Australian Driver's Kitchenware Joyride Doesn't Pan Out

Anything that happens in Australia is already sort of funny, because we all remember the Simpsons episode where the Aussie locals play knifey-spoony and Homer salutes the toilet.

Well, from the land of Midnight Oil, Nicole Kidman and the defunct Ford Falcon Ute comes this story, thanks to Jalopnik, the South Australia Police, and a man who wouldn’t let a missing steering wheel end his motoring dreams.

According to a South Australia police report, cops were called to an Adelaide street on September 4 after a resident reported a suspicious red Mazda sedan and a strange man loitering nearby.

When they arrived, officers spied the red Mazda leaving the scene. Naturally, they followed the driver to a nearby parking lot, where they found that his vehicle’s standard equipment was somewhat lacking.

Instead of a boring steering wheel, this Mazda came equipped with a rare aftermarket accessory — a frying pan bolted to the steering hub, sans handle.

Police didn’t describe the man’s lifestyle, but the frying pan reads “17-7-14-14-5 Uncontrollable & driven to love only a beating HEART R.I.P. (unintelligible squiggles).” It appears that the heartfelt message was scrawled in Whiteout correction fluid, which is the ink of poets.

It turns out that the frying pan was the least of the driver’s concerns. Police booked the 32-year-old for driving unregistered and uninsured in a defective vehicle with the defect label removed. Also, the Mazda’s front license plate was altered (naughty…) and the driver was in violation of his bail conditions.

So, the cops impounded Adelaide Andy’s Mazda for 28 days. Hopefully, when it returns to the streets of sunny Australia, the new (or current) owner installs a wheel that provides some crash protection. We suggest this:

[Images: South Australia Police; Mike Mozart/ Flickr]