By on March 27, 2010

BMW has filed trademark registrations for a series of new car names. According to reports, the names registered include i1, i2, i3, i4, i5, i6, i7, i8, i9 and E1, E2, E3, E4, E5, E6, E7, E8, E9. The M50d, Urbanic, Gran Coupe, Compactive, and Compactive Tourer names were also filed.

Autocar reports on fresh brand-equity casualties in BMW’s battle for mainstream territory. According to our sophisticated car name evaluation system, “Compactive Tourer” is the only moniker in this bunch that comes close to making the cut. But hey, it’s better than naming sub-1-Series BMWs after fractions. Or worse.

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30 Comments on “Quote Of The Day: The Nightmare Continues Edition...”

  • avatar

    Is an Urbanic what you take in order to relieve symptoms of a Compactive?

  • avatar

    What was wrong with the old style names that used to mean something. Liters was it? And, “Kompressor” for turbos… Oh wait maybe that was Benz? I don’t really remember it all but seemed very German of them. What with the hybrid implements, maybe they can just tack on a watt rating? Ex: 330+400W. Or, the model for mainstream US, the hybridized (if that is a word?) 330 would become: 0.792515Eco . Explanation: .792515 is engine capacity in gallons as liters and cubic inches are unknown measurements to mainstream drivers; Eco is for “Environmentally friendly in a way that makes you think so because we put the word ‘Eco’ on it”.

    I also think they should have registered “Douche Coupe”, “Wanker Wagon”, and “Pretentious Chariot of Scorn”. But, that’s just my .02.

  • avatar

    They’re adding i to the beginning of vehicle names because its hip and trendy oh my fucking god what a train wreck.

  • avatar

    I like this particular BMW better than others aesthetically. The name isn’t that important to me. I like a drivers car that looks good (to me anyway). The numbers did used to mean something. Now it’s just part of the name. Too bad. I wonder if the SL600 still has a V12?

  • avatar

    As someone who’s (deliberately) gotten through life without purchasing an iPod, iPhone, iPad, or iWhatever; I seriously doubt if you’re going to get me to buy something called an i1, etc.

    And wasn’t E9 already used years, er, decades ago? OK, not as the number on the trunklid, but it still automatically meant BMW something-or-other.

  • avatar

    That car looks like Chris Bangle’s version of a Hyundai Accent.

  • avatar

    Isn’t a small “i” followed by a number Hyundai’s naming convention in some markets? Granted, they use two digits, but it still doesn’t seem like something BMW would want to copy.

    • 0 avatar

      Yeah, I wondered about that, too. Down here Hyundai already sells the i30, and I think in Europe they sell an i20 aswell as the i30, not to mention the ix35 (ex-Tucson). Maybe BMW is so caught up in itself nobody in the company even bothered to look in the market and see this “problem”?

  • avatar

    Intel is shipping a family of CPUs called i3, i5, and i7. I wonder if this is setting up a trademark lawsuit? Usually this is resolved peacefuly by an agrement for BMW not to build computer chips and Intel not to make cars. But I heard of DEC and Bissell having a suit over the name “VAX” across disparate industries (although it also ended peacefuly).

  • avatar

    What is the car in the picture? That is one of the best looking concepts I’ve seen in a while.

    • 0 avatar

      I agree, the car in the photo looks good. It would be really cool with rear wheel drive, no iDrive, and no active steering. I’d like to see a 4 door as well, but I don’t know if it would ruin the proportions.

    • 0 avatar

      not a concept just can’t buy it in the USA.

      its a BWW 1 Series 3 door hatchback.

    • 0 avatar
      Mirko Reinhardt

      What? The 1-series hatchback looks nothing like that. THAT’s a BMW 1-series hatch:

  • avatar

    Nice looking concept. I look forward to a fwd BMW, they could be small and sporty and not have to be retro MINI styled.

    I do wish their names would be the engine size again but then they run into trouble with n/a and turbo versions of the same engine blocks.

    Do ditch the sDrive/xDrive crap. The whole advantage of alpha/numeric is you say the Brand then Model. If it gets to long in total you start to cut it because it doesn’t roll off easily. Look at that really sweet BMW X6 xDrive50i next to the BMW Z4 sDrive35i and the Nissan Sentra SE-R Spec V…

  • avatar

    Oh man….will the starter make a sound like a 1980’s Kitchen compactor winding down on a bunch of cans? Whirrrrrrr-POP-BANG-whirrrr-BANG-CRUNNNNNCH–whirrererer-whirrrrUNNNNH…followed by rewind sound. ‘Cause it if’n it don’t I won’t buy one no matter what!

  • avatar

    The Hyundai connection is a sore point. Consider that the indian-made Hyundai i10 is one of the smallest and cheapest cars on the road a sane person could consider buying (sane: ergo, they’re not buying rebadged 1990’s Maruti Altos, Chery QQs or Chevrolet/Daewoo Sparks/Matizes), I doubt BMW would want an i1 to be associated with it.

    @mpresley: I believe that one too many Gran Coupes will give you an awful Compactive.

  • avatar

    This was the first time I’ve read the linked article about the TTAC naming rule, and since it’s late and my baby is sleeping, I had to stop reading a third of the way through the comments with tears streaming down my face from suppressed laughter.

    I’ll never think of my days driving an ____ Escort and an ____ Mystique the same way again.

  • avatar

    Compaction is more like it!

  • avatar

    Doesn’t BMW realize that E1 through E9 are military pay grades for the enlisted?

  • avatar

    I still say “Elantra” sounds like gears grinding on some large piece of 19th century machinery. “Compactive” probably refers to the malady that’s eating most of the stylists these days. Numbers used to be used on the downmarket models. My parents’ ’57 Chevy 210 wagon didn’t even have a radio, and the cruiserline ventiports were indentations without any chrome. On the other hand, the Chevy badge was very classy, and the car did have nice hubcaps. My Accord should have such nice hubcaps!

  • avatar

    I dunno, “Compactive” evokes an image of a trash compactor. Must be really tight inside.

  • avatar

    Who cares if its called the “Compactive Tourer i7 SDrive35is” as long as it drives like a BMW should. I am more concerned about brand dilution through mass market appeal than silly names.

  • avatar

    E1 through E9 are US military rankings.
    E1 Private, E2 Private with a stripe, E3 Private First Class, E4 Specialist or Corporal depending on specialty, E5 Sergeant, E6 Staff Sergeant, E7 Sergeant First Class, E8 Master Sergeant, E9 Sergeant Major or God.

  • avatar

    This is a nightmare?
    I have different nightmares than you then. This is a great looking little car, and I certainly don’t have a problem with the names. Or front wheel drive on smaller, lower powered BMWs.

    Mayber if BMW had a rotational cycle where they would build whatever model they did 15 years prior that then all the wankers would be satisfied.

    Some of you are actually admitting to not wanting to buy a car because you don’t like the name?

  • avatar

    They missed iBimmer.

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