Wolfsburg to Stuttgart: "Take 'Em Off!"

by Bertel Schmitt

Published: May 19th, 2009

The Porsche/Piech family feud has reached high politics and the gutter—which, according to some views, is about the same. Chancellor Angela Merkel opened the “hot phase” of the (European, ho-hum) elections, notably in Wolfsburg, seat of Volkswagen.

She was flanked by Christian Wulff, premier of Lower Saxony, owner of 20 percent of Volkswagen. Also there—unusual for a campaign rally—VW CEO Martin Winterkorn, and VW’s workers’ council chief, Bernd Osterloh. A show of unwavering unity, a signal to Stuttgart. Their contribution to the election that sends representatives to Brussels? A salvo in the direction of Brussels: “We are fighting for a Europe that doesn’t interfere with all decisions,” said the Chancelloresse. “One of these sacrosanct decisions is the VW-Law.” The very law that keeps Lower-Saxony in the driver seat of VW and keeps the riff-raff from Stuttgart from taking control of Volkswagen. Premier Wulff said it more clearly: “The sole dominance of VW by Porsche has failed.” And it’s getting steamier . . .

All discussions have been called off for the time being. VW and Lower-Saxony demand that Porsche reveals its deepest darkest secrets: How many derivatives and options does Porsche have in what? Puts or calls? Strangles or straddles? Lower Saxony wants to see Porsche naked, literally, or at least figuratively: “We understand that on the way to the sauna, some want to hang on to their robe until the last moment,” said Wulff’s Secretary of State, Olaf Glaeseker. “However, the moment of truth for Porsche is near.” Take ’em off!

No way, says Porsche. “We are a chaste company,” said Porsche speaker Anton Hunger, “out of deep conviction.” They’ll keep their pants on, even if it gets hot and steamy. If anybody wants to know intimate details, why don’t they ask Piech? “Leading persons of Porsche know all the details,” said an unnamed Porsche source to Der Spiegel. “Why don’t do the VW folks go straight to the source?”

In the meantime, premier Wulff gives Porsche unsolicited investment advice, says Bloomberg. Why not leave it at their 51 percent share, Lower Saxony keeps 20 percent, and “a foreign investor,” preferably an Arab sheikh, buys the remaining 30 percent? And then join Porsche and VW and become “the world’s unrivalled Wulff said, with as straight a face as possible. Unsaid, but obvious: With Piech and Winterkorn in charge and Wiedeking, demure, a few rungs lower, or totally out. And maybe, an Arab investor will keep everybody fully dressed.

Stay tuned.

Bertel Schmitt

Bertel Schmitt comes back to journalism after taking a 35 year break in advertising and marketing. He ran and owned advertising agencies in Duesseldorf, Germany, and New York City. Volkswagen A.G. was Bertel's most important corporate account. Schmitt's advertising and marketing career touched many corners of the industry with a special focus on automotive products and services. Since 2004, he lives in Japan and China with his wife <a href="http://www.tomokoandbertel.com"> Tomoko </a>. Bertel Schmitt is a founding board member of the <a href="http://www.offshoresuperseries.com"> Offshore Super Series </a>, an American offshore powerboat racing organization. He is co-owner of the racing team Typhoon.

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2 comments

Motron on May 19, 2009

This is great drama. Please keep the stories coming. I am fascinated by the whole thing and can't get enough.

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Robert Schwartz on May 19, 2009

Metaphor Alert.

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