Glenn sent us a link to this list on oddee.com. And the winners are:
10. AMC Gremlin – Wikipedia: “Gremlin is an English folkloric creature, commonly depicted as mischievous and mechanically oriented, with a specific interest in aircraft. Although their origin is found in myths among airmen, claiming that the gremlins were responsible for sabotaging aircraft, John W. Hazen states that ’some people’ derive the name from the Old English word gremian, ‘to vex’. Since World War II, different fantastical creatures have been referred to as gremlins, bearing varying degrees of resemblance to the originals.” Such as . . . Howie Mandel. The AMC Gremlin wasn’t known as much for mechanical malfunctions as its questionable styling. That said the name didn’t stop 671,475 American and Canadian customers from buying one. Well, I assume it was one.
9. Dodge Swinger – Actually, it was the Dodge Dart Swinger. Which, I suppose, adds to the sexual connotations. But what’s wrong with that? Especially as the Swinger had the stones for the job. “The Swinger 340 was the lowest-priced high-performance Dodge in ‘69, and the 340 4-bbl. V8 delivering 275 hp with Rallye Suspension, wide tread tires, and Firm Ride shocks certainly delivered performance bang for the buck,” legacydiecast.com reports. ”The heavy-duty Rallye Suspension, Firm Ride shocks, and Red Line wide tread tires completed the package . . . Both the Swinger 340 and GTS proudly wore the distinctive ‘bumblebee stripes’ to claim their places of honor in the Dodge Scat Pack.” While Ella Fitzgerald fans would be happy with that term, I’m so sure how zoologists would take it.
8. Daihatsu Charade – For Americans, the name calls up images of a benefit to help pay for Cher’s cosmetic surgery. For Brits, it’s intellectual foreplay leading to a little late-night country house bed hopping. I take oddee’s point: “It’s not really a car, it’s just pretending!” But by 1977, most Americans were more familiar with the Talking Heads than . . . two words, first word, first two syllables, kill hat, stomp on hat, die hat! It could have been worse. Anyone remember the game Cootie? Kerplunk?
7. Honda Fitta – Yes, it’s true: “fitta” means “cunt” in Swedish and Norwegian. But Honda caught the mistake before launch and dropped the T&A for the U.S. market. Outside the U.S., Honda markets the car as the Jizz. I mean, Jazz. Under which the vocal technique scat falls. Spooky.
6. Opel Ascona – oddee says “ascona” means “female genitalia” in Northern Spain and parts of (I would have thought southern) Portugal. Is that an anatomical term, as opposed to, say, the aforementioned “cunt”? Online dictionaries aren’t much help here—an indication of electronic prurience rather than a gap in the hive’s collective knowledge. Perhaps the Best and Brightest would like to fill it—I mean us in.
5. Chevrolet Nova – Perhaps the most famous poorly named automobiles, meaning “doesn’t go” in Spanish. But oddee repeats a commonly held misconception: Chevy marketed the Nova as such in “Central and South America”. Not true. From ‘62 to ‘74, the model was called the “Chevy 400″ in Agentina. Until it was rechristened the “Malibu.” During its last year of production, it was the “Opus 78.”
4. Buick LaCrosse – Also notorious, this time for meaning “masturbation” in Quebec. Yes, well, it’s a pretty obscure piece of slang. You don’t find tens of thousands of male and female lacrosse (small “c”) players sniggering about whackin’ off, despite the obvious, infantile possibilities presented by a lacrosse stick with an ascona-like shaped net. To my mind, the real problem here is that lacrosse was American Indian’s ritualized warfare (complete with dead players). With the Buick Wildcat confined to the scrapheap of history, and Maximum Bob talking about the brand as a soft-riding Lexus competitor, I’m not seeing the intersect between name and reality.
3. Nissan Moco – oddee tells us that “moco” is Spanish slang for booger (again, the e-dictionaries take a pass). As the Moco was marketed in Japan, it’s no biggie. I am, however, wondering what oddee’s opprobrium means for the lyrics to Lady Marmelade’s Voulez Vous Coucher Avec Moi. ”Mocha chocalata ya ya?” Ew.
2. Mitsubishi Pajero – Wikipedia says the model was named after the “Leopardus pajeros, the Pampas Cat which inhabits the Patagonia plateau region in southern Argentina.” Yes, well, it’s the Spanish equivalent of LaCrosse. Again, the car was renamed for Spanish-speaking markets. In fact, “Thanks to their success, the Pajero, Montero and Shogun names were also applied to other, mechanically unrelated models, such as the Pajero Mini kei car, the Pajero Junior and Pajero iO/Pinin mini SUVs, and the Mitsubishi Pajero/Montero/Shogun Sport.”
1. Mazda LaPuta – oddee kind of messes this one up, by capitalizing the “p” (”LaPuta”). In fact, the vehicle was named after the flying island in Gulliver’s Travels, “a kingdom devoted to the arts of music and mathematics but utterly unable to use these for practical ends.” Not an auspicious name for car. And there’s no getting around this one: “puta” means whore in Spanish. Personally, I’m not so sure it’s an inappropriate name for a small Mazda. I called my Mazda GLC the english equivalent many times.
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The name Ford Aspire left no doubt that even Ford didn’t think you should be satisfied with it. Basically, it suggested an automotive placeholder that would have to do until you could afford something respectable.
Re. 6: People from Ascona (c.f. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ascona) will get a kick out of these explanations…
I had a Ford Probe GT back in the 90s; great car, unfortunate name.
Looking back, I guess it’s better they named it Probe rather than Mustang ;-)
Where’s the Ford Probe?
That was a doozy if there ever was one.
In fact, Ford in general seems to have a talent for picking out goofy car names. “Flex” just makes me think of the vehicle flexing like a piece of cooked broccoli. “Freestyle”? What exactly was so “freestyle” about that design? “Freestar”? WTF? “Pinto”? Was it named after pinto beans? Aspire was also certainly a dumb naming choice for an entry-level car.
This goofiness in nomenclature extends to GM also. In the wild, the impala is a fast, swift, agile antelope. The Chevy Impala, on the other hand, possesses none of those traits. And what exactly about the Chevy Malibu is supposed to conjure up images of Malibu, CA? Is the Chevy Cobalt supposed to make me think of its namesake (a blue, magnetic metal)? And while we’re at it, what the hell is up with the GMC “Jimmy”?
And don’t even get me started with the Plymouth Acclaim (which deserved no acclaim), the Dodge Spirit (which had no spirit save perhaps with the R/T trim line), the Chevy Citation (which should have been written a citation), the Ford Escort (which always made me think of escort services), the Toyota Cressida (was Toyota aware that she was an untrustworthy traitor in Greek mythology?), the Volkswagen Golf (was the car supposed to be as boring as a game of golf?), the Mitsubishi Mirage (it’s so small it’s not even there? it’s an illusion?), etc.
Snopes says the Nova story is an urban legend:
http://www.snopes.com/business/misxlate/nova.asp
There was a comic who did a whole routine on car names. His best examples were the two-car families. You could have a Laser and a Blazer, a Probe and a Lancer, a Shadow and an Eclipse…well, you can think of more. Of course, Audi owners who take the car to the dealer for its scheduled service are just doing their Audi duty.
Where’s the Hummer?
However, Laputa was probably a deliberate name on Swift’s part.
And #7 shouldn’t be on there, since it did get caught in time.
Yes, but Jonathan Swift had a real scatological sense of humor, and Laputa is generally believed to be named by him in full knowledge and intended reference to the Spanish.
Well, perhaps #7 could be replaced with the JDM Nissan Cherry.
Here’s all you need to know about that model:
Expensive and rare when new – not worth anything used. :-)
Yes, Nova the name was of course used but the interpretation of the name is wrong. This urban myth has been hanging around for years…even my marketing prof used it.
Ah yes, the Hummer. I remember at my old job we had a day where we all went to a go kart track in the evening. Afterward we got to talking cars and at one point one of our co-workers said matter-of-factly ‘My wife doesn’t even know what a Hummer is.’ I tried not to laugh out loud…and failed.
The ad’s a little schizoid, calling the 1971 Swinger “brand new” then contradicting themselves at the end by saying how popular the ‘70 Swinger was. In fact, 1969 was the first year for the Swinger. But aw hell, everything was being called “Swinger” back then, from Dodge Darts to Polaroid cameras.
I’m curious how the fire-prone Pontiac Fiero managed to avoid this list, but I suppose it had to be constrained to ten or it’d be endless. The Ford Gran Torino (”Big Turin”…huh???), the Yugo (mostly you don’t), the Citation (Uh…hey Beavis, I just…like…figured something out!), anything from Toyota with TRD emblazoned a little too proudly on its flanks.
And that’s without we don’t discard all restraint and take inventory of English-language model names in the Japanese market, home to Suzuki’s Every Joy Pop Turbo and Alto Afternoon Tea, the Mazda Scrum Wagon and Bongo Friendee, the Mitsubishi Lettuce and Mum 500 Shall We Join Us…and the Mitsubishi T-box.
I know first hand about the “Nova” urban legend. When I was in the Spanish-language tv business, it was always bandied about by agencies that specialized in ethnic marketing as the ultimate mistake. But I knew then that the Nova had never been marketed in Latin America. There may have been some Novas sold in Mexico, but the source of the “No-va” legend began with Spanish language advertising agencies.
If this was thetruthaboutspanishlanguagetv.com, I’d have quite a few BS type stories to tell.
We need a list of cool names.
From a Letterman Top Ten from years ago:
The Dodge Johnson
The Ford Gelding
The Oldsmobile Achieva should be on the list, it sounds like a sneeze.
And then of course, back in the mid 60’s when I was learning to read, there was the day when we drove up behind a big new Pontiac Grand Prix.
I was proud to read the name aloud. Apparently I wasn’t familiar with French at that age, because I pronounced the the “X”.
My father laughed so hard he almost drove off the road, and didn’t stop until my mother hit him :-0
In Japan there were cars with names like Bluebird and ED that never made it here, although the Bluebird looked like a Q45 of sorts.
Korea had Bongo Wagons. And the Ford Fiesta was sold as a Pico in Korea, some called it Pee-Car as a slang along with Daewoo Lemans being called the Daewoo Lemon.
After all the research, marketing and engineering you would think someone would stand up and say we can’t call our product a name that elicits laughter because people will laugh at our customers. This kind of marketing and buzz is not good.
Isuzu Ass-ender, Pontiac ass-tec anyone. . . ?
I always thought it was strange that manufactures would stick “Limited” on an SUV. I mean, you expect your rough and ready SUV to be able to do it all, then you find out it’s “Limited.” But then again, maybe that explains why so many have never been off the highway.
I’ve always thought “Vanagon” was a very stupid name. But not stupid enough to stop me from owning one.
I keep waiting for Honda Spasm to replace the Fit and for Mercury to offer a De Sade edition Grand Marquis.
The Pontiac Fiero means “lump of metal” in Spanish, I’ve been told. And the Chevette, just because of the lame-ass who told you he had a “Vette” and thought it was funny.
rjones, thats why VeeDub made it the Eurovan :)
Mazda LaPuta – Hahahaha…
Only the Japanese can come up with that level of kinkiness. Oh they didn’t know? I am not so sure. After all this is the country that have vending machines that sell little bottles of teenage girl urine and used panties.
Lets not forget the GMC Yukon – in the spanish slang of most spanish-speaking countries, “yucon” means really huge penis.
Check out the Toyota MR2 which was always good for a guffaw in France. Eh merde!
Some additional nominations. I still wonder about the Honda Accord. Why would you name a car after an agreement? Just like the 59 Chevy of my youth, the only reason it seems normal is because we have been dulled by seeing so many of them.
Another – What about the Nubira? Wasn’t it a Daiwoo? What the heck is a Nubira?
Finally, what the heck is a Polara? I looked it up on google one time, and I’m not sure there is such a thing, other than a 60s Dodge.
BMW X6 – awkward to pronounce
Lincoln Aviator
Saturn Ion
Ford Five Hundred – If you’re going to use a number, use the number, not the number spelled out. Can you imagine a BMW Three Hundred Thirty Five-i
Oooh, Ooooh! I forgot! The, get ready for this, Studebaker Dictator! Top this!
I’ve always thought “Vanagon” was a very stupid name. But not stupid enough to stop me from owning one.
Isn’t that VW? Pretty much all their names should be on the list. Tiguan? Routan? Eos?
John
Toyo is spanish for piece of junk. Ta is spanish for finished. So the piece of junk is finished.
I heard a joke once, it goes something like…….When a Japanese engineer was done working on his project, he told his boss…El ToyoTa.
Not true from a reliability perspective, but from an enthusiast’s point of view….?
I know it’s fictional, but the Wagon Queen Family Truckster from the movie “Vacation” always makes me laugh.
Regarding Opel Ascona, actually Ascona doesn’t mean anything in Portuguese. What happened was that the “Ascona” letters where separate, so other people would remove the A and S, and leave you with a Opel Cona (Cunt)
We also have the Nissan Pixo, which sounds close to Nissan Picha (Dick)
For my money, the VW Touareg is the worst name of all time. If I can’t pronounce it, I’m not going to buy it.
I’m a Spanish native speaker; my dad’s family is from Valencia (Eastern Spain). “Moco” is indeed booger, and it’s kind of a kiddy word the same way as it is in English. I’m not familiar with “ascona” at all, but if it’s known in Northern Spain and Portugal then it might be Galician (what they speak in Northwestern Spain).
“Nova” is an urban legend. It’d be exactly like reading the English word “notable” as “no table” – kind of a stretch, or a bad pun. “Nova” has the same astronomical meaning in Spanish as in English, so it’s a perfectly good word if you think dying stars are cool.
“Pajero” could technically have that alleged meaning, but it’s a stretch too. “Una paja” is a session of self-pleasuring, so you could add the –ero suffix to turn it into a noun (“one who does a session of…”). But that’s like how American college students now add –ing and –ness to words that shouldn’t have them (e.g. “fooding” instead of “eating”). Americans do it often enough that it sounds pretty normal to me, but in Spain it wouldn’t sound natural at all. You can say “Pajero” with a straight face there.
My favorite car name will always be the Honda That’s.
*edit*
DearS, what country are those words from? I’ve never heard “toyo” used as “junk” and “ta” as “finished.” Spanish does have a lot of bad jokes using words that sound like almost like Japanese names. Who was the fastest cyclist in the world? – Kasimoto (“almost motorcycle”). Who’s the Japanese Finance Minister? – Nikitonipongo (”I don’t put in, I don’t take out”).
Mercury Mystique (”Mistake”)
Ford Taurus X (”Tora Sex”)
No celebrity ever drove a Celebrity.
And what was Ford thinking by naming one of their windowless brown vans “The Amber Alert” ??!!
I Can understand Subaru naming that car The Flying Vagina, though.
If you think Japanese cars have bad names, you should see some of the names they bestowed on motorcycles, especially during the 80’s (although the bikes themselves were actually pretty cool.)
Can you imagine riding up to your local biker bar sitting astride your Suzuki Savage? Or Intruder?
I’ve owned both a Yamaha Virago (a virago is a loud, obnoxious woman) as well as a Maxim (which I think of as meaning a proverb or an aphorism.)
11. Fiat PALIO, supposedly meaning male genitalia in certain southamerican slang.
12. When the successor to Toyota MR came out, it was named Toyota MR2, except in France, where it was still just MR. Because MR DEUX sounds exactly like MERDEUX, which isn’t the best name for a car in France.
Oh yes, and Ford KUGA means PLAGUE in my language…
Where’s the Subaru BRAT?
Can you imagine an intersection accident between a Hummer, a Cherry and a LaPuta ?
Carlisimo,
“You can say “Pajero” with a straight face there.”
Oh no, sadly you can’t. The suffix -ero denotes someone who performs an activity (such in “granja” and “granjero”, which mean “farm” and “farmer” respectively).
Trust me,I’ve been using it since I was a child.
You’re totally right about “nova” though.
EDIT,
I’ve been using the word, I would like to clarify…
No mention of the Mitsubishi Starion?
The story I heard was that the Japanese suits wanted to call it the “Stallion” but that the guys on this side of the Pacific misheard them or didn’t want to contradict them (pick one).
“Pajero” means bird in much of the Spanish speaking world… I don’t understand where this dirty connotation comes from.
I always enjoyed the Honda CR-V EX. My parents have had two. CR-V EX = Cervix?
Does anyone remember the Daihatsu Naked? It was a Kei car from the early 2000s. Of course, being a Daihatsu, it had fifty extra words tacked on to the end to denote trim levels and such.
Another that alwasy caught my eye (in the vein of the Ford Aspire) was the Suzuki Esteem. Tiny, unreliable, basic transport. I suppose if you drive one you’d have to have lots of self esteem to make it through the day without laughing too hard at your own vehicle.
GMC Jimmy. What? Why name a wannabe social climber SUV a nickname for James?
The Suzuki Swift certainly wasn’t.
Oldsmobile Bravada had a fairly short life (ten years).
Kia Sephia. Dumb sounding, rhymes. More later.
rcde, I’ve only lived in one part of Spain, near Alicante, and “pajero” wasn’t part of the vocabulary there. Slang is a very local thing, so I don’t doubt that it’s a common word where you’re from.
carlisimo,
“Slang is a very local thing”
completely true, but that one is pretty known.
Here’s a link from one of the best spanish car magazines writing about unfortunate car names:
“http://www.motorpasion.com/otros/nombres-de-coches-desafortunados”
It’s in spanish.
So how about those Audi TTs…?
@Jeffers:
The Oldsmobile Achieva should be on the list, it sounds like a sneeze.
The Oldsmobile Achieva should be on the list not because it sounds like a sneeze, but because it instantly pissed away decades of brand loyalty so deep that Americans fell over themselves to snap up whatever pathetic shitbox GM spewed forth, as long as they slapped the “Cutlass” name on.
@Argentla:
There was also a Plymouth Valiant Swinger — it wasn’t just a Dart.
No. There was never a Valiant Swinger. Plymouth’s equivalent of the Swinger was the Valiant Scamp.
I agree with Samir, we need a list of cool names.
Blue387
“I agree with Samir, we need a list of cool names.”
Yes, we do!
This is a weak bit,even by the “top 10″ standards.
first
Fitta, sorry guys WRONG.
1. “Fitta” is how you spell “Fit” with Japanese phonemes (no terminal consonants, the double “t” is a glotal stop) very lazy.
2. They did use Fit for the US (and Japanese and Asian) markets. Only Europe gets the “Jazz”(so the Swedes wouldn’t chuckle). BTW the German word for “Jazz” as I recall is roughly “bent (or maybe “slanted”) music”. That’s much more interesting.
But they repeated the “Nova” joke (which has been discredited 8 ways to Wedsday) what could you expect?
Oh, and “Cobalt” basically means the same as “gremlin” (demonic imp). The metal is quite poisonous, which is why German miners gave it that name. That’s also the origin of “Kobolds” (those wussy little lizards familiar to D&D nerds the world over).
Here endeth the lesson.