You Have GOT to Be Kidding

Financial advisers seem to agree that a panic-fueled stock market decline has opened a number of opportunities to snag solid investments on the cheap. Stock in solid, well-proven companies is being sold at huge discounts as panic grips the market. So why in the name of price-earnings ratios is the Detroit News shilling Ford and GM stock? Well, to be fair, the newspaper itself isn’t hyping stocks, because “Biz Insider can’t officially offer investment guidance into purchases of General Motors Corp. or Ford Motor Co. stock.” And why would they, when they have professional misleaders for that job? Former Chrysler spokesman and now Compuware Corp. veep Jason Vines “shared his own thoughts on the stock at the annual Automotive Hall of Fame dinner, telling the crowd of auto aficionados to buy, buy, buy Ford and GM paper.” No, seriously. And guess what else Vines would suggest you buy?

Chrysler stock. Too bad that the company is completely fucked privately held and doesn’t offer stock. Or, as Vines puts it, “they just have a three-headed Devil dog over there.” Seriously, wow. Though this blogger is certainly not qualified to offer investment advice, while there are surely some values out there in the automotive sector, you have to be dumber than shit on a stick to buy Ford or GM right now. These are not “solid firms selling at a discount based on irrational panic,” these are “dogs.” Plain and simple. Not convinced? DetN proves the point a short paragraph later. “Ford Executive Chairman Bill Ford Jr. has seen his nearly 5 million shares decline in value by about $16 million since Sept. 30, and that doesn’t include the stack of cash he and his family have lost from their preferred shares. Also watching a Ford fortune whittle away is billionaire investor Kirk Kerkorian, who has seen his $1 billion play in the company fall to just over $300 million. Across town at GM, Vice Chairman Bob Lutz is the biggest owner of company paper with 81,360 shares, meaning he’s lost nearly $400,000 this month. Don’t worry, though, they’ll all be fine.”