Bye Bye Green Audi

Jack Baruth
by Jack Baruth
bye bye green audi

Two months ago I wrote about the rather bizarre manner in which the drooling idiots of the world reacted to my Audi S5 and the eBay auction of same. Here are some of my favorite comments:

How to spoil a good looking car with a cheap paint job! Boak!!

looks very cheap and shitty in that stupid green

oh no no no looks like the ugky duckling of a grass patch

While you guys are sitting idle saying “do not want” I’ll wait for this car to drop in price then buy it and paint it a respectable color.

Looks like a watermelon on wheels….this is going to be a tough sell.

Were they correct?

Of course not. I’ve been relatively quiet about this until today, but I am pleased to announce that early in August I sold the S5 to a rather discerning fellow on the Left Coast. Although there were a few mitigating factors added to his bid — I had the car Audi Certified at a dealership and replaced some rather expensive wear items — it also pleases me to note that no other S5 of similar mileage and condition has fetched anything like the same money. Most people who buy used German cars are looking to save a buck, but this fellow was perfectly aware of the wait and hassle involved in doing an Exclusive-color S5 and simply wanted to save time.

My broker, Auto Adrenaline‘s principal Jody Moggenberg, predicted early on in the process that this car would be sold in a private transaction. Jody reached out to his network of high-net-worth individuals and simply let them know the car was available. In that rarefied world, cars must be unique to be worthwhile; he’s currently brokering an “Azzurro California Blue” F430 Scuderia, a nearly perfect, low-mileage DeLorean, and a Switzer-prepped 997 Turbo with over eight hundred horsepower at the wheels. It took him about two weeks to put the deal together, and before I knew it my S5 had been whisked away to San Francisco. The only thing that kept the deal from being perfect for everyone involved: the buyer didn’t need or want my Borbet wheels and Dunlop winter tires. Oh well. Those, I think, will sell on eBay because the average twentysomething S5 owner who lives with his indulgent parents and makes the payments with his McJob can put them on his silver-with-black-interior “whip”, yo.

I’ll miss the Audi; it took me everywhere from the Deep South to the “CTS-V Challenge” television show. The fact that I put 33,000 miles on it in 19 months, however, made me realize that I needed something better-suited to my odometer-rolling lifestyle. Did I mention that I drove nearly 35,000 miles on my Porsches, and 7,000 miles on my second Phaeton, during the same period?

I hope the story of the Audi’s quick and fairly-priced sale encourages others to go out and make some fearless choices with their cars. The entire world doesn’t have to be “griege”. Not every choice you make has to be made with one eye on what everyone else is doing. I found it amusing that my pal Nick Salvatore from Speed:Sport:Life took delivery of his “Glut Orange” S5 right as I was selling my green one:

I don’t know what he’s thinking! LOL FAILZ! ALL AUDIS SHOULD BE SILVER BECAUSE THAT IS THE COLOR THEY ALL ARE IN THE GERMANY I HAVE NEVER VISITED OR TAKEN ANY TIME TO LEARN ABOUT! I hope Nick finds ownership of a one-of-a-kind car to be as fun, rewarding, and interesting as I found my time with the green one to be.

For the month after the Audi left, I pressed my pair of modern Porsches into service as daily drivers. They’re now both filthy inside and out. The Boxster is showing a Check Engine light; the 993 is down to the metal cords on the inside of its rear Goodyears. It was time for me to find another car. This one’s far more conventional than the last one, but I expect to be just as satisfied with it. And it contains real Panther…

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2 of 67 comments
  • Zbnutcase Zbnutcase on Sep 15, 2010

    Gettin a Crown Vic??

  • Hugh59 Hugh59 on Nov 30, 2014

    Oh, I wish I had known you while you still had that Audi. I own a 1999 Audi A4 Quattro that is Cactus Green. But I also own a 1974 VW Superbeetle convertible in Ravenna Green...also known as Porsche Green. I park the two cars next to each other. I see that bright (lime) green is coming back into style. I have seen Jeeps and Ford Mustangs and Chrysler cars in that color.

  • SCE to AUX Toyota the follower, as usual. It will be 5 years before such a vehicle is available.I can't think of anything innovative from them since the Gen 1 Prius. Even their mythical solid state battery remains vaporware.They look like pre-2009 General Motors. They could fall hard.
  • Chris P Bacon I've always liked the looks of the Clubman, especially the original model. But like a few others here, I've had the Countryman as a rental, and for the price point, I couldn't see spending my own money on one. Maybe with a stick it would be a little more fun, but that 3 cylinder engine just couldn't provide the kick I expected.
  • EBFlex Recall number 13 for the 2020 Explorer and the 2020 MKExplorer.
  • CEastwood Every time something like this is mentioned it almost never happens because the auto maker is afraid of it taking sales away from an existing model - the Tacoma in this instance . It's why VW never brought the Scirrocco and Polo stateside fearful of losing Golf sales .
  • Bca65698966 V6 Accord owner here. The VTEC crossover is definitely a thing, especially after I got a performance tune for the car. The loss of VTEC will probably result in a slower vehicle overall for one reason: power under the curve. While the peak horsepower may remain the same, the amount of horsepower and torque up to that peak may be less overall. The beauty of variable cam lift is not only the ability to gain more power at upper rpm’s on the “big cam”, but the ability to gain torque down low on the “small cam”. Low rpm torque gets the vehicle moving and then big horsepower at upper rpm’s gains speed. Having only one cam profile is now introducing a compromise versus the VTEC setup. I guess it’s possible that with direct injection they are able to keep the low rpm torque there (I’ve read that DI helps with low rpm torque) but I’m skeptical it will match a well tuned variable lift setup.