By on July 15, 2014

You have to love the auto world. It’s a world where a Cimarroned-up version of the RAV4 is a sure-fire winner and an affordable FT86 competitor is a waste of time. The Russians get cheap Datsuns and we get expensive Volts. Meanwhile, the one-percenter train rolls on, now with additional boost for the V-12.

It Stands For “Next X-Wife”: Two solid reviews of the Lexus NX: one from Ben Stewart at R&T and one from AlexOnAutos.

He Also Believes Michael Buble Is A Competitor Of Sorts To Frank Sinatra: Poor Nissan! They just can’t seem to find the money to build the IDx rear-wheel-drive sports car. Pierre Loing, the vice-president in charge of making excuses for stuff, told Wards Auto that doing 50,000 units of such a car wouldn’t be “worth it”. Mr. Loing then (probably) produced a large mushroom from an inner coat pocket and ate it whole before exclaiming that he “believes Nissan’s Juke CUV is a competitor of sorts to the BRZ and FR-S, as it has similar performance characteristics, as well as a DI turbocharged 4-cyl.”

As Opposed To One Of The Least Modern Ones: Nissan tells us that “Bringing affordable quality motoring within the reach of up-and-coming Russian customers, the four-door, five-seat car is being built at the Togliatti plant in Russia, a partnership between the Renault-Nissan Alliance and AVTOVAZ. A special ceremony took place today to mark the first Datsun on-DO coming off the production line. The Datsun on-DO is being produced on one of the most modern lines in the AVTOVAZ facility. Plant personnel are using production techniques that have been developed and refined during the evolution of the Renault-Nissan Alliance, established 15 years ago.” Dumb-asses! The Renault Alliance was “established” in 1983 and it’s been “rusting” ever since.

Good Thing They Didn’t Bring The Eldorado Back, Because That Would Have Been A Total Failure: Automotive News reports that discounts on the ELR are swinging through the $14,000 mark on their way to an expected maximum that can be mathematically described as “whatever the Volt costs, minus what we have to pay customers to be seen in a Cadillac.” When asked to comment, Cadillac’s new head of marketing, Johann de Something, said, “The ELR is, and always has been, the Cadillac of Volts.”

And Ten Years From Now It Will Be On eBay For Thirty Grand: The S65AMG Coupe can lean into corners and it has a twin-turbo V12 and it’s massively quick and who really cares because I don’t think a single TTAC reader will buy one. The kind of people who buy these things don’t read any car magazines besides the duPont Registry. Wait, I take that back, there’s one current CL65 owner who reads TTAC. A tip of the fedora to our own doctorv8. Other than that, let’s face it: most of you are too cheap to buy the port-installed trunk liner in your Subaru Impreza, even though the guys at the port really need the work.

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32 Comments on “While You Were Sleeping: July 15, 2014...”

  • avatar

    I bet you can count the # of folks who cross-shopped the Juke and the GT86 on one hand. Of an amputee.

    • 0 avatar

      At least if the Nisimo version was AWD, Nissan wouldn’t sound so dang silly saying it. (Edit, oops I guess you can get it with AWD)

      It might not be as silly as you (or Jack) thinks. I could see a fan of Japanese performance trying out a Juke Nismo RS while shopping around. Especially if Scion dealers are as clueless as we have heard they are.

  • avatar

    Apparently the B&B are unable to understand the satire.

    Great work, Jack. I love these snarky summaries; they’re spot on.

  • avatar
    Nicholas Weaver

    Reminds me of when I looked at the ELR at the dealer

    “So what would it take to get you in this?” “Drop the price 20 grand…”

    (Although I lied. You need to drop it $25K…)

  • avatar

    By the time I agreed that the driving dynamics of the Juke and twins were equal, I was really liking the taste of the shrooms. The driving positions and centers of gravity turned out to be nearly identical.

  • avatar

    Trunk liner! Are you nuts? I ain’t payin’ for that…

  • avatar

    Okay, I’ll admit it: I like the ELR. maybe once discounts have it running towards the more reasonable $50k mark (not including government rebates) I’ll be interested.

    You’re right on the S65AMG Coupe though. Even if I did have the kind of money, I’d feel guilty not buying a brown E65AMG wagon instead. And a 1990 F-150 for the yardwork.

  • avatar
    Land Ark

    Man Nissan, you used to be cool.
    The IDx would essentially be a replacement for the 240sx, which only ever sold more than 50k in the US twice in its production run and then never came close again. Yet somehow Nissan is still afloat.
    Times have changed for the better in a lot of ways, like how your mom’s Venza can beat any super car from the 80s. But we’re definitely hurting for innovation because of stock value and market share.

    • 0 avatar

      I was thinking more 510 in spirit. Though I might rather have a 510. Like this one maybe.

      • 0 avatar
        Land Ark

        It’s definitely a nod to the 510, a retro-izing actually.
        But the 510 became the Sentra and blaaaaaaahhh.
        The 240sx was the most recent RWD car I can think of from Nissan without a Z in its name. And since it didn’t share platforms with anything and had the same production numbers that Nissan thinks is so intolerable, and was a cheap RWD enthusiast’s car it seems like a worthy successor.
        Alas, not gonna happen. I can clear that cash out of my bank account since I was ready to buy one as soon as they came out.

    • 0 avatar

      “Volume at all costs” is taking the industry in a most boring direction. And then when companies do take risks, you get the Murano convertible. It would have taken 40 or more years to move 50,000 of those.

  • avatar

    I will consider buying a new Cadillac ELR when the OTD price hits the sub $30,000 mark + I am able to receive a $7,500 tax credit, a used S65AMG Coupe in 4 years when an absolute mint one can be had for $27,878 in CPO MB form with a 120,000 mile/12 year extended warranty, and a trunk liner for an Impreza (that I don’t own) when it is less than $15 brand new off of Craigslist…

    …BECAUSE Janet Yellen.

  • avatar

    Yeesh! I’m glad to see news about the auto industry, but today’s writers are really hurting this board. The prejudicial, belligerent style of writing in this and the Corsa article make me wonder if I want to even continue receiving posts from TTAC. I may just have to start filtering certain by-lines so I don’t have to read all the hate.

  • avatar

    Another review of the NX here:

    Looks like Anton’s been channeling his inner JB.

  • avatar

    Nice work Jack. You make the boring housekeeping of auto journalism fun and engaging. Kudos to you sir for turning mundane wire stories into brilliant nuggets of snarkiness.

  • avatar

    Ah, Joni Mitchell, Pat Metheny, Lyle Mays, Michael Brecker, Jaco Pastorious, Don Alias… If it’s possible to wear out a CD I’d have done so. Were we talking about cars? The whole concert’s on YouTube:

  • avatar
    Jeff S

    @Vulpine–You could always read the comments on pickup and then you would be a little more forgiving of the writers on this site.

    • 0 avatar

      Where do you think I came from, Jeff? At least the articles are intelligently written and not intentionally belligerent. I won’t speak for the commenters though; they’re getting worse by the day!

  • avatar

    I was a bad boy. Before I finished the Lexus review on the R&T website, I saw the fast cash sweepstakes … and really, nothing but a free one would make me interested in a Lexus. OK, not even free. Well, my wife might make me take it.

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