In Phoenix it’s either a GM G-body or full size GM SUV outfitted with the largest, heaviest chrome rims that can be found. No such thing as hippy stoners here.

  • avatar
    Scout_Number_4

    Mystery Machine FTW!

  • avatar
    Atum

    I’m following a legit stoner on Instagram, and his dream car is a graffiti covered VW Bus.

  • avatar
    brandloyalty

    Anyone who cycles in cities can tell you that you can smell pot coming out of many cars going past. Maybe as many as 1 per 100. I think they’d agree there is no pattern to the types of those cars, and the “smelly” cars certainly don’t exhibit a pattern of being driven in a threatening manner.

  • avatar

    I can say with all honesty that I’ve never smoked marijuana in a VW Type I, a Toyota Tercel AWD wagon, an early ’60s Chevy Impala convertible, or while riding a Vespa.

  • avatar
    myheadhertz

    Neb will be there!

    http://i992.photobucket.com/albums/af48/Bob_Vance_HVAC/NebthekrazyCroatian_zpsdb760430.jpg

  • avatar
    Zykotec

    I would guess something like, hypotethically offcourse, 73 Opel Kadett 1.2S, 81 Kadett 1.3S, 92 Nissan Primera, late 70’s 1.5 Golf diesel, 76 Corolla, 86 Audi 80 or early 80’s Suzuki Alto.
    This could hypotethically have been Norway in the mid to late 90’s
    Not that I would know (as I didn’t have a car of my own yet back then)

  • avatar
    jco

    oh and for reference, I’ve smoked since I was 18. and my vehicles are always clean, properly maintained, and usually dent-free.

  • avatar
    MRF 95 T-Bird

    The 71 Chevrolet Impala or Caprice red convertible in movie Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. In the book it was a 71 Eldorado convertible.

    • 0 avatar
      gottacook

      I haven’t seen the movie in a while, but I own the book. I’m pretty sure that both convertibles mentioned in the book are represented in the movie: the 1971 red Impala and later the 1970 white DeVille.

  • avatar
    luvmyv8

    How about the Cadillac from the original Gone in 60 Seconds that a group of kids tool around in the whole movie, until the ’73 Mach 1 ‘Eleanor’ cuts them off and they crash into a row of parked cars? They were so stoned, they didn’t care and kept on driving until the damn thing caught fire!

    “See you around Billy!”

  • avatar
    reclusive_in_nature

    Nice to see scooters getting some TTAC attention. I too, am a scooter enthusiast (Genuine Psycho Buddy 125) and a LIGHT connoisseur of pot. Soon as I ETS from the National Guard and no longer have to fear monthly drug tests I intend to delve into my secret habit even further.

    I’m curious about how well the Nissan Quest’s air purification system does with pot smoke?

  • avatar
    Atum

    I just saw the TV tonight, and weed isn’t being legalized everywhere; only in Colorado. You said all over the United States. That’s like me saying a special deal going on at North Georgia Honda dealers is going on everywhere in the country.

  • avatar
    mkirk

    I saw a Counting Cars episode the other day where they did Bob Marley’s Mercedes. That car would get my nod.

  • avatar
    Big Al from Oz

    Sergio is buying out Chrysler for $3.85 billion. Chrysler throws in $700 mil.

  • avatar
    gtemnykh

    Easy,

    The Dude’s ’73 Gran Torino!

    linkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iApz08Bh53w

  • avatar
    jimbob457

    Uh… maybe Walter the Bus from this years Burning Man … a double scale VW microbus replica done on a truck chassis.

  • avatar
    SomeGuy

    Chevy Monte Carlo SS (3.8L V6)

  • avatar
    mechimike

    One of the old, square, square quad-headlight Cadillacs, like the one driven by Seth Rogen in Pineapple Express.

    “You got to rock down to Electric Avenue, and then it gets you higher!”

  • avatar
    Advance_92

    Don’t forget the Festiva for low maintenance stoner motoring. Jim Anchower has one, after all.

    http://www.theonion.com/articles/for-a-few-months-i-had-it-all,18175/

  • avatar
    kjb911

    around here it seems to be mid 2000’s Honda Odyssey

  • avatar
    CoreyDL

    I wish I related to these pot articles better. Never done it, it just doesn’t appeal to me.

  • avatar
    danio3834

    Around here it seems to be a late 90’s Cavalier with a Hatchet Man graphic.


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