Dodge Magnum SRT-8 Review

Hot rods are preposterous. That's why people love them. The new Magnum SRT-8 is a perfect example; the moment pistonheads clock The Dodge Boys' hot rod hauler they break into a big, stupid grin. Much of the comedic impact comes from simple nostalgia; the Magnum SRT-8 reminds them of pre-pubescent fantasies of unbridled power and unabashed style. In fact, I reckon the chop-top, dub-clad station wagon was born in the back seat of a '67 Chrysler Town and Country, when a proto-car designer watched a young Buck in a hopped-up sedan blow his Mom's doors off. So to speak.

In this case, adult reality matches childhood fantasy. If we're talking about straight line performance (a sensible restriction considering the uber-wagon's wheelbase and weight), the Magnum SRT-8 is fully capable of humiliating even the most muscular metal. Chrysler claims the Magnum SRT-8 will accelerate from zero to sixty in the low five's, and complete a quarter mile in the high 13's. After bellow blasting the beast from a standing start (in the breakdown lane) to a triple digit sprint (down the "set the radar detector on stun" lane), I believe them. This sucker is quick with a capital "K"; as in I'm gonna KICK yo' ass.

Let's pause a moment for a word from our sponsor. In standard trim, Chrysler's 5.7-liter, 340hp Hemi is a smooth, fast and relatively frugal powerplant. To create Magnum force, the hot heads at Street and Racing Technology (SRT) ditched the frugality, added cubes, dialed-up the compression ratio, redesigned the cylinder head, intake and exhaust systems; and escalated engine speed. The resulting 6.1-liter, 425hp lump transforms a reasonably rapid load lugger into a serious playa. Again, any non-exotic automobile that dares match wits with the Magnum SRT-8 risks finding themselves totally tongue tied.

OK, fine. Once the deed is done, then what? A lot of these retro machines are like humorous T-shirts: after you read the joke, they're still there; until you start to wonder if the joke was all that funny in the first place. There's no denying that the steroidal Magnum is a cartoon character, with its pavement-sniffing stance, carnivorous front fascia, roof-mounted spoiler, bling wheels and 3.5" chrome exhaust tips. This on top of a basic shape that looks like something squeezed out of a toothpaste tube (or worse). All the Magnum SRT-8 really needs is a punch line: something like a bumper sticker saying "I eat minivans for breakfast". Ba-doom-boom.

And yet, the Magnum SRT-8 makes a much more convincing case for itself than quirky hot rods like the Chevrolet SSR (a pickup that can't pick up much more than a single bale of cotton) and the dearly-departed Plymouth Prowler (a mustachioed coupe that was about as practical as a tattoo). The Magnum SRT-8 is, after all, a station wagon. Although its raked roof sacrifices stackability, lifestyle schleppers are still well-served by the genre's traditional fold-flat cargo capabilities. And like all of Daimler-Chrysler's new millennia sedans, die machheissewagon is both spacious and civilized, offering all the sat-navery and commodious comfort buyers once expected from a truly humongous American automobile.

Well, maybe not quite as much comfort as its lesser-engined cousins. That's because Dodge did everything in its power to make the Magnum SRT-8's handling match its prodigious power: track-tuned dampers, spring rates and suspension bushings; larger sway bars, plenty o' rubber, plus-sized Brembo brakes, the works. The breathed-upon behemoth is a far stickier affair when slammed through the twisties, but it still floats alarmingly over crests and skitters sideways over broken surfaces. And the wagon's rock hard ride leaves no doubt that you don't have to actually hit something to crash.

Speaking of which, the Magnum SRT-8 is suffused with safety, from its occupant-sensing front passenger airbag to its National Highway Transport Safety Association crash test ratings (five stars all 'round). While anyone with a foot for fun will terminate the traction control in the dry and steer with their right foot, the Magnum SRT-8's handling Nanny provides a much-appreciated measure of wet weather confidence, and a reasonable chance of making it through the snow come winter. Muscle cars of old may have the edge in raw excitement, but the Magnum SRT-8 let's you have your tail-sliding, rubber-smoking fun and children too.

In fact, the Magnum SRT-8 isn't anywhere near as preposterous as it looks. For 42 large you get a monster engine, predictable handing, superb stopping power, sybaritic satisfaction and a rare opportunity to make people smile. If the Magnum SRT-8's hot rod aesthetic makes you giggle, then consider adding it to your family car shopping list. It has enough depth of character to keep you smiling long after the laughter subsides. In any case, we should all give thanks to Chrysler for having the cojones to hire Hot Wheels collectors in their design department. After all, driving is easy. Comedy is hard.