#1978

Are there any 124 Spiders still driving on American streets, or is every single one sitting in a back yard or driveway, waiting for steel prices to rise high enough to trigger the final tow-truck ride to The Crusher?

Malaise Era Molester Vans are rarely worth sparing from The Crusher’s jaws these days, what with steel prices stoking The Crusher’s hunger to insatiable levels, particularly when they’re on the rusty side. However, when that van is a ’78 Dodge Tradesman with a factory-installed 318 and floor-shifted overdrive 4-speed, things might be different. We hope.

The agonizing downward spiral of civilization continues; you saw a Mercedes-Benz W126 coupe sacrificed to China’s hunger for scrap steel, and now there’s this even cooler Benz coupe counting the minutes until it, too, gets crushed. At least some of this car’s parts will live on.

The turnover of inventory at self-service junkyards near major West Coast ports is extremely quick, what with the hunger of Chinese industry for scrap steel; some yards keep vehicles for just a month or two before crushing them. This steel-company-owned yard in Oakland, California, gets some interesting machinery, but a Lancia Beta? I can’t recall the last time I saw a Beta in any condition, but Volvo parts hunter David ran across this ’78 while seeking parts for his 240.

The Cougar name has been slapped on so many different Mercurized (Mercurated?) Fords that it gets hard to keep them straight. I never much cared for the over-gingerbreaded Mustang-based version, but the big Thunderbird-based late-70s Cougar seems properly Mercurial.

Public Enemy’s 1987 ode to the Olds 98, “You’re Gonna Get Yours,” has long been one of my all-time favorite car anthems, and I’ve always pictured Chuck D’s 98 as a mint-green example of the late-70s iteration of Oldsmobile’s top-of-the-line big car. Then I’m at the junkyard and… here’s Chuck’s car!

We make fun of the Cordoba today— hell, we made fun of the Cordoba when it was new— but wouldn’t Fiat be wise to slather at least one 2011 Chrysler with “gold”-plated-plastic medallions and get some smooth-voiced macho man to pitch it on TV?

As a newcomer to Denver, I had my worries that the junkyards here would be wall-to-wall Sables and Sephias. Would my junkyard trips be a slog through a miasma of late-model boredom? As J. Frank Parnell said about the hazards of lobotomies: Not at all!