Southern Discomfort LeMons: And The Real Winner Is…

Murilee Martin
by Murilee Martin
southern discomfort lemons and the em real em winner is

The Index of Effluency trophy goes to the 24 Hours of LeMons team that accomplishes the greatest feats with the most improbable car; if your team’s car is a horrifyingly rusty heap that sat in a field for decades prior to being resurrected for racing, is a type of vehicle that never belonged on a road course in the first place, and manages to clank through more than 200 tough laps on a car-killing track, you have an excellent shot at taking home the coveted IOE. The NSF Racing 1962 Plymouth Fury accomplished this feat at this weekend’s Southern Discomfort race.

Nothing whatsoever came easy for the NSF team and their Rust Monster-gnawed Fury; the team got flagged off the track endlessly for mechanical problems and never did manage to put together a single stint of more than a few dozen laps at one time. The much-abused, quadrillion-mile 340 engine suffered from so much blow-by that oil was being forced out of every possible gasket and orifice and onto the headers, where huge billows of smoke would follow the car; bad piston rings caused more oil smoke to spew from the tailpipe… and the smoking problem was just the beginning of NSF’s troubles. The brakes failed on several occasions, for a different reason each time. The driver’s seat broke. The brake lights stopped working. The brake lights were on all the time. Octillion-mile parts and 1950s suspension technology made the Fury handle like a Mississippi grain barge, which made it by far the slowest thing on the track. More oil smoke. The carburetor stopped working. Yet more oil smoke. Meanwhile, the Fury’s toughest IOE rival (a hilariously bad Nissan Stanza Wagon) kept grinding out slow, steady lap progress all weekend. When the green flag waved, however, the Plymouth’s 218 laps were deemed more effluent than the Sputnik Stanza’s 441 laps. Congratulations, NSF Racing!

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4 of 14 comments
  • SCE to AUX This is not a race worth winning.
  • JMII These would sell better if they came with a service to drop it off (with new tires and brakes) at which ever track you decided to visit per weekend. While its small it still doesn't fit on a private jet and there aren't many tracks close to where your yacht can be docked. 1st world problems here.
  • JMII Its an SUV so I am shocked they don't already offer it.
  • Analoggrotto As we Tesla owners receive our life energy from the greatest son of the gods of all time, Elon Musk; His cherubs and His nephilim may remove whatever they wish from us for unto him we owe all for our superiority above all the rest of humanity.
  • Kcflyer Nice to see California giving NY some competition to be the worst run state in the union.