By on October 1, 2011

Here we are at MSR Houston for the fourth annual Yeehaw It’s Texas 24 Hours of LeMons race. To ensure that TTAC’s coverage of the race remains completely objective, we’ve got three of your most loyal and dependable TTAC scribes delivering hard-hitting, hammer-jack-stomping journalism for y’all.
Sajeev and I are race officials, and Jack “That’s a PLYMOUTH Neon, Sucka” Baruth will be getting some seat time behind the wheels of the Tetanus Racing Neon and Porsche 944. By the way, that pistol in my hand is an “Hijos de Villa” commemorative tequila bottle.
The fact that I’ve been judging for the 24 Hours of LeMons for more than three years, with LeMons Chief Perp Jay Lamm handing me rapid fire louie like Rambo got bullets, has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Mr. Lamm is The Greatest Race Promoter Who Ever Walked The Earth (indeed, he is one of the Giants of Motorsport), nor does it alter my certainty that the 24 Hours of LeMons will one day be regarded as the pinnacle of American civilization.
Speaking of integrity, the 24 Hours of LeMons Supreme Court has plenty! I’ve been making special commemorative BRIBED stencils to spray on the cars of teams that grease the gears of justice, and this weekend’s racers got a Houston-centric version that I’m sure they’ll prize for years to come (or until they repaint their cars, which happens every few months).
We had some good themes and costumes on the cars, including this puzzling Whoopie Cushion/Daisy Duke/Big Foam Cowboy Hats arrangement on a Texasified BMW 2002 (they claim it’s a 1602, but the engine is out of a 320i, which de-1600-izes the thing). What does it mean?
Also puzzling were the Scary Clowns. I hope they wear these outfits all weekend!
We set a new record for Fieros at a single race, with three showing up this time. One has an original 2.8 V6, one has a Lumina 3.4 V6, and this Fierrari has a late-model 3.8 V6. Sure, Fieros always blow up in LeMons, but we still love them.
That’s because the Fiero is the American mid-engined sports car!


It’s late and I have to get up painfully early to inspect the 20 or so cars whose teams didn’t have their act together well enough to make it through today’s inspections, so I’ll leave you with this timelapse video showing most of the cars that did make it through our gauntlet today. Check in tomorrow for live coverage from Judge Sajeev!

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24 Comments on “Fieros, SHOs, and TTAC Hacks: BS Inspections at the Yeehaw It’s Texas 24 Hours of LeMons...”


  • avatar
    Jack Baruth

    Forgot to point out that I’m rolling in a 2011 Ford Crown Victoria LX. I also don’t really approve of what’s going on with my shorts in the first picture.

    • 0 avatar
      BigDuke6

      I was gonna ask: whose Crown Vic hood were you dancing on? I’ll bet that left a mark……

    • 0 avatar
      ClutchCarGo

      Have you already been sentenced to wearing jorts?

    • 0 avatar

      Nobody approves of what’s going on with your shorts in the first picture.

    • 0 avatar
      doug-g

      You have good reason for concern with your shorts, Jack, your legs are whiter than Matt Hardigree. I’m going to help you with this without resorting to that horrid sudden tan crap that Bob Lutz uses that makes him look like a Sunkist orange in a Ralph’s market.

      You’d never know it by looking at me (you’d know it by looking at my sister) but, my Mother was a model – department store work, not the high profile, big buck jobs. As such, she could teach graduate level courses in tanning. Her motto is, “a good tan is nothing more than the sunshine kissing healthy skin”. (Yes, we often stare at her like she’s nuts.) Thus, the secret is to get your skin in good shape for a couple of days with a good body lotion. We like Gold Bond. Once your skin is healthy the tan comes pretty easy. If you burn the first couple of times just take a hot shower and put on body lotion. A couple of good burns give a good base to build on. No need to bother with the tanning gels. This also keeps your skin from wrinkling as time goes on so you’ll still be turning on the babes when you hit 75 and retire to Miami…plus, most will be widows by then and have lots of disposable income.

    • 0 avatar
      Sinistermisterman

      Meh, whiter than white legs are nothing to be ashamed of (I know, I’m British). The main thing is that posing like that whilst wearing shorts can sometimes expose other things all together. And fortunately you’re covered.

      • 0 avatar
        doug-g

        The main thing is that posing like that whilst wearing shorts can sometimes expose other things all together.

        I tend to look at the big picture and not notice the little things. :)

  • avatar
    BlisterInTheSun

    Sajeev dressed like an Indian just won the Internet.

  • avatar
    ciddyguy

    Ach! the Rum bottle, such a waste! :-)

    Sounded like fun was had and you Muralee, looked much TOO happy in that photo in the bar. ;-)

    Have fun!

    • 0 avatar

      That ain’t Murilee there with Jack ‘n’ Sajeev. That’s Union Major General Ambrose Burnside. Here’s another shot of the Major General.
      http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.civilwaracademy.com/images/ambrose-burnside.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.civilwaracademy.com/ambrose-burnside.html&h=600&w=450&sz=44&tbnid=5CxBSoJFLWwLTM:&tbnh=91&tbnw=68&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dambrose%2Bburnside%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=ambrose+burnside&docid=8rWbaeUi2ORVGM&sa=X&ei=tDKJTrGRD-Pe0QHS6NjeDw&ved=0CDgQ9QEwAg&dur=250

  • avatar
    Scoutdude

    With a 3.8 we might have a Fiero that is a contender or at least makes it through the race.

    • 0 avatar
      Educator(of teachers)Dan

      Yeah it might not actually crap out with Buick power!

    • 0 avatar
      PunisherBass

      Actually, while 3.8′s are almost unkillable, I’ve noticed that they get very unhappy when taken out of their natural environment. Put one in a car that didn’t have one originally and seem to have nothing but problems.

      There’s been several Series II powered Fiero’s in LeMons, and none of them made it through without blowing up. From what I’ve heard, it’s the cooling system that’s the weak link in the Fiero.

      • 0 avatar
        Scoutdude

        Yeah if they try to cool it with a radiator that wasn’t up to the underpowered output of the 2.8 then yes you’ll almost certainly guarantee that overheating problems will occur.

  • avatar
    Detroit-Iron

    “The fact that I’ve been judging for the 24 Hours of LeMons for more than three years, with LeMons Chief Perp Jay Lamm handing me rapid fire louie like Rambo got bullets, has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Mr. Lamm is The Greatest Race Promoter Who Ever Walked The Earth (indeed, he is one of the Giants of Motorsport), nor does it alter my certainty that the 24 Hours of LeMons will one day be regarded as the pinnacle of American civilization.”

    I am glad to see that TTAC would never compromise its journalistic integrity for a few bucks.

  • avatar
    AlienProbe

    My God! The themes on some of those cars are astounding. <3 <3 <3 I would cry foul on the MG there… but it would be nice to see it win too. Yay for mixed feelings. Oh, and mad props for Red Stripe Beer sponsorship on the car.

  • avatar
    dvp cars

    ……gun totin’, notoriously corruptible, (and obviously inebriated) officials, nightmare-inducing clowns, and scantily clad paparazzi/entrants wantonly trashing their rental cars! This LeMons circus is looking less like a family event every day. Parental Guidance labelling may soon be required. By the way, is it true that your season ending banquet is held at a certain adult entertainment “ranch” in Nevada…….if so, when, and how much are tickets?

  • avatar

    Does Sanjay really play drums? Maybe he could do a medley of pow-wow and raga beats.

    • 0 avatar
      Jack Baruth

      Sanjay and Sajeev *both* play the drums; Saturday night, about twelve hours after that picture was taken, we played to an absolutely packed house in Houston and I was lucky enough to have both Mehta brothers in the rhythm section. It was like an outsourced Dream Theater.

  • avatar
    Birddog

    Murilee appears to be living the charmed life of an Illinois governor! Way to go!!

  • avatar
    dvp cars

    ……any competition where rapaciously greedy scrutineers routinely run out of those “bribed” stencils is sure to hit the FIA’s radar eventually. Flaunting their ill-gotten lucre in the photos seems particularly unwise.


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