Ask Bark Brief: What's as Great as a G8?

Cory writes:

My 2009 Pontiac G8 GT is finally getting to the mileage where a replacement may soon be needed. It has 103,000 miles on the odometer but still runs fine and has not been abused. Just the random aging that comes with a high mileage car that I’d prefer not to deal with (headliner coming down, seats lacking support, ride getting softer, leather on steering wheel coming off, side mirror motors not working, dents and dings). I’d love to go the SS route, but can’t support the price tag. I need four doors and like larger vehicles — new Chevy Malibu Hybrid, new Mazda 6, Acura TLX, used Volvo S60 (doesn’t hold resale), used Maxima (ditto)?

I know, none will be as fun as the G8 (I love it), but it’s time to update.

Ugh, this letter depresses me. Why? Read on.

For those of you who don’t know, I used to own a 2009 Pontiac G8. It should have been a great car — 6.0 liter V8 engine, 361 horsepower and 385 lb-ft of torque, and a huge cabin and trunk. Aggressively styled, and gorgeous in White Hot paint with 19-inch rims, the G8 always got a second or even third look from passersby.

And it was a performer, too. I got FTD at a rainy autocross with it once in completely stock trim against prepped Corvettes and S2000s — I’m still convinced that a national F Stock trophy was possible with it.

So why didn’t I keep it? Because the fucking thing broke all the time. I had a cylinder go down. The camshaft broke. Lower control arms bent like they were made from Twizzlers. Parts were nearly impossible to get, often taking a month or more to make their way across the ocean from Australia.

And yet I’m glad that I got rid of it before even more the typical GM quality control reared its ugly head. Headliner coming down? Leather wearing off the wheel? Mirrors not working? FFS, GM! This is a seven-year-old car. At seven years of age, an Accord or Camry is just entering its prime — just ask any TTAC commenter! And yet this poor man is still dreaming of buying a Chevrolet SS. The LS meth is strong, apparently.

After reading what you want from your car, none of the cars on your list make much sense. All of them are going to be considerably slower than your G8, not just in a straight line but around any amount of turns. And you don’t seem to have been particularly bothered by the interior quality of the G8 or the low level of tech. There’s only one right answer.

What you want, sir, is a Dodge Charger R/T. Similar power numbers to your G8, and adjusting for inflation, an R/T Hemi is less money than any G8 GT ever was. And, if you can find one, Dodge stores are offering 20 percent off of 2016 models and up to $3,000 bonus cash. That could make your actual transaction price around $25,000 for a V8-powered, rear-wheel drive, American sedan — and this one is brand new.

To me, it’s a no-brainer. Let’s see if the B&B agrees.

Bark M. would love to recommend that everybody own a V8-powered car at one point in his/her life. Preferably twice. Send him your emails at barkm302@gmail.com or follow him on the Twitters and InstaFaceChat.