By on April 23, 2014

Majda

TTAC reader Majda shares his tale of becoming a driver for ridesharing app Lyft.

Few car enthusiasts get paid to drive soused, singing young women around town. I do. The price was zip-tying a pink moustache onto the grille of my Mazda3.

I like to think of myself as the median reader of TTAC. I drive an enthusiast-approved Mazda3, did a DE course at Summit Point Raceway, and handle my own maintenance within reason. I own a Mityvac and am disappointed with its oil seals. I believe, against all evidence, that my girlfriend will appreciate it if I replace the stock e-brake handle.

There is one thing, though, that differentiates me from the median member of the Best and the Brightest: I have seen the awful face of twenty-year-old femininity, and I am afraid. I have driven down a four-lane highway with four college girls as my passengers, trying to keep control of the car while three tossed my hat around the backseat and the first one swiveled her head back and forth, whacking my shoulders with her perfumed, layered hair, touching my face with her hands whenever she felt inspired to do so, which was often.

I did this, as stipulated, with a pink moustache attached to the clownfish grille of my last-gen 3, because I drive for Lyft.

Lyft, like Uber and Sidecar, is a ridesharing app. Riders hail a driver using a smartphone. The driver – your humble scribe, now your humble chauffeur – drives to the pickup spot to collect you, the passenger. I then ferry you from home to bar, or bar to home, or bar to bar, as you like. When you get out, you don’t pay me directly; instead, you pay through the phone. Lyft takes a small cut.

For passengers, the experience is sociable, convenient, cheap, and pleasantly modern. As with many technological improvements, you get a better product at a lower cost. However, there are a few disadvantages which you, the riding public, should know about:

 1. Competence

Driving a cab is harder than you think, and one of the most gratifying elements of driving one is watching the professionals do it. Tail a real cabbie, at a safe distance, and you’ll see what I mean. They know the light patterns, they know how to hypermile, they know every inch of town, and they know the police patterns better that you do.

It follows from these admissions that the professional cabbie will, ceteris paribus, be better at his job than the man who practices law by day and deploys the pink moustache at night.

 2. Stratification

Hailing a cab is one of the few democratic practices left in America. You stand on a corner, wave your hand, and may the best citizen win. Lyft differs from the taxi norm in several key ways: first, you must have a smartphone to hail a ride, which eliminates the elderly and the very poor; second, you must have a credit card, which eliminates the unbanked; third, you must be connected with the sort of social networks which introduce you to smartphone apps, which eliminates half of America. If you doubt the power of those networks, consider this: in roughly four hundred pickups for Lyft, I have been sent into a poor part of town just twice.

 3. Social Cocooning

When I ride in a cab, I sit in the back. There is rarely a physical partition between me and the driver, but there is always a social partition. In my town, the driver is often Ethiopian or from the subcontinent. He – and it is always a he – generally provides fine service, and I tip out of respect.

It is a socially uncomfortable interaction, because I don’t have much in common with him other than our common humanity. For better or for worse, this makes hailing a cab somewhat discomfiting.

Lyft eliminates that problem. Passengers are expected to sit in the front seat, and Lyft prescribes a fist-bump to start the ride, just to put the passenger at ease. About 40% of drivers are female. I’m not a naturally jovial guy, but my passengers often thank me for chatting them up. Lyft touts this element in its advertising: I am “your friend with a car.”

It’s a wonderful gig. I enjoy driving around my particular city in the evenings, circulating through its neighborhoods and watching the sun go down. It’s a gig, not a career, though, because this innovation has planted the seeds of its own obsolescence. Thanks to Lyft and Uber, affluent urbanites are getting addicted to ride-by-app. Once the app can hail a self-driving car, there will be no need of a driver, taxi or otherwise. Young couples won’t hold hands quietly in the back seat. The brunch crowd will pregame before pancakes, en route. The girls will sing, on the way to the club, unobserved by cabbie anthropologists, and the pink moustaches will dissolve into a sea of white, efficient little pods.

 

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82 Comments on “Ur-Turn: Need A Lyft?...”


  • avatar
    danio3834

    I wonder how things would pan out if I did this in a Deathproof Nova.

    • 0 avatar
      Mark_MB750M

      I guess that depends on how much like Kurt Russell’s character you are…

      Seriously, though, to the OP – you didn’t mention any downside. Did any of those soused young women ever barf in your car? How is that, or any other damage, handled? Can the rider skip the fare somehow?

      Interesting article, though. I hope you’ll keep us updated

      • 0 avatar
        danio3834

        The Lyft website specifies that drivers must have a 2000 MY or newer 4 door. Bummer, the Nova’s out. I wonder what late model car could be used as a stand-in…

      • 0 avatar
        Majda

        Thanks, Mark.

        The downsides are minimal. I don´t drive after midnight, so I usually catch the kiddos on their way into town. Both Lyft and Uber pay out good money to clean up if there is any damage, post-gustatory or otherwise.

        The more serious issue is insurance. Both Lyft and Uber claim to cover you if your personal insurance will not. I worry about that.

  • avatar
    Nicholas Weaver

    Anyone else having problems with a rogue advertisement on the iPhone version of the site continually opening up the app store for stupid “free to play” games?

  • avatar
    gtrslngr

    So this is what 20 something Suburban / Urban Hipster Wanna Be’s , unqualified and/or too lazy do instead of gaining meaningful , productive and useful , not to mention legitimate employment

    Pretend to be taxi cab drivers – directed by yet another Vaporware App – all while taking money out of the hands of those Legitimate and Qualified / Bonded / Insured and Licensed to actually BE Taxi Cab drivers

    I for one cannot wait to see the results of all the liability lawsuits coming the way of these Pretend Ride Share / Taxi Cabs as well as how hard the local authorities will be coming down on the heads of those like Mr Majda . And y’all think the Food Trucks are coming under a Firestorm of legal and liable issues . Y’all aint seen nuthin yet [ spelling intentional for effect for those pedantic amongst us ]

    My pity in advance Mr Majda . Yours and all those like you’s heads about to roll a hell of a lot sooner and further than later. Guaranteed ! And err … bye bye !

    ————

    BWTM ; Can someone please tell me why TTAC wastes time and digital space on irrelevant and intellectually insulting to anyone over the age of 15 crap such as this ?

    • 0 avatar
      bball40dtw

      Does someone pee in your Cheerios every morning? That would make me angry too.

      • 0 avatar
        gtrslngr

        Does someone piddle inside your head every day flooding your brain case ? That would make anyone too terribly ignorant to see the world as it really is .

        Oh …. but did I offend your poor little bundle of Zeros and Ones – pretentious 20 something – Irony is your Middle Name sensibility with too many facts and a healthy dose of reality ?

        If so . Deal with it sonny . The REAL world will all too soon catch up with the likes of you as well

        • 0 avatar
          jmo

          You know, “You don’t have to see your shrink, there’s nothing wrong with you that can’t be cured with a little Prozac and a polo mallet.”

          • 0 avatar
            28-Cars-Later

            I assume that’s a clever quip or reference but Fluoxetine aka Prozac is actually not very good for you since its primary ingredient includes Flourine.

            Flourine incidentally:

            “Elemental fluorine is highly toxic.”

            “Synthetic sodium fluoroacetate has been used as an insecticide but is especially effective against mammalian pests… An estimated 30% of agrichemical compounds contain fluorine”

            “Soluble fluorides are moderately toxic.”

            “Hydrofluoric acid, the water solution of hydrogen fluoride, is a contact poison.”

            yet

            “Of all commercialized pharmaceutical drugs, 20% contain fluorine, including important drugs in many different pharmaceutical classes”

            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fluoxetine

            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biological_aspects_of_fluorine

          • 0 avatar
            jmo

            “its primary ingredient includes Flourine.”

            You do know that sodium is an explosive yellow metal and chlorine is a posionious yellow-green gas? Combine them and you get harmless table salt.

          • 0 avatar
            CRConrad

            Also, @28-Cars-Later: Hydrogen is a highly flammable gas — it’s what the Hindenburg was filled with. Don’t drink anything that contains it. In particular, I’d like to warn you from ever coming into contact with dihydrogen oxide, every single molecule of which contains not one but TWO hydrogen atoms!

        • 0 avatar
          bball40dtw

          Hahahahahahaha

          Pretentious 20 something. Sonny. The REAL world.

          Fantastic.

          There is nothing that you could say that would offend me. However, your attitue, disposition, and general point of view towards everyone may be offensive to some. That’s their problem I guess.

        • 0 avatar
          crm114

          Come on Old Yeller, it’s time to out behind the shed.

      • 0 avatar
        05lgt

        I’m more 50 something, and I already have a job… but… I’d job share the peeing in slngr’s breakfast gig.

    • 0 avatar
      Majda

      Gtrslnger, I work full time as a legal aid lawyer. In my off hours, I drive for Lyft to relax and make a few extra bucks. Thanks for reading, though — and I think you´re right to point out the tone.

    • 0 avatar
      Compaq Deskpro

      What to hipsters have to do with anything? Is hipster the word for white urban young adults? Are they like gangsters but nonviolent? How is this work not legitimate? Because it isn’t tethered to Uncle Sam?

      How is driving people around not being productive and useful? People always need to get places, and don’t always need to own a car.

      How is this vaporware? Vaporware are products that are announced and hyped but never materialize, this product exists and is networking drivers and passengers.

      And what is so special about the legal red tape? Why can’t ordinary car insurance, which I assume is required to be part of this, take care of any liability issues? What is so special about taxi cab drivers? Driving isn’t rocket science. I’m aware that London Taxi drivers go through rigorous training that actually involves memorizing the entire city and are tested on the best route to a place off the top of their heads, but most American taxi drivers are awful. They are an hour late, drive ratty cars, drive too fast or too slow, aim for traffic to maximize profits. They are nothing to write home about, and I can’t imagine the author being much worse, so at least the car is good.

      What the heck is BWTM?

      It isn’t irrelevant, cars play a major role. I’m not sure how it is intellectually insulting, he is just describing his experiences of being what is essentially a cab driver. This doesn’t mean you are stupid.

      • 0 avatar
        matador

        BWTM- In my best Billy May’s Voice: “But Wait, There’s More!”

        This is an actual job. It’s not glamorous work, but as Montgomery Gentry would say: “You don’t have to make a million. Just be thankful that you’re working”

  • avatar
    sproc

    With no disrespect to Lyft, I think you draw far too many parallels to Uber, which has significant differences. Most Uber drivers are professionals with the exception of UberX, but even they comport themselves like professionals. This is one of the primary reasons I prefer Uber. (Their black car service is totally money on date night, BTW.) I have no desire to fist bump with a stranger, and I find the “social cocooning” you call a problem is really something I appreciate when conducting any business with a stranger, no matter their gender or ethnicity.

    Perhaps I’m just a crotchety old gen-Xer, and don’t understand these wacky millenials…

    • 0 avatar
      gtrslngr

      No … methinks unlike these 20 something Suburban Urban Hipster Wanna Be’s [ lets not over generalize ] too lazy to get a real job .. you and I [ a Boomer and damn proud of it ] are in fact seeing things quite clearly

    • 0 avatar
      Majda

      OP here again. I drive for UberX, occasionally, too. (Uber actively encourages double-dipping. Lyft has been pretty quiet about it.)

      I´m 28, and, as you can tell from my sense of dress, I don´t really understand the millenials, either. I think that I´m somewhere between where you are and where the average millenial Lyft driver is — I like to know the passenger´s name, but the fistbump is odd and corny, so I never do it.

      • 0 avatar
        tekdemon

        Uber drivers definitely double dip, my friend’s gotten a black car the last couple times he used X, and I’ve gotten a huge Denali SUV when I used black (rather silly since it was just me going to the airport with a carry on but still).

  • avatar

    Since I am of this millennial generation, a few observations:

    1) When I watched the Lyft FYI video and it got to the part about “…and you fist bump, ’cause that’s the Lyft thing to do” or some such trollop, my soul vomited.

    2) The pink mustache is embarrassing. Dare I saw moreso than riding around in a yellow taxi, which brings me to…

    3) Judging by the two Lyft cars I’ve seen in my area, using Lyft would force me to ride around in a fleet of CCs or Mazda3s while making small talk with a pleasant but utterly vacuous hipster. I will thus be robbed of indeterminate wait times, salty New England transplant dispatchers, repurposed 300k-mile Crown Victoria Ls clambering over parking medians because the driver pulled into the wrong address, and having the driver regale me with colorful anecdotes about a threesome he had where a ‘chick ended up being a dude,’ what the current political situation is in Azerbaijan, and how red light cameras are terrible.

    I’d rather the cab any day of the week.

    4) I’m going to sign up to be a Lyft driver so others can enjoy the unairconditioned comfort of my ’76 Buick in Florida weather. Methinks I’ll end up with no gratuities and no fist bumps.

  • avatar
    bubbajet_ttac

    I have used Uber but not Lyft. One of the early comments above asked if the author’s car had ever been barfed in. At least on Uber (again, not familiar with Lyft) the passengers rate the driver and the driver also rates the passengers. Importantly, the passengers *and the driver* can refuse the ride – barf in a car and be rude more than once (or even once) and I think it’d be hard to get a ride.

    Does Lyft have such a thing?

    I’m enthused about Uber and Lyft. There are many kinks to be worked out, such as insurance and licensing/background checks, but it’s drop-dead easy, the drivers I’ve had have been way nicer than any cab driver I’ve had, and the cars have been way nicer than any cab I’ve ridden in. Payment and tipping is auto-magic, no haggling or rolled eyes at having to pay with a credit card (I got this and more from a cabbie once, who amazingly lost his tip). It’s slightly more than a cab ride (maybe 10%?) but well worth it. In the end, I would hope that this drives the cab companies into the 20th century – maybe even the 21st! – more than drives them out of business.

  • avatar
    tankinbeans

    I wouldn’t want to ride in a Lyft car, nor would I want to turn my own car into a Lyft car. One never knows what kind of crazy lurks out there and I wouldn’t be interested in finding out. Packing on the miles and wear/tear with a car I like for the sake of making a few bucks, no thanks.

    I fully embrace my inner misanthrope and stick to the people I know.

    This strikes me as the modern day version of picking up a hitchhiker.

  • avatar
    Hummer

    I don’t get why these names have to be a play on letters (words?); or otherwise something that doesn’t describe the service being offered.
    Are all the normal names gone?

    Sorry stupid quarrel.

    • 0 avatar
      catachanninja

      Since it’s app based I suspect it’s to make the app easier to find amongst what I imagine to be a pretty decent sized market for weight lifting apps. Keeps the name simple but unique. Can’t sell what people can’t find or remember.

  • avatar
    catachanninja

    As a workaholic 25 year old and a friendly driving enthusiast this appeals to me. I work just outside of down town decent sized Midwestern city and would love to have a more entertaining second job than my retail gig. Lyft has been advertising hard in my area as well. So to the author I would ask the following.
    1.) How’s the pay?
    2 .) what kind of hours are expected of you, can you call it a a night when you want?
    3.) Does the company compensate you for passenger abuse/damage?

    • 0 avatar
      Majda

      OP here. You´ve got questions, I´ve got answers:

      1. The pay is okay. $15 per hour is average for a weekend night. It´s far better in new markets, because both Uber and Lyft throw money at new drivers to achieve saturation.

      2. The hours are totally flexible for both Lyft and Uber. You can go home whenever you want.

      3. The company compensates you if a passenger does damage to a car, but not if you get distracted and crash. Physical damage is handled through insurance. Hopefully.

      • 0 avatar
        ihatetrees

        If properly permitted/allowed by the law, can you pack heat while Lyft-ing?

        • 0 avatar
          Majda

          Lyft never mentioned it, but my sense tells me that it would be culturally alien to them.

          • 0 avatar
            ColombiaD

            I think there would be no need to for 2 reasons. 1) The customer knows that you know who they are so there is accountability. 2) Because the payment is electronic there is no reason for you to carry cash and thus no reason to rob you.

            I had an UberX driver who had formerly been a cab driver tell me that it was far safer for him to be an Uberx driver for these reasons.

          • 0 avatar
            catachanninja

            Sounds like I’ve found my perfect third job! Is there anyway to not need the mustache?

      • 0 avatar
        TDIGuy

        I don’t think $15/hr would be worthwhile once you look at cost of fuel and insurance increases due to using your car for commercial purposes.

        Plus how long would it be before the taxi unions start harassing you?

  • avatar

    This is a good piece. Hope you have more stories to tell.

  • avatar
    7402

    Since most privately-owned cars spend almost their entire lives parked, this approach strikes me as generally useful. It used to be that pizza delivery was really the only way individuals could turn their rapidly depreciating asset into a revenue stream, even if it wasn’t necessarily net income positive. A similar phenomenon is entities like LaserShip who contract individuals with their own cars to deliver the “last mile” of Amazon deliveries and the like in competition with liveried/uniformed services like UPS and FedEx.

    I was part of a sort of similar service back in the seventies that chauffeured people to the airport, but we only provided drivers as we use the clients’ cars. Put myself through college that way.

    Insurance must be complicated with these things. I’ll wait for the first huge civil suit to meander through the appeals system before putting my own car out there.

    • 0 avatar
      CRConrad

      @7402: “I’ll wait for the first huge civil suit to meander through the appeals system before putting my own car out there.”

      So you plan on perhaps signing up after you’ve retired from your day job?

  • avatar
    TEXN3

    How does your insurance company handle a claim? Even assuming you state you’re using the vehicle for business and not strictly as personal. It is a neat idea though.

  • avatar
    ColombiaD

    I haven´t used Lyft but I am a giant fan of UberX. I just laugh when I hear people trying to defend cabs against the new services. The cabs held a monopoly and along with this came the natural monopolistic tendencies of poor service and high prices. In my experience, the UberX drivers provide a FAR higher level of service in a FAR nicer vehicle for a much lower cost. As part of their monmopoly the cab companies always fought additional medalion supply so that they could keep their prices high. They problem was that in cities like San Francisco you could NEVER get a cab when you needed one. That led to heavy drinking and driving. I recently visited my old friends in San Francisco again and the drunken driving problem has been solved. It is so much more convenient now to use Lyft or UberX. Instead of being scorned by the regulators these services should be getting a medal.

    And to the nice fellow who said that they were all hipsters with no jobs, I say hogwash. All those I met have significant other jobs and just do Uberx or Lyft for a little extra cash or in some cases because they like the experience.

  • avatar
    PandaBear

    10 years ago, before there’s all these Lyft, Sidecar, Uber thing, I was on craigslist ride share list posting ads going between San Francisco and Livermore daily, and Livermore / Pleasanton to Orange County every other week.

    It was great at first when there’s only hipsters and techies, who don’t mind paying almost airfare rate to hatch a ride (gas cost per passenger each way) and don’t mind me making off with multiple passengers that double or triple the gas costs. It was fun too, as I love college girls and recently graduated college girls.

    Then over time, craigslist got more and more popular and you started seeing trashier and trashier passengers, the scam artists, the cheap ones that want to “unionize” with the other passengers to “bargain” for a cheaper ride after they get in the car, etc.

    I’m glad that I don’t need to do this anymore. It was fun.

  • avatar
    Dingleberrypiez_Returns

    I hated Lyft for skirting the system… until I managed to get multiple Lyft rides at 10 minutes notice in SF during last New Year’s eve. Had always resigned myself to walking loooong distances in the past- cabs were NEVER available.

    Still think they need to work out their insurance issues but that’s a topic for another day.

  • avatar
    the_yeti

    I live in San Francisco and use Uber semi-regularly.
    Its often cheaper then parking, and the driver drops me at the door of the destination, instead of blocks away.
    Uber is great because if you hail a car, you can see if its coming, on a map, on your phone. You get a text as they are arriving as well.
    Both the driver and the customer are accountable, as they both participate in Uber. Users are requited to rate drivers, and if you rate one poorly, they email you and ask you why. You get a recite emailed to you showing the route you took. No more long hauling in unfamiliar cities. Its billed directly to your credit card, no more hunting for cash, or change.

    Here is a referral code, if you sign up for Uber, using this code, you get a $20 credit. Enjoy. r4x2w

  • avatar
    Compaq Deskpro

    If I showed up to a customer’s house in my beaten former cop Crown Vic with a partition, they’d wonder what they were paying for.

  • avatar
    TEXN3

    I just realized this would be way better than waiting in a super long taxi line at a destination airport!

  • avatar
    gtemnykh

    As with pizza delivery driving, using a nice new car for this purpose is basically a zero sum game in terms of the cost of the wear/use of consumables such as tires/fluids/brakes if $15/hr is all you’re making. I wish there wasn’t a MY2000+ restriction, I was having fun coming up with good used beaters that would work well as Lyft cars. The funniest delivery car I’ve seen was a college age girl delivering Jimmy John’s in a pretty new RDX. Pretty obvious she didn’t pay for the car or gas herself, more like her parents told her top get a job if she wanted more spending money.

    Using the restriction of 2000 and up and 4 doors, what would be a good choice? Crown Vic would eat up too much profits in terms of gas, would a compact car suffice like what the author uses? My ideal Lyft car would be a stick shift Toyota Echo 4 door. They actually have very decent rear passenger room owing to the upright chair seating. Excellent MPG and there isn’t much that can go wrong on those cars.

    It’d be fun to try out just for kicks, but I don’t know about you but my time is worth more than $15/hr, not to mention the wear on the car.

    • 0 avatar
      Majda

      The best car to use for this job is the one you actually want to own on its own merits. If I knew what I knew now about depreciation and the pleasures of speed, I would have gone with a used 3.8L Hyundai Genesis rather than a new Mazda3.

    • 0 avatar
      jmo

      “As with pizza delivery driving, using a nice new car for this purpose is basically a zero sum game in terms of the cost of the wear/use of consumables such as tires/fluids/brakes if $15/hr is all you’re making. ”

      Looking it up, the cost of a new Camry is $0.59/mile over five years. Only some of that is due to milage depreciation vs age depreciation. The calculation would hinge on the marginal cost of each extra mile, if you already own the car.

    • 0 avatar
      danio3834

      Looking at their website, I’m having trouble figuring out what the exact fees/donations are and what a driver can typically expect to earn. More seating would probably net more paying rides, so a minivan would probably be the most effective vehicle overall.

    • 0 avatar
      tekdemon

      The thing is that you get to deduct a pretty hefty deduction on your taxes though so can still work out for you if you drive a lot of miles. I wouldn’t drive something super expensive to maintain though.

      And you can make more than that in some markets, it really all depends. If you’re driving largely during surge hours I’m sure the rate is hella better than $15 an hour in NYC. When UberX is charging 400% rates the driver is also getting 400% more (Uber takes a 30% cut IIRC)

  • avatar
    Mandalorian

    Serial killers with smartphones rejoice!

  • avatar
    APaGttH

    How does a human being with functional legs sit in the back of a Mazda3

  • avatar
    baggins

    I enjoyed this piece. Interesting, please keep it up TTAC.

    A few questions/comments for the writer

    1) do you have to attach that pink mustache, or was that just the request of that group

    2) you are correct to worry about the insurance issue, as I believe most individual insurance policies are for personal, not commercial use. Uber had an issue out here when one of its drivers killed a 6 year old kid in a crosswalk in SF. Uber seemed to disown the driver pretty fast. Uber is being sued anyhow.

    On the other side as a young Legal Aid lawyer, I would guess you have negative assets (ie you owe more on law school loans than you have in assets), so what do you really have to lose?

    • 0 avatar
      Majda

      1) You have to attach the moustache to drive for Lyft. I figured out a way to do it with zip-ties and carabiners so that I can take it off easily.

      2) Re loans, I’m extremely lucky. My law school pays them back in full because of my career choice.

  • avatar
    cronus

    Mustache rides $5.

  • avatar
    mypoint02

    Good post. I have to admit that I’ve often thought about doing something like this or UberX. Living in the suburbs of Chicago, I figure just shuttling people back and forth from O’Hare wouldn’t be too difficult and could net some decent spending money. The insurance part makes me nervous though. I’m just waiting for one of these drivers to get into an injury (or God forbid fatal) accident to see if the company really “has your back”. Given the choice between the two, I’d probably choose Uber – if only for the lack of pink car mustaches and fist bumps!

  • avatar
    WheelMcCoy

    For the mustache to really work, you need to mount it above the Mazda3′s smile! Not that I would take on such a gig, but I found the article a fascinating look youthful trends. As ditzy as the college girls appeared to be, they at least had the good sense to travel together.

    Looking forward to more of your writing. And also appreciate TTAC’s broadening direction.

    • 0 avatar
      Majda

      I wish I could, but the top half of the Mazda3′s grin is entirely blocked, so I can’t mount the thing properly there using my zip-tie and carabiner system.

  • avatar
    brettc

    Thanks for documenting your experiences. This doesn’t look like a half bad way to make some (relatively) easy money. I might look into driving for them.

  • avatar
    blackcayman

    Interesting article – don’t listen to The Almighty @$$hat


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