Porsche's Net Profit Soars 52 Percent. Or More.

Bertel Schmitt
by Bertel Schmitt
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porsche s net profit soars 52 percent or more
Hedge fund fornicator Luxury car maker Porsche has just announced their numbers for their last 2007/2008 fiscal. You guessed it: while the rest of the world is retching in the WC, Porsche’s profits are up a pornographic 52 percent. “The Stuttgart-based maker of the ass-engined sports car 911, IMS- challenged Boxster/Cayman and Cayenne SUV reported a net profit of nearly 6.4b Euros ($8.2b) for the year that ended July 31. That’s compared to the 4.2b Euros Porsche earned in the 2006-2007 year,” tickers The Associated Press to the world’s flabbergasted financial editors. The numbers are so mind-blowing that there are different accounts of the accounting data. The Wall Street Journal has on its wire that Porsche’s profits “soared 46% to €8.57 billion Euros, or about $10.9 billion.” (The €8.57b number is repeated by Deutsche Welle, the €6.4b figure is popular with Bloomberg. We’ll see. A few billion more or less don’t matter, we guess. Mum’s the word on Porsche’s Investors Relations page. We’ll probably have to wait until Monday, after they are done partying. Meanwhile…

Whatever the true profits may be, the boys from Zuffenhausen are a good deal closer to making more profits than sales. “Eighty percent of their profits “came not from making cars but from sophisticated financial instruments connected to a protracted takeover bid Porsche Automobil Holding SE has been pursuing for a company many times its size, Volkswagen AG,” sez the WSJ. Wouldn’t it have been for the nasty “development costs related to its upcoming Panamera line, along with work on a hybrid drive for the Cayenne and more fuel-efficient engines,” Porsche probably would have made a profit of more than 100 percent of sales. Darn.

In tune with current couture, profit pornographer Porsche slipped into their announcement the usual language about “the current economic situation, which is extremely tense due to the U.S. mortgage crisis and the financial market crisis.” Their sales are unshattered by these seismic effects: Porsche sales are up 1.2 percent to 98,652 units, or 1.3 percent to €7.5b – that according to AP. Using the AP numbers for a minute, Porsche makes a profit of $82,390 on every car, tricking more fools to enter this business. Readers of the WSJ will think Porsche clears $110,489 on every car, prodding them into committing suicide, because they had listened to Cramer in 2006 and loaded up on GM when it was cheap.

Bertel Schmitt
Bertel Schmitt

Bertel Schmitt comes back to journalism after taking a 35 year break in advertising and marketing. He ran and owned advertising agencies in Duesseldorf, Germany, and New York City. Volkswagen A.G. was Bertel's most important corporate account. Schmitt's advertising and marketing career touched many corners of the industry with a special focus on automotive products and services. Since 2004, he lives in Japan and China with his wife <a href="http://www.tomokoandbertel.com"> Tomoko </a>. Bertel Schmitt is a founding board member of the <a href="http://www.offshoresuperseries.com"> Offshore Super Series </a>, an American offshore powerboat racing organization. He is co-owner of the racing team Typhoon.

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  • Kurt. Kurt. on Nov 10, 2008

    Heil Porsche! How refreshing for a company to do what's best...for the company! Who would have thought we'd see that in the auto industry? I bet every Porsche employee sleeps better knowing that the company is strong and can pay its promises. German (and EU) leaders must be overjoyed at the estimated 3 billion in taxes they will get from the small auto industry in Zuffenhausen. Think of how many will be funded with that kind of money - money that won't have to come out of the "little guys" pocket. Money that can be saved so "the little guy" can ...buy a PORSCHE!

  • Njoneer Njoneer on Nov 10, 2008

    You missed the big-picture auto industry impact in Porsche's reported profits: Porsche is the World's Most Profitable Auto Company in spite of the auto business. The stock market game they won had nothing to do with their core business of selling sports cars. Every other auto company is reporting reduced sales and reduced profits. Toyota even lost money in North America for the last 2 quarters. The Truth is that the global auto industry stinks. There is no way to make money in the auto biz, except for Porsche's leveraged takeover of VW.

  • Carsofchaos Bike lanes are in use what maybe 10 to 12 hours a day? The other periods of the day they aren't in use whatsoever. A bike can carry one person and a vehicle can carry multiple people. It's very simple math to figure out that a bike lane in no way shape or form will handle more people than cars will.The bigger issue is double parked delivery vehicles. They are often double parked and taking up lanes because there are cars parked on the curb. You combine that with a bike lane and pedestrians Crossing wherever they feel like it and it's a recipe for disaster. I think if we could just go back to two lanes of traffic things would flow much better. I started coming to the city in 2003 before a lot of these bike lanes were implemented and the traffic is definitely much worse now than it was back then. Sadly at this point I don't really think there is a solution but I can guarantee that congestion pricing will not fix this problem.
  • Charles When I lived in Los Angeles I saw a 9-5 a few times and instanly admired the sweeping low slug aerodynamic jet tech influenced lines and all that beautiful glass. The car was very different from what I expected from a Saab even though the 900 Turbo was nice. A casual lady friend had a Saab Sonnet, never drove or rode in it but nonetheless chilled my enthusiasm and I eventually forgot about Saabs. In the following years I have had seven Mercedes's, three or four Jaguars even two Daimlers both the 250 V-8 and the massive and powerful Majestic Major. Daily drivers of a brand new 300ZX 2+2 and Lincolns, plus a few diesel trucks. Having moved to my big farm in central New York, trucks and SUV's are the standard, even though I have a Mercedes S500 in one of my barns. Due to circumstances with my Ford Explorer and needing a second driver I found the 2006 9-5 locally. Very little surface rust, none undercarriage, original owner, garage kept, wife driver and all the original literature and a ton of paid receipts and history. The car just turned 200,000 miles and I love it. Feels new like I'm back in my Nissan 300ZX with a lot more European class and ready power with the awesome turbo. So fun to drive, the smooth power and torque is incredible! Great price paid to justify going through the car and giving her everything she needs, i.e., new tires, battery, all shocks, struts, control arms, timing chain and rust removable to come, plus more. The problem now is I want to restore it and likely put it in my concrete barn and only drive in good weather. As to the writer, Alex Dykes, I take great exception calling the 9-5 Saab "ugly," finding myself looking back at her beauty and uniqueness. Moreover, I get new looks from others not quite recognizing, like the days out west with my more expensive European cars. There are Saabs eclipsing 300K rourinely and one at a million miles and I believe one car with 500K on the original engine. So clearly, this is a keeper, in love already with my SportCombi. I want to be in that elite club.
  • Marky S. I own the same C.C. XSE Hybrid AWD as in this article, but in Barcelona Red with the black roof. I love my car for its size, packaging, and the fact that it offers both AWD and Hybrid technology together. Visibility is impressive, as is its small turning circle. I consider the C.C. more of a "station wagon" by proportion, rather than an “SUV.” It is fun to drive, with zippy response and perky pick-up. It is a pleasant car to drive and ride in. It is not trying to be a “Butch Off-Roader”, or a cosseting “Luxury Cruiser.” Those are not its goals or purpose. The Corolla Cross XSE Hybrid AWD is a wonderful All-Purpose Car (O.K. – “SUV” if you must hear me say it!) with a combination of all the features it has at a reasonable price.
  • Ernesto Perez There's a line in the movie Armageddon where Bruce Willis says " is this the best idea NASA came up with?". Don't quote me. I'm asking is this the best idea NY came up with? What's next? Charging pedestrians to walk in certain parts of the city? Every year the price for everything gets more expensive and most of the services we pay for gets worse. Obviously more money is not the solution. What we need are better ideas, strategies and inventions. You want to charge drivers in the city - then put tolls on the free bridges like the Brooklyn, Manhattan and Williamsburg bridges. There's always a better way or product. It's just the idiots on top think they know best.
  • Carsofchaos The bike lanes aren't even close to carrying "more than the car lanes replaced". You clearly don't drive in Midtown Manhattan on a daily like I do.