Well, That's What Happens When You Start Making Automatic-Transmission 911 Turbos

Jack Baruth
by Jack Baruth

When Tom Cruise and the Porsche 928 were taking their star turn together in Risky Business, the star had to be taught how to use a clutch pedal for the driving shots. This is faintly ironic because the 928 was the original iconic automatic-transmission Porsche, designed to use a slushbox from the jump by Ernst Fuhrmann and intended to be a continent-cruiser grand-touring car instead of a wobbly-nosed air-cooled icon.

In the years since now and then, Porsche’s been a little short on star power; when the celebrity name most commonly associated with your brand is “Jerry Seinfeld”, there’s some work to be done. Roc Nation, the management company which methodically soaks every possible dime out of represents R&B superstar Rihanna, did their part to reverse the trend this week.

“Turbo on dat a$$,All I see is signs, all I see is dolla $ign$.” That’s what the lady said about her new ride. We don’t actually know it’s a PDK, but that’s probably a safe guess. In our brief time driving a similar car we were massively impressed by both the power delivery of the tuned-up turbomotor and the seamless shove provided by the PDK. Miss Rihanna will no doubt feel the same way, right up until the point she hits a telephone pole harder than (insert completely uncalled-for joke about “Breezy” here).

All jokes aside, this gift is kind of a big deal and it’s nice to see. Porsche needs some star credibility and the 911 itself could benefit from association with people other than disaffected 41-year-old suburban jerks. With any luck, the car will appear at a few red-carpet benefits. A word of caution to the new owner, however; don’t wear a skirt getting out of the thing. Or, if you do, let me know when and where.

Jack Baruth
Jack Baruth

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  • Mitchw Mitchw on Dec 21, 2012

    The 991 is festooned with synthetic feedback electric steering, software to brake the inside tire as you turn in, thus helping you feel like Da Man, PDK, ABS, and traction controls to make you look better than you really are. Rihanna is the perfect choice. Is it time for the sex now?

  • El scotto El scotto on Dec 22, 2012

    Y'all forget. Any expensive European ride will have a high douchebag/badge whore to appreciative drivers ratio. This site is filled with appreciative drivers.

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