#CarCrime

Over $120,000 in tires and wheels were stolen off vehicles parked at Matt Bowers Chevrolet in Slidell, Louisiana, on Saturday night — an impressive feat, you have to admit. According to various local reports, surveillance footage shows two subjects walking across the parking lot in order to cut the locks to a side entrance, where they brought in a U-Haul. Roughly 40 minutes later, the truck exited the lot onto a service road with more than 124 stolen rounds.

Based on the quick turnaround, authorities believe the suspects must have snuck onto the lot several hours earlier to prep the tires for transport. They’re operating under the impression that the individuals are likely from out of state and part of a ring that conducted similar crimes in Texas and Oklahoma.

On January 6th, local law enforcement reported that four kids enjoyed a night of destructive mayhem at a Houston-area CarMax dealership located in the 16100 block of the North Freeway. According to local reports, police were responding to a call where four young males were caught on video surveillance breaking into multiple vehicles. However, things got really interesting after officials learned the cars weren’t being stolen, but rather used to intentionally mangle other vehicles on the lot just for the thrill.

Police claim approximately $800,000 in damages after the group managed to intentionally wreck nearly two dozen automobiles. While none of the suspects’ names have been released, it’s probably safe to assume rowdy teens — mankind’s greatest foe — are to blame.

Airbag crime is on the rise around the country, according to the National Insurance Crime Bureau (NICB) and a recent report from USA Today. However, the latter of the two sources claims the issue is exponentially worse for Honda owners and nobody has any idea why.

“There’s no way for us to really know because owners don’t report to us when parts have been stolen,” Honda spokesman Chris Martin told the news outlet. “But we are certainly not unaware of the fact that Hondas have been a target of parts theft for many years simply based on the popularity of models in this market.”

Earlier this week a man wielding a sledgehammer walked into the Dallas Police Department’s motorpool and started swinging. The city’s Police Association claims the man wailed on 12 cars at the Central Division station on South Hall Street in Deep Ellum at roughly 5:20 in the morning on February 4th.

The man, 58-year-old Gregory Simpson, apparently entered the police station parking lot through an unsecured gate and started hitting the first police car in sight. By the time he was stopped, he’d caused an estimated $4,900 in damage. Had he not focused primarily on windshields, that figure probably could have come up a bit. But, as breaking glass is one of life’s simple pleasures, his focus was understandable. Why he chose to vent his frustrations on parked squad cars is not, however.

You probably never thought you’d see the day when you could look into the eyes of your child and tell them, in your most comforting tone, “Fear not, my dear sweet offspring, the dark clouds that once covered our great nation are breaking. Tailgate thefts have declined slightly this year and we can now see light at the end of the tunnel.”

However, as unbelievable as it sounds, that time has finally come. According to the National Insurance Crime Bureau (NICB), reports of insured tailgate thefts have stabilized since 2014. In fact, such crimes actually decreased by around 5 percent in 2017.

Throughout the 20th century, there have been three social ideologies that looked appetizing on paper, but ultimately proved toxic in practice. I am of course talking about fascism, communism, and the homeowners association. While we’ve successfully managed to keep the former two restrained in North America, the dreaded homeowners association has persisted — borrowing heavily from the worst parts of both fascism and communism to enforce an arbitrary pettiness upon regular folks everywhere.

This month, “everywhere” just so happens to be a California neighborhood where the local HOA is forcing residents keep their garages open all day. Apparently the Auburn Greens complex in Auburn, California found out that a single resident had been caught allowing people to sleep in their garage. To ensure this never happens again, the homeowners association has mandated all residents leave their automotive bays open between the hours of 8 a.m. an 4 p.m. or receive a $200 fine.

Four officers from the Detroit Police Department pleaded guilty to extortion charges this week, with another two being indicted, after receiving bribes from body shops looking for stolen and abandoned vehicles obtained by the city. Federal investigators have been looking into the scheme, which involves shops collecting thousands of dollars from insurance companies for unnecessary repairs, for well over a year.

The accused officers are believed to have reported stolen or abandoned vehicles to a single towing company, rather than police dispatch. From there, the towing service would pay them a $50 to $100 “finders fee” before notifying the car’s owner that it had been stolen and sustained unspecified damages. Fortunately, the towing service always knew of a repair shop that would “waive the deductible.”

The cars were then stripped so the claims adjuster could quote the vehicle for thousands of dollars in damages.

Florida lawmakers are pushing a new bill that would make it illegal to have your car stolen if you haven’t bothered to take the keys out of the ignition. While accidentally prepping a car for prospective thieves is easily one of the dumbest things you can do, making it illegal to leave it running while you pop in to buy a pack of gum sets us up for a nice slippery slope argument.

Last week, State Representative Wengay Newton and Senator Perry Thurston introduced matching proposals (House Bill 927 and Senate Bill 1112) that would make leaving your car unattended without stopping the engine, locking the ignition, and removing the key a second-degree misdemeanor. Under the Florida statute, the crime would be punishable with a $500 fine and up to 60 days in jail.

There wasn’t anything particularly bizarre happening within the automotive realm last week, so our Freaky Friday posting was absent from its usual rotation. However, while our writing staff was finishing its day, two car thieves threw a Hail Mary of weirdness down the field for a touchdown.

A beige Chevrolet Suburban owned by a contractor working for Daniel & Sons Funeral Home was transporting a corpse when witnesses claim 28-year-old Tanya Albrecht stole it from a convenience store parking lot in Bryan, Texas. The SUV had been left unattended with the keys in the ignition, presumably because the owner assumed nobody would want to steal a car with a dead body in the back.

If I’ve learned anything from Steph Willems, its that choosing the correct subject matter is half the battle in setting-up a solid Freaky Friday post. This one checks all the important boxes: young love, restraining orders, celebrity involvement, grand theft auto, gambling, expensive automobiles, and a curse-laden freakout ending in arrest.

Conrad Hilton, the 23-year-old brother of professional … uh, celebrity (I guess) … Paris Hilton, was charged with felony auto theft this week after allegedly stealing a Bentley Continental over the weekend. He was picked up by police in front of the Hollywood Hills home of his ex-girlfriend, Hunter Salomon, who had previously issued a restraining order against him.

The stolen Bentley belonged to Hunter’s father, Rick Salomon. If that name sounds familiar, he’s the man that won $2.8 million in the World Series of Poker in 2014, made a sex-tape with Paris in 2003, sued the Hilton family for deformation, and then began distributing the video himself a year later.

The cyber security firm Rapid7 recently recently informed the Hyundai Motor Company that its Blue Link smartphone application might be exposing its customers to an unsavory element — serving up another reminder that convenience frequently comes at a cost.

Software vulnerabilities in the app allowed Blue Link-equipped vehicles to be unlocked and even started remotely, making them susceptible to theft from high-tech criminals for a period of three months until the company finally fixed the bug in March. Hyundai says that is is unaware of any mishaps stemming from the issue.

There is a new form of embarrassment for rule-breakers of the parking variety. It’s an irremovable suction-based clamshell blindfold for your car that inconveniences you to the point of having to cooperate with authorities.

Devised by Barnacle Parking as a friendlier alternative to the infamous “boot,” the device is already being tested in a few American cities and might one day make it to yours.

Three Kansas City teenagers took a dream road trip last Friday, only to crash a stolen Dodge Challenger Hellcat and two Charger Hellcat sedans less than a mile down the road.

That, Toyota is finally considering a long-range electric vehicle, Jaguar’s deal with Silverstone goes off-track, and AutoNation is staying put where it is.

In terms of the most basic adult behaviors, not leaving your keys in the car falls right behind feeding yourself without help and going to the bathroom like a big boy. It’s an uncomplicated concept that can be easily adhered to by anyone who has access to hands.

Despite this, one out of every eight vehicles stolen in the U.S. had the keys left inside by a person that society somehow deemed fit to operate a motor vehicle. Common sense is on a steady decline — and it’s a boon for thieves.

Not all car owners carry a gun, but most gun owners still use cars to get around. If you happen to have both, you may want to reconsider what you do with one when you park the other — especially depending on where you live.

Compared to your home, cars are much easier for thieves to gain access and they are infinitely easier to steal. When your car is stolen, everything inside goes with it. The Trace, a nonprofit news organization dedicated to expanding coverage of gun violence in the United States, recently reported on a study showing the number of firearms stolen from vehicles and what cities have it the worst.