Ask the Best and Brightest: Cruise Campus in . . . a Hyundai Elantra?

Ever since ForbesAutos.com disappeared down the media rat hole, the autoblogosphere has been more or less listless. Into this breach (dear Horatio) strides everyone’s favorite misnamed bi-weekly motor mag. AutoWeek presents their “best rides for campus cruising.” Which is, of course, the headline writer’s “inventive” take on a top ten list of entirely sensible cars that Mom and Dad should purchase on behalf of their education (i.e. party) seeking progeny. Well, it’s not really a “top ten” list per se—’cause that would mean AW would have to rate the cars in some sort of order, which would risk pissing off the people paying the bills. So here are their random choices for aspiring didacts.

2009 Hyundai Elantra Sedan – AW likes it ’cause J.D. Power rates the Elantra as one of its “Ten most problem-free cars and trucks” for 2009.” Punishment for good grades, perhaps? Anyway, we’re off to an exciting start!

2009 Honda Civic – Safe! AW likes the Civic because the IIHS (a quasi-governmental organization) rates it a top safety pick. For small cars. And everyone knows college kids should be driving small cars. Oh, and “The Civic also features available satellite-linked navigation with voice recognition, perfect for finding your way around campus for the first time.” As opposed to, say, an iPhone or portable sat nav device.

2009 Mitsubishi Lancer – OK, they’ve done the safety thing. Now . . . the “Lancer gives you plenty of bang for not so many bucks [152 hp, unless you buy it in CA, where it’s 143 hp]. Standard features sure to impress the academics include auto-off halogen headlamps, two-color multi-information display and a 140-watt CD/MP3 head unit with a digital signal processor and speed-compensated volume control.” I hope my kids aren’t that easily impressed.

2009 Ford Escape – Back to safety. “All Escape models come with a standard AdvanceTrac with roll stability control.” While that’s nice and all, if a parent’s worried about SUV rollovers, maybe they shouldn’t buy their kid an SUV.

2010 Toyota Prius Hybrid – “Eco-friendly autos are a must on the college scene.” So that’s that, then.

2010 Kia Soul – “The Soul has a quirky, youthful design with a reasonable price tag.” Agreed.

2009 Dodge Caliber SE – Ha! The same people who laud the Elantra for its reliability DARE suggest that a parent provide their prospective scholar with a Caliber? On what grounds, counselor? Drink driving! “A big part of college is tailgating, and this car would be perfect to fill with party supplies. It has a cooled beverage storage bin that holds four 20-ounce bottles or cans with illuminated cupholders in the front.”

2009 Ford Focus – Back to Eco-Weenieism 001: “This environmentally conscious car has Earth-friendly seating with bio-based foam cushions derived from plant seeds and can get up to 35 mpg highway with a manual transmission.” Who knew cars had a conscious. Hal. Open the penalty box doors. Hal?

2009 Chevrolet Cobalt sedan – “As far as assistance goes, this car is stacked. OnStar is standard for one year when purchasing or leasing a Cobalt. In addition, the Cobalt is backed by a 100,000- mile/five-year transferable powertrain limited warranty, plus roadside assistance and courtesy-transportation programs.” That joke writes itself.

Used cars will do the trick, too – So, here’s our list of the best cars for college-bound children and BTW everything else is OK, too. And just ’cause Toyota didn’t get a shout-out, here it is! “Consumer Reportsalso ranked Japanese brands such as Toyota and Honda as “reliable” used cars with some newer safety features built into them.”

My take: buy them a pre-owned sedan that’s reliable, slow and safe. Your take?