Hammer Time: Two For One Special (While Supplies Last)

I’ve been very lucky as of late. Last week I found a 1976 Cadillac Eldorado with only 33,000 original miles sulking in a friend’s garage. New battery. An oil change and the beauty flew like a wing of God. I still have goosebumps over that ride and for $4,000. Definitely worth the thought. Then I found a more contemporary 1988 Lincoln Town Car on the side of the road. Perhaps this would be the first opportunity to plan for the government’s impending debt-icide for this country? What do you say John Q government subsidizer? As a dealer, should I now plan to start accumulating these insatiable steel coffins of eternal debtnation?

I think not. That’s the funny thing about these “special” programs. They are connivingly stupid, corrupt, parasitic and bring out the absolute lowest forms of “free ridership.” Over 99 percent of the American public will never participate in the cash for clunkers program in any way, shape or form. Well that’s not completely true. They’ll have their dimes put into the kitty of subsidization along with the dollars of foreign governments that will be rewarded with interest payments for generations to come. There may be a mention of “a million Americans” benefiting from this . . . but what about the other 299 million? Where’s their Yaris? Well, folks, how would you like a two for one special? Courtesy of Jim Q Bureaucrat’s arsenal of financial vaporware.

For every dollar spent, the government must cut two dollars away from its spending. Where to start? Perish the thought but how about the National Highway Traffic Safety Association? I don’t really need to be reminded to have a seat belt. Besides, Europe and Japan have these wonderful diesels and microcars that I would love to get my hands on.

So with that I would allow all cars to come into this country and let the US Customs Service focus on something really important. Like pistachios.

Finally, if we just eliminated the Department of Education, private financing of election campaigns, outsourced all of our violent felons to the North Koreans, and repealed the estate tax then, perhaps, maybe, we would have enough to fund this stupid program for everyone. Just stipulate that their has to be a seven mpg improvement in fuel economy and give those who already drive a car with 30+ mpg highway a small tax credit for keeping their car.

And that’s why I like old Cadillacs.