#Dogs

If you see something, say something. That's what they say.

Well, I've seen something problematic lately, and now I feel like it's time to use this platform to put a PSA out into the world.

Uber is testing pet pricing in North America to see if it can minimize surprise cancellations stemming from unexpected animal passengers while simultaneously hoping to make itself some money. The program, entitled Uber Pet, launches in select cities on October 16th and tacks on a small surcharge while giving drivers the right to refuse service in advance.

As difficult as it is to believe, not everyone loves animals — and even fewer like having strange ones making a mess of their personal vehicle. One of the most common complaints among Uber drivers is people bringing aboard pets unannounced.

The benign mental illness that is pet ownership leaves those affected by it perpetually concerned with the well-being of non-human animals. Creatures are fed, groomed, and spoken to in pleasant tones as frequently as possible to ensure their existence is as stress free and safe as possible. Knowing that pets cannot reside in your lap while you’re driving — no matter how much you’d like for them to — Land Rover figures they can still ride in the lap of luxury and is offering a series of dog-focused accessories.

This is a one-two punch from the brand, as it allows for Land Rover to sell marked-up items to dog owners (which account for roughly half its customers) while also including those lovable little scamps in their marketing materials. Subaru has been working the dog angle for some time now and it has resulted in some of the most viral car-ads of the 21st century while simultaneously helping to solidify its friendly persona.

Clearly aware of this, Land Rover created a one-minute advertisement featuring the products and encouraged viewers to share it. In the clip, two dogs arrive in the back of a Discovery and attempt to impress a third dog they’d both like to have sex with. Don’t worry, the only action they show are of the new products being used.

There are few things that offer the same kind of trivial gratification as a photograph of a dog behind the wheel of an automobile. Assaulting several different pleasure centers of the brain simultaneously, the image of a dog driving a car is objectively perfect. Even thinking about it just now probably caused a positive reaction in your mind.

It’s as endearing as it is hilarious. Subaru developed an entire ad campaign around the concept and other groups have used similar tactics — resulting in viral videos and critical acclaim. However, as great as a dog pretending to drive a car is, there are few things less infuriating than when someone allows their dog to sit on their lap whilst operating a motor vehicle.

Apparently, I’m not alone in this opinion, as a bill has been introduced to crack down on this highly specific form of distracted driving.

Someone needs to tell the product planners at Nissan to stop browsing Reddit. Someone also needs to tell them that most canines have remarkably poor credit ratings, because the newest Nissan Rogue Dogue concept — revealed Tuesday ahead of the 2017 New York International Auto Show — is very clearly for the dogs.

I envy the copywriter who wrote the press release, as they likely waited a lifetime to use the words “side wall mounted poop bag dispenser” in a professional capacity. Sigh.

It was Sunday. Sunday was coffee day.

Gus knew some things, not everything, but he knew enough. He knew that the passenger seat in the old Malibu was his. He knew that when it rained his hips ached, and that in the hot months the floor of the kitchen felt good against his stomach. He knew that he was safe, loved and he knew Sunday was coffee day.

During the week, Stefanie usually brewed a small pot at home before work, but after she had gotten the old Chevy roadworthy, she had made a habit of driving to the diner on Sundays to get a cup of coffee. It kept the car from sitting and Gus loved it.

Stef would get up, attend to her morning routine, and then she would back the red ’66 out of the garage and let it warm up. While it idled, she would slip back inside, grab her purse and call for Gus. He would trot to the passenger side and wait for the door. Stef would let him in, roll down the passenger window, and hop in the driver’s seat.

Once at the diner, Stef would go inside for her coffee. She would speak to the regulars, occasionally engaging in an extended conversation about the unrestored ‘Boo, and more often than not, Gus would get a small slice of bacon or another treat from the woman behind the counter. Another nap on the way home and he would spend the rest of the day in the corner of the living room on a dog bed that was as old as he was.

Mark writes:

Hi Sajeev and Steve,

Sajeev tried to save me once before but I didn’t listen. Maybe this time I will. Last year, I bought a bomb of a project and he did his best to scare me away. He saw the monstrosity in person. That monster being the 1995 Ford Bronco I bought on a whim. We talked on the phone before I purchased the OJ Bronco. Sajeev told me to avoid it like the plague. Yet, I didn’t listen. I got burned. I owned it for less than 6 months (3 of those months being spent in my garage) before selling it to an offroader in Ohio.

But, now I am in a different situation…

I am back in Canada where gas is significantly more expensive (very unlike cheap Houston Texas gas). My girlfriend and I will be in the market soon for a vehicle and we have the following criteria:

1) Fun to drive: must be a manual, preferably RWD or AWD, and a bit chuckable (not in the “chuck it in the garbage” sense of the Bronco).
2) Practicality: I don’t need a gas guzzler. Something efficient. Two doors are doable. Four doors are better. Wagon or hatch is best. However, it must have enough room for my girlfriend and I, plus two black Labrador mixes (see cute doggy brothers picture).
3) Utility: It needs to be able to tow two motorcycles (~400lbs each) and trailer. Also, we need another room for camping gear, even when the dogs are with us.
4) Realistic: We have finite funds (like most people) so we would definitely be going for something used, under $8000. I couldn’t care less what badge is on the front.

Thanks,
Mark