CNN News Bunny Advises Losers on Whip Selection

“Why should a female auto journalist give you advice on great date cars?” CNN reporter Sheryll Alexander asks herself. “Because as far as cars go, I know what turns a woman on and what really turns her off.” Is this some kind of lesbian thing? Anyway, these days, the majority of women “are rather picky when it comes to a guy's ride,” Alexander opines. “Your car really does send her all the right or wrong messages about how much money you make and what gets your engine running. Let's be honest, some girls just like a flashy ride too.” But Alexander counsels clueless men not to go overboard when picking out a four-wheeled babe magnet. “Most women are wary of extremes… I think personal integrity and animal-like chemistry should count way more than what kind of vehicle you drive, but I guess some guys feel that spending the extra money on a racy ride is certainly worth the dating gamble.” In the pursuit of journalistic insight– nothing to do with a personal desire to drive a bunch of sports cars for free we're sure– CNN’s self-appointed (anointed?) car guru gives us the low-down on cruisin' while cruisin':

Nissan 350Z Roadster: “Truly a he-man's ride come true whether girls like it or not.”

Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder: “Guys, you definitely can't go wrong with this one!”

Mercedes-Benz CL 550: “With the $100,000+ price tag, the ladies will definitely be swarming around this hive of vehicular comfort and luxury.”

Audi TT Roadster: “On the outside, the Audis… look truly sexy with their bubble-like hood, curvy haunches and wide back side. Yes, the Audi TT goes both ways as a great date car for both men and women.”

Porsche Cayman: “Just looking at the Cayman's curvy haunches, sexy sloping hood and racing rear spoiler would make any woman want to go for a ride.”