Vellum Venom Vignette: Styling the Shark Jump?

Sajeev Mehta
by Sajeev Mehta

Bob writes:

Hi Sajeev. I’m annoyed by styling that makes the trim height look wrong. Most cars today look like the front is sagging or the rear is too high. The stylists even slant side creases and trim strips down toward the front (Man, I hate that. – SM) to create this look even though a close look at the rocker panel shows that the car is level.

Why are they doing it? Does the public really like it?

Sajeev answers:

The delicate balance of physical + visual trim height adjustment is standard practice, proving itself over decades for both aerodynamic and stylistic enhancement. The problem? Jumping the shark.

But uber radical trim height adjustment must be awesome, because people love the new super-slashy-buffalo-butted Corvette. Even if it gives me violent diarrhea faster than poorly cooked, low-grade beef.

FWIW, the Corvette’s hyper-slashed profile makes sense if the front wheels were 16″ tall. Because that slash, starting subtle and (too) low in the fender and going up to a critical element of the quarter panel, is a mouth writing checks that the body can’t cash.

Here are two insurance vans inspecting my leaky roof, clearly showing the sadness of over-styled side profiles. (They weren’t parked close enough for a side shot with my phone, sorry.) It’s clear that Chevrolet Nissan over-styled their vanlet while the older Ford retains the logical, rational, and wholly boring contouring of another era.

So, remember: “side styling that looks faster” is a necessary ingredient to car styling. While my professors at CCS demanded rocker panels perfectly parallel to the ground, adding anything (short of a sine wave) along the side profile was fair game, because creativity shouldn’t be hindered by stamped sheets of metal (or plastic). As long as the rockers do not appear pre-bent (that’s less than reassuring to shoppers) from an accident, it’s all good.

Even if we hate the look, others will love it. Or they won’t care enough to stop a new vehicle purchase to replace their clunker!

And opinions are like assholes, hence why this asshole takes forever to justify/publish his Vellum Venom critiques: first complain, then show specific problems and offer “better” alternatives. Half-ass the assholery and prepare to face even more wrath than an end of semester critique at CCS. And I ain’t going through that again.

Thank you for reading.

[Lead image: Chevrolet]

Sajeev Mehta
Sajeev Mehta

More by Sajeev Mehta

Comments
Join the conversation
3 of 61 comments
  • 300zx_guy 300zx_guy on May 29, 2015

    I can always find details to nitpick, but I mostly like the look of the new Vette. However, the rear fascia is trying way too hard - it looks cool and menacing at a glance, but is way too busy, I don't think it will age well. The other odd thing about the design is that the profile looks very odd on cars with the black roof, easy enough to fix - don't get the black roof.

  • Namesakeone Namesakeone on May 30, 2015

    I always thought that today's high beltlines and small side windows were a result of side-impact standards (and the popularity of SUVs). When that Escalade hits your driver's side, better it hit metal than glass.

    • VolandoBajo VolandoBajo on May 31, 2015

      Jacked up pickup trucks also might be a driver of the trend. But the main thing is that not only would you want to avoid impact with glass, and to have the impact point instead by harder to penetrate steel, but also with the higher beltline, it makes it easier to package more contact area for side impact air bags. No way to hide an airbag inside of a piece of glass.

  • Master Baiter I'm skeptical of any project with government strings attached. I've read that the new CHIPS act which is supposed to bring semiconductor manufacturing back to the U.S. is so loaded with DEI requirements that companies would rather not even bother trying to set up shop here. Cheaper to keep buying from TSMC.
  • CanadaCraig VOTE NO VW!
  • Joe This is called a man in the middle attack and has been around for years. You can fall for this in a Starbucks as easily as when you’re charging your car. Nothing new here…
  • AZFelix Hilux technical, preferably with a swivel mount.
  • ToolGuy This is the kind of thing you get when you give people faster internet.
Next