Toyota Invents Crash Test Dummy With Guts

Toyota announces a gut-wrenching innovation: Crash test dummies with intestines. I remember the unappetizing times when crash tests were performed with (dead) pigs, or, even more gross, with human corpses (not for public consumption.) The crash test dummy changed all this. No species developed faster than the anthropomorphic test device, a.k.a. the crash test dummy. Now, it made a big leap forward.

From crude beginnings in the 70s, more and more sophisticated dummies evolved. The dummy had a wife. The dummies had children. Following generations progressed rapidly. As crashes were more and more computer simulated, computer simulated crash test dummies begun to populate the virtual world.

All the while, the crash test dummy species was haunted by a big problem: Lack of internal organs. It’s damage to internal organs that kills you, and those organs could not be easily replicated. Until now.

In the labs of Toyota city a humanoid was created that would make Dr. Frankenstein faint with envy. The new guy is called THUMS 4, as in Total HUman Model for Safety, version 4.

The adult male of average build has detailed models of internal organs, which sets him apart from previous iterations that were all bones and brain. The brain was added in the previous release.

According to Toyota, THUMS 4 will yield 14 times more information than the previous generation of dummies, and represents a quantum leap in the studies of internal injuries. Damages to internal organs account for approximately half of all injuries sustained during automobile collisions.

Soon, THUMS 4 will receive a wife and a larger male cousin. With all internal organs properly in place, a child should not be far off, and with the help of Toyota technicians, even more sophisticated generations will be bred.

Toyota will not keep THUMS 4 to themselves. In fall of 2010, you can place an order with Toyota Technical Development Corporation, a TMC subsidiary, and they’ll sell you one.