Knock, Knock? Who's There? Not A Future Cadillac XLR

Jack Baruth
by Jack Baruth
knock knock whos there not a future cadillac xlr

The Red Pants Douchebag Marketing Garden Party debut of Cadillac’s Elmiraj concept was hugely exciting for everyone naive enough to think that Cadillac might be able to whip up a $100K rear-wheel-drive monster coupe with whatever funds they saved by plopping the XTS on top of the LaCrosse. I thought it looked great myself. As an American, I’m very proud of the fact that General Motors can fearlessly create a one-off prototype of the kind of highly improbable flagship that Mercedes has been nonchalantly building since the W126 SEC came out. Come to think of it, that W126 coupe came out just before Cadillac turned the Eldorado into a car that managed to be about as physically big as a current Sonata while appearing to be the same size as the current Accent. Goodbye Cadillac, hello Mercedes. Changing of the guard and all that.

Those of us who remain fans of the brand yet have some minor understanding of the auto business understand that the Elmiraj is about zero percent “El” and about one hundred percent mirage. Fair enough. But what about a new XLR that kind of looks like an Elmiraj? There’s a new Corvette, and the old, old (C5) Corvette spawned the XLR, so perhaps something could be done there?


Not so fast. Speaking to Fox News, Corvette chief engineer Tadge Jeuchter crushed the dreams of up to one hundred people, most of whom are the spouses of GM dealer principals, when he said that “This is a Corvette, it’s optimized for the Corvette market… there’s no intent to offer any other nameplate, aside from the Corvette.”

Sounds fairly definitive, doesn’t it? Still, this is GM, so there’s always hope that they’ll change their minds and develop the thing halfway through the model cycle of the C7 or something, right?

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  • MRF 95 T-Bird MRF 95 T-Bird on Aug 24, 2013

    Back in the late 80's early 90's when the Allante, Reatta and Corvette were GM's halo cars and the low-end sports-commuter Fiero was living up to its name by self-imolating on the road. I remember seeing an article in one of the car magazines saying that each GM division would have its own unique two-seater covering appropriate price ranges. It even had a picture of a prototype Olds 2-seater, since they were the only division that did not have one. In fact Olds never had a 2-seat coupe unless you include the Business coupe. It looked like a cross between a Trofeo, an Allante and a Reatta. Most likely it was based on the E-body which those cars were based on.

  • BklynPete BklynPete on Aug 26, 2013

    Yes, it is Brian Wilson. And I believe that's Mrs. Wilson. Some context of what they're doing in this picture would be nice.

  • Jeff S This would be a good commuter vehicle especially for those working in a large metropolitan area. The only thing is that by the time you put airbags, backup cameras, and a few of the other required safety features this car would no longer be simple and the price would be not much cheaper than a subcompact. I like the idea but I doubt a car like this would get marketed in anyplace besides Europe and the 3rd World.
  • ScarecrowRepair That's what I came to say!
  • Inside Looking Out " the plastic reinforced with cotton waste used on select garbage vehicles assembled by the Soviet Union. "Wrong. The car you are talking about was the product German engineering, East German. It's name was Trabant.
  • Inside Looking Out To me it looks like French version of Hummer. The difference is that while American Hummer projects power French little Oli projects weakness.That vehicle reflects the bleak future for EU. For now they have to survive coming winter but in general population collapse it coming soon, Europeans will be gone in the long run. Only artifacts like this concept and legends will remind us about advanced and proud civilization that populated that small continent the civilization that in the end lacked will to exist.
  • Conundrum "the plastic reinforced with cotton waste used on select garbage vehicles assembled by the Soviet Union." Nah, wrong. But it's Posky, so should I be surprised? That body material, Duroplast, was invented by Germans, used on the East German Trabant car and dulled many a saw blade when trying to cut it.https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/DuroplastThe Soviets made regular sheet tin cars. Nothing fancy, they just worked, like Soviet farm tractors you could repair with a pipe wrench and a 14 lb maul. They exported quite a few to Canada in the '60s and '70s and people used to swear by them.I suppose this new Citroen Ollie has LED lights. If they fail, does one go to the Dollarama for a $1 flashlight, then rip out and use those LED "bulbs" for a repair?I think this Ollie thing is off the rails. The Citroen 2CV was ingenious, both in chassis and especially suspension design and execution, but where's the innovation in this thing? Processed cardboard panels, when corrugated tin, a Citroen and Junkers favorite fascination would be just fine. Updated with zinc coating from circa 1912 and as used in garbage cans and outdoor wash tubs ever since, the material lasts for decades. Citroen chose not to zinc plate their 2CVs, just as the car industry only discovered the process in the mid 1980s, lagging garbage can manufacturers by three-quarters of acentury, with Japan holding out until the mid '90s. Not many 1995 Accords still around.This Ollie thing is a swing and a complete miss, IMO. Silly for silly's sake, but that's the modern day automotive designer for you. Obsessed with their own brilliance, like BMW and Toyota's crews creating mugs/maws only a catfish could love, then claiming it's for "brand identity" when people take offense at ugly and say so. They right, you wrong. And another thing -- hell, Ford in the 1950s, if not well before, and innumberable Australians found that a visor stuck out from the roof over the windshield keeps the sun out when necessary, but Citroen delivers first class BS that an upright windshield is the solution. And as GM found out in their newly-introduced late 1930s transit buses, flat windshields are bad for reflections, so they actually changed to a rearward slanting windshield.This design reeks of not applying already learned lessons, instead coming up with useless new "ideas" of almost zero merit. But I'm sure they're proud of themselves, and who gives a damn about history, anyway? "We new young whiz kids know better".
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