BMW's Ultimatum

Obviously, the German automaker fancies itself a company apart: the last great independent automobile manufacturer. Which is almost true and fair enough. But it’s one thing to weave a less tangled corporate web than your conglomerated competitors, and quite another to advertise the fact. It’s hard to imagine a potential Zephyr, 9-3 or LS430 buyer opting for an equivalent Bimmer simply because Lincoln, Saab and Toyota nestle within larger corporate structures. On the sharp end, it’s “don’t know, don’t care.”

Of course, BMW’s latest ads are designed to make you care; to explain how the company’s independence ultimately produces ultimate driving machines. Quite apart from the ads’ creepy subtext (Aryan purity produces purebred automobiles) and the strange non-sequiturs born of megalomania (“It is a high-performance vehicle that actually exists in the real world”), it’s simply not true. The dreaded iDrive mouse-driven multi-media controller proves that BMW’s corporate independence doesn’t guarantee “the pursuit of great ideas.” More to the point, BMW no longer produces “the ultimate driving machine.”

At the risk of being over-literal, which BMW model would that be? Yes, the M3 is a truly magnificent motor, well worth a seat in the Driver’s Car Hall of Fame. But anyone who’s driven a Porsche 911 or Ferrari knows the M3 doesn’t even play in the same league as these phenomenal foreigners. You could argue the point on price– the M3 offers maximum pistonhead pleasure for a more accessible entry fee– if BMW let you. Their M ad clearly states “We refuse to subject them [BMW’s M cars] to money-saving shortcuts or mass production.”

In truth, enthusiasts have known for over a decade that BMW has lost the plot. The company’s campaign to expand into every product niche extant has sacrificed their cars’ unique selling point on the altar of growth and profit. How can an SUV– any SUV– be an ultimate driving machine? Although you can credit the X5 for at least trying to satisfy the brand proposition, the X3’s execrable ride and handling demonstrate the company’s complete lack of commitment to their creed. By the same token, the rest of BMW’s product line has become heavier in weight and lighter in steering. The 6-Series is a travesty.

Look closely and the evidence of BMW’s ultimate brand betrayal is everywhere: the fitment of stiff run-flat tires (that tramline on smooth pavement), disastrous ergonomics (what happened to the driver-angled console?), compromised visibility, over-complicated driver interfaces (column-mounted shift knobs, starter buttons and the world’s worst gearbox); even Chris Bangles’ fussy exterior shapes reveal a distinct turn away from the company’s former focus on driver satisfaction. The fact that BMW hasn’t built a convincing answer to Porsche's Boxster in ten years tells the tale.

And now BMW is putting Dr. Norbert Reithofer at the helm. Dr. R is Bimmer’s production go-to guy, the man who ensured that the company’s factories in South Africa and Spartanburg, South Carolina created profitable products worthy of international export. In his treatise “The Fascinating Power of Production – Worldwide Competence in Producing Premium Products,” Dr. R touted the fact that Bimmer’s production process meant that luxobarge customers could have it their way, choosing from variations that “amount to 10 to the power of 17- that is 100,000,000,000,000,000, which is an incredibly high number.” Yes it is. It’s also a very revealing one. Instead of boasting that BMW makes one ultimate driving machine, Dr. R took pride in 100 quadrillion possible variations.

I suppose it only makes sense. When a car company loses focus, it can either accept the fact that it’s lost its way and begin the long, painful and expensive process of returning to its roots (wither Cadillac), or it can widen its original remit to justify– if not celebrate– it’s more expansive agenda. BMW's ad campaign and Dr. R’s appointment tell us which way BMW’s wind is blowing. They formalize Bimmer’s hugely successful growth-oriented philosophy, and ensure its continuation. Never mind that BMW no longer “sticks to the knitting.” The company has never been so profitable.

And yet, history will record that BMW’s decline began even as it entered its most vigorous period of growth. Ironically enough, the automaker’s fate was sealed years ago, when the company compromised it core value in the pursuit of profit.