Wishing You A Sweet, Healthy CT5775

Derek Kreindler
by Derek Kreindler
wishing you a sweet healthy ct5775

If nothing else, Johan De Nysschen has a tried and true playbook: move the company’s headquarters and revamp the nomenclature of their product lineup. How well did it work for Infiniti? Well, can *you* recite their product lineup without looking at their website?

Alphanumeric combinations never work as a remedy for lagging sales or poor brand image. Acura is still catching heat for abandoning Legend, Vigor and Integra. Nobody knows what a QX80, a Q70L or a Q50 is – and even though the whole “Q” structure was supposed to harken back to the flagship Q45, the Q40 is now a lame-duck G37 being sold as Infiniti’s entry-level product. At least until the Q30 arrives, and even then that’s a Mercedes-Benz CLA, which is…

The current Cadillac naming structure, which is a banal cipher of alphabetical combinations, is apparently not good enough, so adding a number after an arbitrary two-letter sequence will fix things. What won’t fix them? Revamping their too high prices, re-engineering the godawful CUE system, fixing the tiny backseat and the heinous gauge cluster on the ATS, which is the one part that literally stares the driver in the face at all times, but looks like it was harvested from a G-Body Buick Skylark.

The Cadillac name change is nothing more than re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. With sales slumping in a growing luxury market, bloated inventories, a failed push to expand in Europe (despite no strategy, no appropriate product and no diesel engines) and no discernible strategy beyond moving to pricey digs in Manhattan, Cadillac is the Sick Man of The Ren Cen. The name change reminds me of the old Jewish folk remedy where gravely ill children were called “Alter”, which means “old” in Yiddish, which would ostensibly make them older, allowing them to bypass typical childhood ailments that could cause death or serious incapacitation. It didn’t work in the shtetl, and it’s not going to work in 21st century America either.

Speaking of which, it’s also the Jewish New Year. According to the Bible, it’s the year 5775 – except in Cadillac’s new HQ, where it’s the year CT5765. Maybe that’s what they’ll call the new Escalade.

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  • VenomV12 VenomV12 on Sep 27, 2014

    As much as I bemoan Cadillac, they are honestly not that bad, although JdN's naming scheme is garbage. They are good looking cars other than that awful permanent light nonsense going on with the front ends, that is tacky, but otherwise the cars are not bad. The pricing needs to go back to reality though and the backseat room needs to expand with both the ATS and CTS. If they priced it right and did those things they will be fine. I don't love the new Escalade, but since it has no real natural competitor in ESV form, it does not really matter right now. If they want to charge the current prices, then the car needs to come up properly to the standards of the other cars in their price range. If the E-Class gets updated in the same manner that the S-Class and C-Class did, then Cadillac is in major trouble, BMW and Audi too to an extent.

  • Calmaro Calmaro on Sep 30, 2014

    To speak the sounds 'C - T - Six' our mouths and lips widen and we bare our teeth in a smile. Nomenclature is more than graphics-- it's vocals...

  • Statikboy Those tires are the Wrong Size.
  • Mustangfast I had an 06 V6 and loved that car. 230k trouble free miles until I sold it. I remember they were criticized for being too small vs competitors but as a single guy it was the right size for me. I recall the 2.3 didn’t have a reputation for reliability, unlike the V6 and I4. I think it likely didn’t take off due to the manual-only spec, price tag, and power vs the V6 engine and the way it delivered that power. It was always fun to see the difference between these and normal ones, since these were made in Japan whereas all others were flat rock
  • VoGhost Earth is healing.
  • ToolGuy "Having our 4th baby and decided a camper van is a better use of our resources than my tuner."Seller is in the midst of some interesting life choices.Bonus: Here are the individuals responsible for doing the work on this vehicle.
  • MaintenanceCosts Previous owner playing engineer by randomly substituting a bunch of components, then finding out. No thanks.