Well, folks, the time has come: another Frankfurt Motor Show is in the books. Of course, by “Frankfurt Motor Show,” what I really mean is “Frankfurt Motor Show press days.” This is all us journalists care about, and by “us journalists” what I really mean is a bunch of well-paid professional writers and also me.
Anyway: I think we’re all pleased Frankfurt has come and gone successfully. I know I am. And I bet the citizens of Frankfurt feel the same way, since their city can now go back to its usual purpose of serving as an airline hub for Americans traveling to places like Greece.
But for those of you who missed Frankfurt, it’s time to provide a comprehensive, well-written guide to the unveilings at this year’s show. I think Autoblog has it. Instead, I have this:
Aston Martin released an all-new DB9 Centenary Edition with updated wheels and interior parts, eschewing the brand’s usual trend of a) making subtle changes to an existing model, and b) spending the next year trying to convince the automotive press it’s a new vehicle.
Audi used this year’s Frankfurt show to display the new Nanuk Concept, the latest in a series of concept cars intended to remind people Audis weren’t always front-wheel drive lease specials. Unfortunately, the Nanuk is unlikely to see production, largely because it isn’t a front-wheel drive lease special.
Audi’s other concept, the Sport Quattro, is a plug-in hybrid capable of reaching 60 mph in 3.7 seconds and driving 31 miles on electric power alone. Reached for comment, Elon Musk briefly chuckled before returning to that roadtrip with his kids.
Speaking of plug-in hybrids, BMW showed off its all-new i8, which offers two doors, four seats, and styling that BMW fanboys are currently convincing themselves that they like. Pricing will start around $136,000, though electric-only range is limited to just 22 miles. Reached for comment, Elon Musk laughed heartily before noting he would soon take his kids on a roadtrip “to Mars.”
Chevrolet unveiled its updated 2014 Camaro Convertible, which excited the show’s German attendees until Chevrolet announced it wouldn’t be sold as a five-door hatchback with hubcaps and a 1.2-liter turbodiesel engine.
Infiniti showed off its Q30 Concept, keeping to the brand’s strict rule that it must show off at least one concept car with huge wheels and no door handles at every major auto show. In an official press release about the Q30, Infiniti marketing direction Hughes Fabre used the term “premium-ness,” possibly forgetting that a press release can be edited later.
The Lamborghini Gallardo special editions have now hit critical mass, as the new LP 570-4 Squadra Corse is actually the exact same vehicle as the Gallardo Performante. When reached for comment, Lamborghini officials noted, “Who cares? Rich people are going to buy it anyway.”
The highlight of Land Rover’s booth in Frankfurt was a facelifted Discovery, known in the States as the LR4. The updated Disco garnered a lot of attention from European media, who photographed the “DISCOVERY” badge on the hood, and convention hall staff, who billed Land Rover for oil stains on the carpet.
Lexus’s big debut in Frankfurt was the LF-NX, a strangely-shaped SUV concept filled with jagged edges, bizarre holes, and unusual creases. After considerable prodding, Lexus admitted the concept was designed “in about 20 minutes, on a conference call.”
The Mercedes S-Class Plug-In Hybrid really excited a lot of people in attendance, although I couldn’t find any of them. Mercedes didn’t announce pricing, though its 19-mile electric-only range supposedly had Elon Musk “in stitches” before he realized there isn’t a single charging station in all of Utah.
Nissan revealed the all-new X-Trail, which will be sold stateside as the Rogue. Female drivers rejoiced, while male car shoppers thought to themselves: Am I comfortable enough with my sexuality to like this?
Porsche finally revealed its production-ready 918 Spyder, whose incredible, amazing, and tremendous Nurburgring lap record will stand, unbroken, until Ferrari gets around to it.
Maybe my favorite plug-in hybrid debut was the Range Rover Plug-In Hybrid, which is capable of traveling – I am not joking here – one single mile on electric power alone. Land Rover won’t sell this vehicle in the States, presumably out of fear that it will kill Elon Musk from a laughing-induced heart attack.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, was everything that happened in Frankfurt. Admittedly, I left out the Volkswagen Golf. But let’s be honest: you will too, when it comes time to buy your next car.
@DougDeMuro is the author of Plays With Cars and the operator of PlaysWithCars.com. He’s owned an E63 AMG wagon, road-tripped across the US in a Lotus without air conditioning, and posted a six-minute lap time on the Circuit de Monaco in a rented Ford Fiesta. One year after becoming Porsche Cars North America’s youngest manager, he quit to become a writer. His parents are very disappointed.
Excellent summary.
But you left out the VW e-Golf, which is the epitome of VW’s German Electrical Engineering. It promises to be as good as a Leaf, but 3 years late to the party.
Elon Musk jokes were funny. Is he going to overcome his past sins and become like able now?
I find it hard to believe.
*dead*
Admit it Doug, are you secretly the man behind Autoblopnik?
Hah! No. That stuff is very funny, but I don’t think I could make up as much as they do. Their stuff is much more like the Onion and I appreciate them for it.
Elon Musk laughed heartily before noting he would soon take his kids on a roadtrip “to Mars.”
That line made me laugh! You should write stuff for Seth Meyers, his delivery on that would have been perfect.
hahaha +1 on the seth meyers suggestion
“Unfortunately, the Nanuk is unlikely to see production, largely because it isn’t a front-wheel drive lease special.”
Good. It’s hideous.
“Porsche finally revealed its production-ready 918 Spyder…”
Good! Now to marry a rich female so I can get one…
Right now it is easy to reach Elon Musk for comment as he is waiting for his car to charge so he can continue his road trip.
In an i8 he would have the performance of an Audi R8 (V8), the fuel economy of a Toyota Corolla and all the range he needed. He also wouldn’t be stuck entertaining his bored kids while they wait for the battery to charge.
So you’ve already gotten over the styling, yeah?
But seriously, for going about it arguably the wrong way, Musk is really doing much better than the big players in the auto industry.
Story of the week, Jack give Doug a raise.
Mclaren has been a lot more noise about the ring than Ferrari has. I would expect the P1 to dethrone the 918 before the LaFerrari ever does, if there is even a factory attempt at the Ring.
… hold on… just checking the Chevrolet site, Damn! I knew it! The turbo-diesel Camaro is NOT available in brown or as a wagon either *sigh*
… watch for the CamaroVan – Chevy’s return to the minivan market.
What a ridiculous looking car.
That Lexus looks like a parade float of Darth Vader’s helmet.
Was this built by the guys who made the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile?
Is this poor copy the best that they can do?
Such products speak to the Asian educational system.
The question of hybrid and electric range was posted in one of Elon Musk’s early interviews, back in Roadster days. His answer was that it is all down to battery technology. Apparently, it is absolutely essential for hybrid to charge very quickly, otherwise regenerative braking is not going to capture its benefits. But such battery inevitably has a lower density. Thus, a hybrid is going to lose dramatically (about 4 to 5 times) in electric range to a pure electric car. Therefore, a plug-in hybrid must rely on its engine in practice, and therefore cannot do anything to dispose with oil as primary energy source for transportation, which is the sole ideology behind Tesla. This reasoning is a little convoluted, but think it through.
I know I might be in the minority, but I’m actually highly interested in the Lexus entry-level SUV. It’s been a market they’ve sorely ignored for years and years, and I’m actualOH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT KILL IT KILL IT NOW.
Great article, great jokes that all hit the mark, as in most great stories, there’s an element of truth going on. Good job!
The Lexus epitomizes – and caricatures – all that is wrong with current automotive design: high hood, enormous fish-mouth grill, oversized wheels, super low profile tires, high doors with narrow windows, unnecessary and numerous creases, folds and bulges. Next to this abomination, a Juke is almost attractive.
If they build this, the Aztek will fade into history as a comparative success story.
Very well put.
I was at the press days last week and I’m thinking that while this was a fine write up, Doug missed a trick by not covering such topics as ‘future mobility’ and ‘in-car (non) connectivity’. There’s got to be a few jokes in there to wind up Elon Musk.