Porsche's Net Profit Soars 52 Percent. Or More.

porsche s net profit soars 52 percent or more
Hedge fund fornicator Luxury car maker Porsche has just announced their numbers for their last 2007/2008 fiscal. You guessed it: while the rest of the world is retching in the WC, Porsche’s profits are up a pornographic 52 percent. “The Stuttgart-based maker of the ass-engined sports car 911, IMS- challenged Boxster/Cayman and Cayenne SUV reported a net profit of nearly 6.4b Euros ($8.2b) for the year that ended July 31. That’s compared to the 4.2b Euros Porsche earned in the 2006-2007 year,” tickers The Associated Press to the world’s flabbergasted financial editors. The numbers are so mind-blowing that there are different accounts of the accounting data. The Wall Street Journal has on its wire that Porsche’s profits “soared 46% to €8.57 billion Euros, or about $10.9 billion.” (The €8.57b number is repeated by Deutsche Welle, the €6.4b figure is popular with Bloomberg. We’ll see. A few billion more or less don’t matter, we guess. Mum’s the word on Porsche’s Investors Relations page. We’ll probably have to wait until Monday, after they are done partying. Meanwhile…

Whatever the true profits may be, the boys from Zuffenhausen are a good deal closer to making more profits than sales. “Eighty percent of their profits “came not from making cars but from sophisticated financial instruments connected to a protracted takeover bid Porsche Automobil Holding SE has been pursuing for a company many times its size, Volkswagen AG,” sez the WSJ. Wouldn’t it have been for the nasty “development costs related to its upcoming Panamera line, along with work on a hybrid drive for the Cayenne and more fuel-efficient engines,” Porsche probably would have made a profit of more than 100 percent of sales. Darn.

In tune with current couture, profit pornographer Porsche slipped into their announcement the usual language about “the current economic situation, which is extremely tense due to the U.S. mortgage crisis and the financial market crisis.” Their sales are unshattered by these seismic effects: Porsche sales are up 1.2 percent to 98,652 units, or 1.3 percent to €7.5b – that according to AP. Using the AP numbers for a minute, Porsche makes a profit of $82,390 on every car, tricking more fools to enter this business. Readers of the WSJ will think Porsche clears $110,489 on every car, prodding them into committing suicide, because they had listened to Cramer in 2006 and loaded up on GM when it was cheap.

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  • Kurt. Kurt. on Nov 10, 2008

    Heil Porsche! How refreshing for a company to do what's best...for the company! Who would have thought we'd see that in the auto industry? I bet every Porsche employee sleeps better knowing that the company is strong and can pay its promises. German (and EU) leaders must be overjoyed at the estimated 3 billion in taxes they will get from the small auto industry in Zuffenhausen. Think of how many will be funded with that kind of money - money that won't have to come out of the "little guys" pocket. Money that can be saved so "the little guy" can ...buy a PORSCHE!

  • Njoneer Njoneer on Nov 10, 2008

    You missed the big-picture auto industry impact in Porsche's reported profits: Porsche is the World's Most Profitable Auto Company in spite of the auto business. The stock market game they won had nothing to do with their core business of selling sports cars. Every other auto company is reporting reduced sales and reduced profits. Toyota even lost money in North America for the last 2 quarters. The Truth is that the global auto industry stinks. There is no way to make money in the auto biz, except for Porsche's leveraged takeover of VW.

  • MRF 95 T-Bird Sears and JC Whitney also had similar dune buggy kits. The VW accessories along with the running gear for legal use just bolted on. Hmm Amazon? A Bradley GT or Kelmark kit using an electric “skateboard” platform would also be cool.
  • Inside Looking Out Cadillac now associates with rap music. In the past it was all about rock'n'roll. Rap is environmentally friendlier than rock'n'roll.
  • EBFlex This is nothing compared to what Ford is doing. The fake lightning is seeing massive price increases for 2023. Remember how they self pleasured themselves about the fake lightning starting under $40k? In 2023, the price jumps by a very Tesla like $7,000. And that’s not the biggest price jump. And much less talked about, the government fleet discounts are going away. So for a basic 3.3L Explorer, the price is jumping $8,500. S basic F150 is also now $8,500 more. Im sure the same people that complained about the oil companies making “obscene profits” will say the same thing about Ford.
  • Bobbysirhan Sometimes it seems like GM has accepted that the customers they still have are never going to come to their senses and that there aren't any new dupes on the horizon, so they might as well milk their existing cows harder.
  • Buickman how about LowIQ?
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