By on March 4, 2011

As Chief Justice of the 24 Hours of LeMons Supreme Court, I receive many gifts from racers wishing to establish a foundation of mutual respect and understanding during the period in which I inspect the cars for possible cheating. The traditional judicial bribe tends to be a jug of top-shelf booze, but my drinking hasn’t kept pace with the intake of bottles of Stranahan’s bourbon and Zaya rum, and so I’ve been encouraging teams to bring weird diecast toy cars to lubricate the gears of justice. After the last round of LeMons Supreme Court diecast toy car bribes, I thought it would be hard to top the Leyland P76 and Moskvich 402, but the racers at the ’11 Southern Discomfort and the ’11 Gator-O-Rama have done so with the current crop of diecasts.

The Simca Aronde diorama looks nice on the surface, but it’s really the David Lynch movie of diecast car dioramas. When you look closely, the hitchhiker appears to be a cross between Frieda Kahlo and Sterling Hayden. The internal organs of the hapless Aronde driver will soon be pickling in fermaldihyde-filled jars in a shack off the main highway. Obviously, I love this judicial bribe.

This 1:18 scale ’66 Oldsmobile Toronado isn’t quite awesomely terrible enough for prime desk space in my office, but a 425-cubic-inch engine driving the front wheels via chains means I’ll find a spot for it.

This 1:40 scale Nissan Prairie was a gift from the team that ran a Prairie (badged as a Nissan Stanza Wagon in North America) in the Southern Discomfort race. If not for the performance of the NSF Racing ’62 Plymouth Fury, the Stanza Wagon would have taken the Index of Effluency award at that race.

Sure, it’s got some panel-gap issues, but check out the sliding side doors!

The real prize of this bunch-o-bribes has to be the 1962 Citroën HY van, which was held back as a reserve bribe by a team that waited until I really started sweating them over the dubious bookkeeping behind their car’s tasty aftermarket suspension parts. It’s in oddball 1:21 scale, which seems very French.

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18 Comments on “Weird Diecast Toy Car Bribes Continue To Flood The LeMons Supreme Court...”

  • avatar
    Educator(of teachers)Dan

    The top pic reminds me of a famous scene from the movie “Detroit Rock City” where some teen boys see an attractive female hitchhiker.
    “Pull over, this is how a lot of pornos start.”
    “So do a lot of horror movies.”

    • 0 avatar

      Besides the members if Kiss, I never knew anyone ever watched that movie.  How can there be a famous scene in a movie no one watched?

    • 0 avatar

      Cult classic. Nobody watched it in theaters but it became popular once it came out on DVD. See also “The Big Lebowski”, “Freaked” and “Idiocracy”.

    • 0 avatar
      thats one fast cat

      A great movie; I think you actually have the lines switched.  As I recall, the boys see the lovely lead standing by the side of the roads (denim shorts, my memory says) and one of the boys shouts to pull over.  At the request, one of the boys points out that this is the way horror movie starts, to which the stoned passenger says “yeah, but this is the way PORN movies start…”
      A great, great film.  And besides, it has Shannon Tweed in it (in a not ready for Cinemax role…)

  • avatar

    The Toronado looks like a pretty good model, but is it missing the hood?  The HY I get because it’s a classic, but the Prairie? Someone actually went to the trouble of making a diecast model of a Nissan Prairie? That sounds more like creative penance than gainful employment.  The Diorama  howeveris deeply weird, the hitchiker looks like someone grafted the head of a cigar store indian on Tonya Harding’s body, worse still it appears she’s going to be picked up by Chairman Mao in a Lancia Appia that seems to have some thyroid issues.

    • 0 avatar

      I think the Toronado just has its hidden headlights “on”.
      Is it just me, or is Tonya not to the same scale as Chairman Mao? Or does the Great Helmsman just have a giantess fetish?
      @DarrenDarby and/or Murilee–what is the ratio of engines trashed to actual miles driven of the typical LeMons vehicle?

    • 0 avatar

      I must correct myself, the car in the diorama is a not so slavish facismilie of a Simca Aronde.

    • 0 avatar

      @panzerfaust – unfortunately, this was the maiden voyage of my LeMons effort.  Given the course was about 2 miles, and we made 3 competitive laps but blew two motors, the ratio is not good :).  That is not the typical LeMons effort ratio, I am sure (or I hope?)

  • avatar

    The Citroen and the Oldsmobile came from the same team – Team NEMESIS!  Sad part was, bribes seem to be the only thing we got right.  Blew a motor in practice on Friday, swapped a new one in during an all-nighter, made 3 laps on Saturday and blew again :(. 

  • avatar

    The Citroen is the one that really makes me jealous of you, Murilee. I want that thing. Do me a favor, and tell me what company made it, so I can look for one on ebay. And if you want to send me some of your bourbon, that would be great. But I’m not interested in the rum.
    Forgive me ,panzerfaust, I would alter your statement about the diorama ever so slightly, to say that it’s deeply creepy. The rest is fine.

  • avatar

    I want to see the P76.

  • avatar

    The French follow no one, and no one follows the French.

  • avatar

    Ah, but has anyone ever tried to bribe you with a CT&T E-Zone? I doubt you have diecast models of obscure Korean EV makers.

  • avatar

    thanks Murilee!

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