Bye Bye Green Audi

Jack Baruth
by Jack Baruth

Two months ago I wrote about the rather bizarre manner in which the drooling idiots of the world reacted to my Audi S5 and the eBay auction of same. Here are some of my favorite comments:

How to spoil a good looking car with a cheap paint job! Boak!!

looks very cheap and shitty in that stupid green

oh no no no looks like the ugky duckling of a grass patch

While you guys are sitting idle saying “do not want” I’ll wait for this car to drop in price then buy it and paint it a respectable color.

Looks like a watermelon on wheels….this is going to be a tough sell.

Were they correct?

Of course not. I’ve been relatively quiet about this until today, but I am pleased to announce that early in August I sold the S5 to a rather discerning fellow on the Left Coast. Although there were a few mitigating factors added to his bid — I had the car Audi Certified at a dealership and replaced some rather expensive wear items — it also pleases me to note that no other S5 of similar mileage and condition has fetched anything like the same money. Most people who buy used German cars are looking to save a buck, but this fellow was perfectly aware of the wait and hassle involved in doing an Exclusive-color S5 and simply wanted to save time.

My broker, Auto Adrenaline‘s principal Jody Moggenberg, predicted early on in the process that this car would be sold in a private transaction. Jody reached out to his network of high-net-worth individuals and simply let them know the car was available. In that rarefied world, cars must be unique to be worthwhile; he’s currently brokering an “Azzurro California Blue” F430 Scuderia, a nearly perfect, low-mileage DeLorean, and a Switzer-prepped 997 Turbo with over eight hundred horsepower at the wheels. It took him about two weeks to put the deal together, and before I knew it my S5 had been whisked away to San Francisco. The only thing that kept the deal from being perfect for everyone involved: the buyer didn’t need or want my Borbet wheels and Dunlop winter tires. Oh well. Those, I think, will sell on eBay because the average twentysomething S5 owner who lives with his indulgent parents and makes the payments with his McJob can put them on his silver-with-black-interior “whip”, yo.

I’ll miss the Audi; it took me everywhere from the Deep South to the “CTS-V Challenge” television show. The fact that I put 33,000 miles on it in 19 months, however, made me realize that I needed something better-suited to my odometer-rolling lifestyle. Did I mention that I drove nearly 35,000 miles on my Porsches, and 7,000 miles on my second Phaeton, during the same period?

I hope the story of the Audi’s quick and fairly-priced sale encourages others to go out and make some fearless choices with their cars. The entire world doesn’t have to be “griege”. Not every choice you make has to be made with one eye on what everyone else is doing. I found it amusing that my pal Nick Salvatore from Speed:Sport:Life took delivery of his “Glut Orange” S5 right as I was selling my green one:

I don’t know what he’s thinking! LOL FAILZ! ALL AUDIS SHOULD BE SILVER BECAUSE THAT IS THE COLOR THEY ALL ARE IN THE GERMANY I HAVE NEVER VISITED OR TAKEN ANY TIME TO LEARN ABOUT! I hope Nick finds ownership of a one-of-a-kind car to be as fun, rewarding, and interesting as I found my time with the green one to be.

For the month after the Audi left, I pressed my pair of modern Porsches into service as daily drivers. They’re now both filthy inside and out. The Boxster is showing a Check Engine light; the 993 is down to the metal cords on the inside of its rear Goodyears. It was time for me to find another car. This one’s far more conventional than the last one, but I expect to be just as satisfied with it. And it contains real Panther…

Jack Baruth
Jack Baruth

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  • Zbnutcase Zbnutcase on Sep 15, 2010

    Gettin a Crown Vic??

  • Hugh59 Hugh59 on Nov 30, 2014

    Oh, I wish I had known you while you still had that Audi. I own a 1999 Audi A4 Quattro that is Cactus Green. But I also own a 1974 VW Superbeetle convertible in Ravenna Green...also known as Porsche Green. I park the two cars next to each other. I see that bright (lime) green is coming back into style. I have seen Jeeps and Ford Mustangs and Chrysler cars in that color.

  • Wolfwagen Pennsylvania - Two long straights, 1 medium straight, 1 super short straight and a bunch of curves all on one end
  • Haze3 EV median weight is in the range of 4500-5500lbs, similar to the low end of full size pickup trucks and SUV's or typical mid-size PU's and SUV's. Obviously, EV Hummers and PU's are heavier but, on average, EV=PU or mid/full SUV is about right. EV's currently account for ~1% of the cars on the road. PU's account for 17% and SUV's count for over 40%. If we take out light SUV's, then call it 30% SUV or so. So, large-ish PU's and SUV's, together, account for ~50% of the US fleet vs 1% for EV's. As such, the fleet is ALREADY heavy. The problem is that EV's will be making the currently lighter 50% heavier, not that PU/SUV haven't already done most of the damage on avg mass.Sure, the issue is real but EV responsibility is not. If you want to get after heavies, that means getting after PU/SUV's (the current problem by 40-50x) first and foremost.
  • Redapple2 Telluride over Acadian (sic-tip cap-canada). 1 better car. 2 60 % us/can content vs 39 THIRTY NINE for an "American" car. 3 no UAW labor. Smart people drive Tellurides. Not so smart for the GMC. Dont support the Evil GM Vampire.!
  • Theflyersfan My dad had a 1998 C280 that was rock solid reliable until around 80,000 miles and then it wasn't. Corey might develop a slight right eyelid twitch right about now, but it started with a sunroof that leaked. And the water likely damaged some electric components because soon after the leaks developed, the sunroof stopped working. And then the electrical gremlins took hold. Displays that flickered at times, lights that sometimes decided illumination was for wimps so stayed home, and then the single wiper issue. That thing decided to eat motors. He loved that car but knew when to fold the hand. So he bought a lightly used, off lease E-class. Had that for less than two years before he was ready to leave it in South Philly, keys in the ignition, doors unlocked, and a "Take it please" sign on the windshield. He won't touch another Benz now.
  • Detlump A lot of people buy SUVs because they're easier to get in and out of. After decades of longer, lower, wider it was refreshing to have easier ingress/egress offered by an SUV.Ironically, the ease of getting in and out of my Highlander is very similar to my 56 Cadillac.