Australian Driver's Kitchenware Joyride Doesn't Pan Out

Steph Willems
by Steph Willems
australian drivers kitchenware joyride doesnt pan out

Anything that happens in Australia is already sort of funny, because we all remember the Simpsons episode where the Aussie locals play knifey-spoony and Homer salutes the toilet.

Well, from the land of Midnight Oil, Nicole Kidman and the defunct Ford Falcon Ute comes this story, thanks to Jalopnik, the South Australia Police, and a man who wouldn’t let a missing steering wheel end his motoring dreams.

According to a South Australia police report, cops were called to an Adelaide street on September 4 after a resident reported a suspicious red Mazda sedan and a strange man loitering nearby.

When they arrived, officers spied the red Mazda leaving the scene. Naturally, they followed the driver to a nearby parking lot, where they found that his vehicle’s standard equipment was somewhat lacking.

Instead of a boring steering wheel, this Mazda came equipped with a rare aftermarket accessory — a frying pan bolted to the steering hub, sans handle.

Police didn’t describe the man’s lifestyle, but the frying pan reads “17-7-14-14-5 Uncontrollable & driven to love only a beating HEART R.I.P. (unintelligible squiggles).” It appears that the heartfelt message was scrawled in Whiteout correction fluid, which is the ink of poets.

It turns out that the frying pan was the least of the driver’s concerns. Police booked the 32-year-old for driving unregistered and uninsured in a defective vehicle with the defect label removed. Also, the Mazda’s front license plate was altered (naughty…) and the driver was in violation of his bail conditions.

So, the cops impounded Adelaide Andy’s Mazda for 28 days. Hopefully, when it returns to the streets of sunny Australia, the new (or current) owner installs a wheel that provides some crash protection. We suggest this:

[Images: South Australia Police; Mike Mozart/ Flickr]

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  • Pwrwrench Pwrwrench on Sep 08, 2016

    Chronic industrial exposure to diacetyl fumes, such as in the microwave popcorn production industry, has been associated with bronchiolitis obliterans, a rare and life-threatening form of non-reversible obstructive lung disease in which the bronchioles (small airway branches) are compressed and narrowed by fibrosis (scar tissue) and/or inflammation. Bon Apetite! This stuff is the main ingredient in fake butter. Don't smell it if u want to keep breathing. People who make several servings a day have had lung damage, not just those who work in manufacturing it.

  • -Nate -Nate on Sep 08, 2016

    As so often ; A good article followed by even better comments ! =8-) . Greetings from Ganado, Az. -Nate

  • YellowDuck Thank goodness neither one had their feet up on the dash....
  • Zerofoo I learned a long time ago to never buy a heavily modified vehicle. Far too many people lack the necessary mechanical engineering skills to know when they've screwed something up.
  • Zerofoo I was part of this industry during my college years. We built many, many cars for "street pharmacists" that sounded like this.Excessive car audio systems are kind of like 800 HP engines. Completely unnecessary, but a hell of a lot of fun.
  • DedBull In it to win it!
  • Wolfwagen IIRC I remember reading somewhere that the Porsche Cayenne was supposed to have a small gasoline-powered block heater. There was a loop in the cooling system that ran to the heater and when the temperature got to a certain point (0°C)the vehicle's control unit would activate the heater. I dont know if this was a concept or if it ever made it into production.
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