By on December 17, 2007

p0041039.jpgAbout nine months ago, a BMW X5 went out drinking with a Scion tC. They had way too much Jose Cuervo and yada yada yada… And since BMW is a traditional Catholic, it didn't have a lot of options. Now after carrying their tequila inspired offspring to term, the X6 has been born. Pictures of this new BMW landed with a dull thud over the weekend as embargoes were broken- yet again- across the web. BMW calls the new arrival a "Sports Activity Coupe," which my Cray supercomputer tells me abbreviates to the unfortunate acronym SAC. Looking at the X6 pictures, it looks like a SAC, what with the SUV body and hideous sloping rear hatchback. There was a time when the term "coupe" meant something. I'm not being idealistic, I'm just confused. Because "coupe" now apparently means jacked-up four-door SUV with a low roofline. The silver lining to this charcoal cloud? The BMW SAC will debut a new engine: a twin turbocharged 4.4 liter V8 with 400 horsepower and 450 ft. lbs. of torque. Considering how heroinific the turbocharged 3.0 liter I6 is, and how fantastic BMW's V8s are, this engine alone will probably make this unfortunate SAC worthwhile.

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19 Comments on “BMW Xcreable X6...”


  • avatar
    Juniper

    I think Success corrupts and absolute success corrupts absolutely (or something like that). I like BMW but that is the ugliest rear window since the Aztec, or maybe the Barracuda. But maybe horsepower is blind.

  • avatar
    jamie1

    The really sad thing about this is that it will almost certainly prove the theory that you could put a blue and white propeller logo on a dog tu*d and there would still be people stupid enough to queue up and buy it.
    This is a sad piece of cynical marketing by a brand desparate to fill niches that do not need filling.
    Be dammed, anyone who plans to buy this monstrosity.
    You might guess by now that I don’t think much to it!

  • avatar
    guyincognito

    “a twin turbocharged 4.4 liter V8 with 400 horsepower and 450 ft. lbs. of torque”

    Just when I think you can’t get any dumber you go and do something like this…..and totally redeem yourself! Now just throw away the stupid SAC (of sh*%) and give us that engine in a 3 series.

  • avatar
    Heep

    Now taking bets on which BMW tuner will be the first to make a 144i…

  • avatar
    Megan Benoit

    You know, Subaru needs to learn something from BMW. Make your cars ugly, yes, but give them such fantastic engines that we’ll all just wear bags over our heads while driving them. Subie has the looks thing down pat, but could use some work on the engines. That thing is amazingly ugly, but then all I heard was ‘twin turbo…V8’ and I wanted one. Scary.

  • avatar
    Eric_Stepans

    I don’t know how many of these BMW intends to sell, but I think the X6’s ugly unusual looks are intentional.

    Now that everyone knows that SUVs are the soccer-mom vehicle of choice, the BMW lying SAC will announce to the world “Look, I’m still young and sporty and sexually desirable and of high social status”. The ugly attention-getting styling and the concomitant lack of practicality are the very point of the exercise.

  • avatar
    Robert Schwartz

    Why? What did we do wrong?

  • avatar
    carguy

    I confliced – is it an obese sports car or a CUV without any utility (a CV?)? This is really BMW’s answer to a question nobody asked: A fusion of all the drawbacks of an SUV married to the impracticality of a sport car while elegantly eliminating the advantages of either.

  • avatar

    One more step closer to the original AMC Eagle.

  • avatar
    rjones

    Well, at least its looks are consistent with–read, as ugly as–the rest of the BMW line. So sad. In ’93 I was a student and while on vacation in Germany, I drove a 5-series (rental, brand new) on the Autobahn. I vowed that I’d buy a 5-series the day I could afford it. Now that day has arrived, but you won’t catch me dead in a bungled-bangle-mobile or this X6 travesty.

  • avatar
    whatdoiknow1

    The automotive equivalent of High-Heel hiking boots!

    Way to go BMW!

  • avatar
    autobahner44

    Buy the ’93!
    We had a ’93 5-Series wagon that was wonderful, and followed it up with a ’99 528iT. It’s getting time to think about a replacement, but my wife (or myself) want no part of the iDrivicized nightmare ala Bangle. A6 Avant time?

  • avatar
    levi

    I dunno. All I can see is a Suzuki X-90 that’s been jacked-up on steroids.

  • avatar

    Justin – you nailed it: Xcreable, indeed.

    Although most of us probably agree this is yet another rolling answer to a question no one asked, I swore that the Cayenne and Mercedes “R” class would be flops for similar reasons (one worked, the other did not).

    Then again, if you need a hulking four-door, 4WD “sporty” somethingorother, the X6 may be just the thing.

  • avatar
    Carzzi

    With turbos like that, who cares about her face?

  • avatar
    DaPope

    Gawd-awful. But, in truth, it’s going to sell well as it really doesn’t look so different from the thousands of egg-shaped Lexus (Lex-i?) floating around my suburb.

  • avatar
    whatdoiknow1

    “a twin turbocharged 4.4 liter V8 with 400 horsepower and 450 ft. lbs. of torque”

    Shows how far BMW has fallen, they need turbocharging to get 400hp out a 4.4 liter engine.

    NOt for nothing but BMW has already proven that they are quite capable of getting 400hp out of a NA engine. Please remember the 5.0 v8 from the previous generation M5 and Z8 and the new 4.4l V8 in the new M3 which makes 420hp IIRC.

    The Turbos are there for the torque! Now getting 450 ft lbs of torque out of a 4.4l NA engine would be an amazing feat! Now it can be done but you would be looking at peak power of about 650hp @ over 10,000rpm and that torque peak would come in at about 7000rpm!

  • avatar
    akitadog

    Yeah, it’s hideous.

    BMW following in the footsteps of Michael Jordan. Create the ugliest basketball shoe and watch the people eat it up.

    For BMW’s sake, I hope this thing bombs.

  • avatar
    Justin Berkowitz

    @whatdoiknow1:

    You are 100% right. Consider for example the twin turbo 3.0 inline 6 from the 335i,535i, 135i etc. BMW already had a naturally aspirated I6 that got 330 horses in the previous M3/Z4M.

    But when they turbocharge, they seem to give gobs of torque at low RPMs (the 335i’s torque curve is flat starting at a paltry 1800 rpm). It’s not only better suited to popular automatic transmissions, but it’s better suited to city and suburban driving, too.

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