Piston Slap: Our Man Monty Thinks He's Better Than an F-body

Sajeev Mehta
by Sajeev Mehta
piston slap our man monty thinks he s better than an f body

TTAC’s very own William C. Montgomery writes:

I have a friend that is an incurable GM F-Body fanatic; he currently owns a Camaro (daily driver) and a Firebird (big block restoration project). He just turned 29 and should have outgrown these pubescent urges by now. His life is a never ending automotive drama of slumming around junk yards for cheap fixes, trolling online forums and classified ads, and experimenting with mail order enhancements to cure perceived performance problems.

I know you haven’t been able to kick your Fox Platform habit. Even so, I would like to know what you think I could do to help cure him from this filthy F-Body addiction.

Sajeev answers:

Ladies and Gentlemen, since Bill and I go way back, I gotta keep it real this time.

See, the problem with guys like Bill Montgomery is they put F-body worship behind adoration of their lovely wife and beautiful children. They only have time for a hit of the Pistonhead sauce on a freeway sweeper in their 2001 Honda Accord.

But Mr. Montgomery, your Accord does not complete you. You’ll have an overabundance of free time (and money) after the kiddos leave the nest. The dormant passion for hot Firebirds (or perhaps sleeper Lincolns, Fairmont sedans and wood-paneled Cougar wagons (motivated by 5.0 monsters?) will rise up and burn. Burn like a nasty itch.

The need for personal expression via skid marks [on the street], Journey’s Greatest Hits at high volume and the freedom to shamelessly perform bodily functions like a solo artist is undeniable. Go ahead and give in: crank up the tunes, pop the T-tops, drop the clutch, let ’er rip and act like it’s all cool. Because it is. And you are.

Thanks to Bill, everyone knows my mad automotive skills works wonders with the ladies, so when the time is right, I’ll hook you up with my Thunder-Mustang-Conti-LTD-Cobra infused Cougar XR-7 and show you the light.

After all, misery loves company.

[Please send you mechanical queries to sajeev.mehta@thetruthaboutcars.com]

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2 of 18 comments
  • Bodyonframe Bodyonframe on Apr 20, 2009

    wow, guess I'm on my way to being old. I'm 24, live near Detroit (Ypsilanti), graduate Eastern Mich. in Dec. and have proudly owned a not so stock 1982 Firebird since 2002. Only question is what will I do with it once GM goes C11?

  • David C. Holzman David C. Holzman on Apr 20, 2009

    You'll get ever more clever about where to find parts. Or make them yourself. And have a great time doign it.

  • Master Baiter Might as well light 50 $100 bills on fire.
  • Mike1041 At $300K per copy they may secure as much as 2 or 3 deposits of $1,000
  • Sgeffe Why on Earth can’t you just get the torque specs and do it yourself if you’re so-inclined?!
  • Sgeffe As was stated in another comment, the FAA nominee went down in flames. But the NTSB chairwoman certainly didn’t, and she’s certainly not qualified either!Lots of this kind of stuff going on both sides of the aisle—Ben Carson would have arguably made a better Surgeon General than HUD Secretary under Trump, for example.
  • Art Vandelay Interesting, the Polestar 2 I had as a rental utilized Android Automotive which is what GM said it is going to exclusively, yet it still offers Apple CarPlay according to this. Wonder if GM will do the same.